When I see my favorite brand of hard cider on tap, my mood lifts.
The pair of women ahead of me move away and I step up to the bar. “Hi, can I please have an Apple Loon?”
The bartender tips her head and turns to grab a glass.
Happy I grabbed my little bag from the table, I stuff a couple of bills in the tip jar and wait.
“Should’ve ordered the champagne,” a nasally woman says from next to me.
I jolt, not having seen her approach.
She’s probably around 70, just a little taller than me with sharp shoulders and a gleam in her eye that makes me want to step away.
“Oh?” I try for a smile. “Why’s that?”
I expect her to tell me it’s her favorite, or maybe she picked it out, paid for it, something.
But she just lifts a brow, “It’s a smart,low calorie, choice.”
Did… did she just…?
A queasy feeling settles in my stomach as my face struggles between paling and flushing.
“Here you are,” the bartender slides the glass towards me.
I’m frozen. Stuck in indecision. My panic reaction in full force.
The bartender slides the glass a little closer.
Do I take it? Leave it?
Did this old bitch actually just call me fat?
My eyes automatically move to seek out Axel.
I find him, not far from where I left him, but his back is to me.
A cold hand presses against my forearm, and my body automatically recoils, moving away from the nasty woman, leaving my untouched cider on the bar.
Dropping my gaze back to the ground, I spin and walk away as quickly as I can. Out of the room, into the lobby.
But it’s teeming with people.
Feeling my panic rising, I turn down a side hall towards the restroom.
I was in here earlier, so I don’t need to look around. It’s just as lavish as the rest of the building, the restroom has dim warm lighting, several sinks stocked with scented soaps and lotions, and real towels for drying.
Thankfully it looks empty so I move to the center sink and turn the water on.
You’re okay.
You’re fine.
You’re good enough just as you are.
I close my eyes and repeat the words in my mind, letting the cool water trail over my wrists.
I’m okay.