They drove in silence for the next several minutes. Finally, just when Ryan started to think the tension in the cab might actually choke them both, Drew slapped the steering wheel. “Okay, enough with the sentimental shit. What the fuck happened with Bri?”
What happened? What happened was that Bri shot him down more thoroughly than anyone else ever had. It felt like a vicious repeat of their first night together—she patted him on the head, told him she had a nice time, and slammed the door on any future they could have built together. All because she was scared of what might happen when he left. That was her MO, though. She got scared or hurt and lashed out, keeping everyone at a distance. He’d thought they were past that shit, but she seemed more than willing to let this whole damn thing go down the river.
“Ryan, spit it out before you choke on it.”
What could it hurt to talk about it? It wasn’t like it’d make anything worse. “She’s running scared.”
“Bri’s like that when people get too close.”
Exactly. While he’d been so sure he was getting closer to her heart and having her actually open up to him, she was just reinforcing her barriers and locking him out. “She’s being a goddamn coward. Instead of talking through it, she’s hiding.”
“Sounds like someone else I know.”
Ryan glanced over. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Maybe not the hiding shit, but running and hiding are two sides of the same coin.” Drew looked out the windshield, but there was an odd tone in his voice. “You bolted out of here after graduation like your ass—not the high school—was on fire.”
Of all the people in the world, he’d expected Drew to understand. He thought hehadconsidering what they’d just talked about. “I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was the past. I thought I was going to die under the weight of it.” Or start drinking daily, which was a scarier option considering their father.
“And now?”
“Things are different now. I’ve grown up—grown past it.” Yeah, it had only happened in the last few days, but hewasseeing this town in a different light. “What the hell does this have to do with anything?”
Drew shifted his grip on the steering wheel and took the turn onto I-99. “What it has to do with is the fact that you and Bri aren’t that different. She’s afraid of being abandoned the same way you’re afraid of always being thought of as Drunk Billy’s pyro kid.”
“Those things are nothing alike.” He’d wanted people to see him as he was now instead of the boy he used to be. Bri didn’t want people to see her at all.
“Jesus Christ, Ryan, I know they aren’t the same thing. My point is that maybe instead of condemning Bri you should try to be a little more understanding.”
“It’s impossible to be understanding when she’s shutting me out.”
Drew snorted. “Then you don’t deserve her.”
“You’re the shittiest advice-giver I’ve ever heard.” He didn’t deserve her? Not fucking likely. They’d created something special while they were together in that cabin, and he’d worked his ass off to convince her to open up enough to give him a chance.
“What do you want me to say? I saw your face when we walked in that room. I’ve never seen you lose your mind over a woman—any woman. So either you’re going to prove her right by making it a temporary thing, or you’re going to fight for her. Is she worth fighting for?”
It wasn’t even a question. He’d told her the truth before. Ryan had never met a stronger, more intelligent, more beautiful woman. Being with her made him feel as if a piece he’d never noticed was missing had fallen into place, as if he were finally whole.
But how was he supposed to fight for her when she was so busy fightinghim? He rubbed his chest. There was only one right answer to that. He had to convince her he wasn’t like the string of people in her life who’d left. Hewouldn’twalk away, not while he still had the breath to argue. “You’re an ass—even if you might be right.”
“I’m your older brother. It goes with the territory.” Drew finally looked at him. “What are you going to do?”
“First, I need to get back to base and find out what’s going on. Once I have that settled, I’ll figure something out.” Because his brother was right. He’d never lost his mind over a woman before, and he’d be damned before he let her walk away without a fight.
Chapter Eighteen
Bri spent the next twenty-four hours in a fugue. She had no illusions about what she was doing, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Nothing interested her—not her books, not her library, not even the kids she made an effort to smile at despite how terrible she felt. All she wanted to do was curl in bed and sleep until her chest stopped hurting.
She picked up a book from the shelving cart and set it back down without opening it. God, what was happening to her? She couldn’t possibly have had her heart broken by a man she barely knew.
But no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, she couldn’t lie to herself. She knew Ryan. She felt for the kid he used to be—the child who had sought refuge from his horrible father in the middle of books, just like she had. The teenager who’d accidentally set fire to his school while saving a kitten. She felt for the man he’d become, too, but even more than that, she felt for the common thread between them she couldn’t ignore.
It didn’t matter. No matter which way things played out between them, it’d never work in the long run. It couldn’t.
So why was she having such a difficult time convincing herself she shouldn’t track him down?
The phone in her hand rang, startling a scream out of her. Bri pressed her hand to her chest and stared at the caller ID. Avery. Again. Her best friend had been calling ever since Drew took Ryan to the airport. She hadn’t been ready to talk then, and she sure as heck wasn’t ready now. With a sigh, she pressed the ignore button and set the phone aside.