Avery grabbed Drew’s arm and jerked him toward the door. “Fine. We’ll go. Buthe’llwait in the car.”
Ryan barely waited for the door to shut behind them when he rounded on Bri. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.”
Instead of addressing that, she asked, “What’s emergency protocol?”
A muscle in his jaw ticked. “It could be any number of things.”
She’d spent enough time with him to know when he was holding something back. “But you know what this is, don’t you?”
He sighed. “I don’t know anything for sure.” When she just stared, he continued, “But they wouldn’t be keeping things so locked down without a reason. I’m probably being sent to replace a PJ overseas.”
It didn’t take much to connect the dots. “Someone got hurt, didn’t they?” Someone doing the jobhedid. Someone he was being sent over there to replace.
“Maybe. Probably.” He shook his head. “I won’t know for sure until I’m back on base.”
“Oh.” She took a step back, mentally flailing for something to hang on to before she flew apart.End things with him. End things now.“Well, I guess this thing between us has reached its expiration date.” She spoke quickly, because she had to get this out while she still could, before she lost her nerve. Or started crying. “I mean, it was a fun little fantasy until reality intruded. It would have never worked anyway.”
“Don’t do this. I know the timing is shitty, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on, and we’ll figure this out.”
Despite the way he’d said all the right things up to this point, he really didn’t understand. “Ryan, you’re leaving.”
“It’s not forever. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“For how long? A week? Two? Maybe even a whole month? Then you’ll turn around and leave again. You willalwaysleave.” She hugged herself tighter. “And right now, you’re going off into certain danger.”
“I’m a PJ.”
“Which is exactly my point. The guy you’re replacing might be dead.” Her eyes burned, threatening to betray her. She cleared her throat, determined to remain in control—at least until she could make it to the safety of being alone to break down. “I lost the two most important people to me when my parents died. I can’t go through that kind of pain again. You can’t expect me to sit back and wait while you risk your life.”
He ran his hands through his hair, looking like he wanted to rip it out. “What am I supposed to say to that?”
There was nothingtosay. Against all reason, she’d half hoped he’d reassure her that he wouldn’t always leave, that he would come through this tour okay—and the next, and the next. But he couldn’t do that without lying, and she’d rather have a hard truth today than a pretty lie that hurt even worse in the long run. “Let’s face it—we’re barely more than strangers, Ryan. The sex was great, but that’s all we have between us.”
The hurt on his face almost made her question if she was right, but then the all-too-familiar glare took its place. “So that’s all this was to you? Sex.”
Despite her best efforts, a single tear slipped free. “It was nice while it lasted.”
He shook his head. “You’re pulling away because you’re scared and protecting yourself.”
It was so incredibly tempting to agree, if only to give herself the illusion it wasn’t over. He’d reassure her and hold her and maybe she’d feel better for a little while. But it would only hurt to prolong this torture by pretending there was a way to make it work. “No. This is how I feel. I never—” Her throat threatened to close, but she forced the words past it. “I never cared about you like that.”
He stared at her and for one hopeful, terrifying moment, she thought he might tell her she was being crazy and he wasn’t leaving forever and they could make it work. But then he shook his head and the moment passed. “You know what? You’re a goddamn liar. You know good and well this was a hell of a lot more than sex to you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. But that’s okay. Go ahead and keep lying to yourself. I hope it keeps you warm at night.”
…
Ryan didn’t say anything as he and Drew drove out of town. He was so pissed and hurt and twisted up inside, he didn’t trust himself to speak without spewing that poison.
Therewasone subject he needed to deal with before he got on a plane. “You’ve been telling tales.” The only way Old Joe—or any of them—would know about the cat, let alone what he’d been up to for the last ten years, would be because his brother told them.
“What are you talking about?”
“Bri and I were at the Diner yesterday morning, and ran into Joe. It’s amazing what that old man seems to know about me.” When Drew stayed stubbornly silent, he continued, “And right after that, Marcy Travis mentioned that she’d love for me—a genuine hero—to come talk to her class at the grade school.”
“I’m not surprised. You’re a fucking inspiration.”
Even all these years later, his brother was proud of him, and he’d let Drew down by avoiding Wellingford. Ryan shifted, looking out the window, not sure how to approach this subject. “I’m sorry I haven’t been home much. I’m going to work on that.” He paused. “Thank you. For all of it. I know I never said that before.”
“You’re welcome.”