Oh my god! Last night!
Cautiously, I extend my hand across the mattress. Checking to see if the big hulking man I went to sleep with is still here. But the bed’s empty and the sheets are cool to the touch.
I pull the pillow off my head and prop myself up to confirm my findings by sight.
My eyes squint against the light- and yep, no one else is here.
I’m alone.
Again.
Shifting slowly, I push the rest of the way up until I’m sitting. My head’s aching but not as much as I expected, and my stomach feels okay –thank you sandwich– and I really have to pee. But all in all, I’m not worse for wear.
Rubbing my temples, I’m starting to question if I imagined everything that happened last night.I mean that man could definitely qualify as a dream.
My room looks exactly the same and that makes me question myself even more, as though having someone in my house would suddenly redecorate the place. But then my eyes catch on a black hoodie slung over the chair in the corner of my room.
“Axel!” I say his name out loud, like the sweatshirt might reply with its own greeting.
Rolling my eyes at myself, I slide out of bed and automatically reach for my phone.
Tapping the screen to check for messages, blackness greets me.Great, forgot to plug the thing in last night again.
Shaking my head, I pad over to the chair.
Like a greedy kid snatching candy, my fingers dart out and close around the material. With literally zero shame, I hold the shirt up and press my face into the soft cotton, inhaling deeply.
My eyes close and images of Axel fill my mind. His handsome face. His big, tattooed hands. His greying wavy hair. His eyes.
I take another deep breath.
Those eyes. The lightest, purest blue I’ve ever seen. They seemed to see right into me. And it should’ve been unnerving, but on him it just made me feel warm. Seen. Loved.
My eyes open and I let my hands fall to my side.
Loved. Ha!
I plop into the chair, holding the sweatshirt on my lap.
What does it say about me that one evening with a man is all it takes for me to fall in love?
Not that I’m actually in love with Axel. I’m not. It’s just that he made me feel like maybe I could be. Like maybe I could mean something to him. And isn’t that the most dangerous feeling in the world?
My vision blurs and I clench my teeth, blinking away my weakness.
Don’t be stupid, Maddie. It was just a-
Even my inner bitch can’t finish that sentence. It was just a what? A date? It wasn’t even that. A one-night stand? Not really. We didn’t, you know. And he didn’t…
My face flames, the shimmer on my lower lids returning.
I can’t even do a one-night stand right.
Axel was nothing but kind. A true gentleman. And I dragged him into my house, rubbed myself on him until I came like some sort of inexperienced virgin, and then passed out without even offering to return the favor.
And this is why you’ll die alone.
Bang! Bang!