I know he’s serious about me, or at least I think he is. I mean I’m here, at a family wedding, where he’s introducing me as his girlfriend. And I’ve met his son. And slept at his house. But…
That inner voice, the one that fills me with doubts and worries and anxiousness reminds me that people lie. Change their minds.
People leave.
I lean more of my weight into Axel’s firm body.
We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks – a little over a month – hardly enough time for a reasonable person to know that they want to spend the rest of their life with someone.
And then there’s kids…
I’ve never really given myself the space to imagine what life would be like if I found my forever. I didn’t think that was something I would get.
But being with Axel, it makes me imagine. It makes me dream. And I don’t know if I want kids, but I want the option. I want the choice to decide. And Axel, well, he already has a kid. One that’s twenty years old. One that will take over his business and carry on the family legacy. Would Axel really want to do it all over again?
With me?
My lips press together and I try to breathe slowly through my nose.
Don’t jump to conclusions. Just talk to him.
I give myself a mental nod.
I’ll talk to him. Soon.
But what if he says no? To all of it?
Axel’s thumb rubs a small circle on my back, subconsciously calming my raging emotions.
Another slow breath and I let my eyes open.
Other dancing couples come in and out of view and I make a silent promise to myself to enjoy the rest of the night. My questions and doubts can wait until tomorrow.
The song comes to an end and the DJ changes up the tempo to something faster.
As we stop our swaying, Axel presses his lips to the top of my head. I want to stay just like this, forever and ever.
“Axel!” a boisterous voice from just beside us jolts my calm.
“Hey, man,” Axel keeps an arm around my shoulders as he angles towards the man.
I recognize him as someone Axel introduced me to earlier, but I don’t remember his name.
Knowing I need a little space, and possibly some liquid courage, to gather my composure, I tap Axel on the side.
When he looks down, I smile, “I’m gonna grab a drink. Want anything?”
The side of his mouth tips up, just a little, “Nah, I’m good. I’ll meet you back at the table.”
“Kay,” I nod a silent acknowledgement at the other guy before I slip away.
Axel’s driving tonight so he’s not drinking alcohol. And I was planning on staying sober, but dealing with my emotions is proving to be a little too much.
And really, coming to a fancy wedding with an open bar andnotgetting a drink seems almost criminal.
I keep my eyes down as I make my way to the back of the large ballroom, where the bar is set up. Everyone’s been really nice, but I don’t know if I have it in me to small talk right now.
Getting into the short line, I absently chew on my lip as I look at the selection.