He stopped himself from racing into the frigid night and scouring Fairbanks for them. Demanding an introduction after seven years of abandonment wasn’t the way to start a relationship with his kid. He’d had the idiocy to not open the letter when he first got it. Waiting through the night to meet didn’t even count as punishment for that sin.
He plopped back on the bed and reached for the other letter that had fallen to the floor. Maybe Julie had found out what they were having and let him know. Not that he deserved even that. He ripped open the envelope, the need to be careful with it evaporating with the need to know.
Gunnar,
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be writing to you, especially when I said I’d leave the decision up to you, but I lost the baby.
The words blurred as his eyes filled with tears. How could he feel this intense ache of loss? He rubbed his thumb and fingers over his eyes. If he felt this horrible, what had Julie gone through? He should have opened the letters when he first got them, supported her when she needed him most. He forced himself to read the rest.
When they ran tests to see what happened, they found something. Gunnar, its cancer. Uterine, like what took Mom. Dad’s a mess. Saylor too. I’m not much better.
The doctors say that losing the baby helped them catch the cancer early enough they think they can treat it. But, I’m scared, so, so scared. I know I shouldn’t ask, but I need you. Even if it’s just one phone call to hear your voice. You’ve always talked me through hard times, and I’m not sure I can do this without you. Please, please call.
Love always,
Jules
Gunnar’s hands shook as her news filled him. He let the letter drop to the floor, watching his hands tremble. How could he have let her down? How could he have been so selfish that the one person who meant the most to him had to beg for help?
Help he never gave.
Rage at himself exploded pain in his head like a dirty bomb. He roared and chucked his backpack against the wall. He’d never be able to make it up to Julie, even if he tried for the rest of his life.