ChapterSixteen
Nine Months Earlier
Day 17: Operation Fake Relationship for Lena’s Wedding
Davis watched Sunny’s fingers as they trailed through Carter’s hair. His mouth hung open, and soft snores were a contrast to his normal chattiness. The five-year-old had run them so hard all day, he’d finally fallen asleep with his head in Sunny’s lap while they watched fireflies in the backyard. The fire they’d roasted marshmallows in for s’mores burned low and was more coals than flames.
“Want me to put him in the tent?” Davis asked.
He marveled again at how good at this Sunny was. Her suggestion to go camping in the backyard had been a hit, just like all her other ideas to keep Carter entertained.
“Nah, I’ll hold him a little bit longer.” Sunny’s soft smile as she gazed lovingly at her nephew thickened Davis’s throat with longing.
Longing to be at peace in any situation like she was.
Maybe even longing to have a family of his own.
To have a future.
Davis, on the other hand, felt more confused than ever. In the week and a half since Lena and Marshall had left on their honeymoon, the stress of staying on guard had crawled along his skin. But then there were times like this one, when all the edginess and worry and anger disappeared.
“Just a few more days and it’s back to reality.” Sunny’s disappointed words rushed his PTSD back to the surface.
He didn’t want reality.
He hated it.
But he couldn’t also have this, not without getting his issues under control. He tore his gaze from her and stared into the fire.
“What’s next for you?” He knew she was a world-renowned mountaineer, but, aside from a few comments here and there, they hadn’t talked about life outside of Kentucky.
They’d existed in this bubble, the fake morphing until it felt real. He knew the alter-reality where happiness existed couldn’t last. He’d let himself escape into it more than he ever thought he could.
“Back to Alaska and preparing for winter.” She cringed. “I’m spending the season stuck in a cabin in Chicken with Gunnar, training for a dog sledding expedition to the North Pole we probably won’t even take.”
He’d heard of Chicken. His friend Justin gold mined north of there and wanted Davis to come help him the next summer. At first, going had felt like running away from his responsibilities to the team at Stryker and his family. Now, after this time with Sunny, he wondered if the Alaskan wilderness was what he needed to finally heal.
“Why won’t you go to the North Pole?”
“We’re just alternates for the expedition. So, the likelihood of us actually going is slim.” She shrugged. “But the organizer is paying us to mush dogs all winter in some of the most beautiful country in the world, so I can’t complain too much. As long as my cranky brother doesn’t drive me crazy, it’ll be like an extended vacation.”
“Not sure my sister would want to be stuck with me in a cabin all winter.” Davis shook his head. “She’d probably kill me.”
“Yeah. I’m a little worried about that myself.” Sunny laughed then penetrated him with her gaze. “What about you? Off to protect someone exciting?”
“No. I think—” He snapped his mouth shut against the words that wanted out.
He needed to just push them down like every other time they tried to give voice. He swallowed, but they stuck to his tongue, pushing against the seam of his lips.
“Davis?”
Sunny laid her hand on his arm, concern thick in his name. His eyes trailed from her hand to her face. Her eyebrows V’ed over her dark eyes, and the words broke past his resistance and tumbled free.
“I think I’m done at Stryker.” He took a deep breath, his chest finally free of the massive invisible weight the decision had on him. “That’s not what I want in life anymore.”
“Oh? What will you do?” There wasn’t any criticism on her face, just interest.
“I’m not sure––at least long term. My friend wants me to help him at his mine in Alaska. Being away from everything seems like a good idea.”