Rylan catches my elbows, stopping me from backing up. “You want to be a predator? Stop second-guessing yourself.”
I yank, but he’s holding me too firmly. “I don’t want to be a predator.” I pull back again. Fail again. “Not with you three.”
“I don’t fucking understand you.” He says it so softly, I almost miss the words.
Just like that, my anger flares hot enough to scald. “Oh, because I’m not playing the part of the monster the way you want? Because I’m just as in over my head as the rest of you? Which part, Rylan? Please enlighten me so we can get past this bullshit.”
“There’s no getting past some things.”
We’re so close, we’re sharing the same air. I hate that I want nothing more than to press my body against his, to claim his mouth so I can swallow down his poisonous words, can take every part of him into me until we’re both a shaking mess.
I want to blame the bond for this. Surely I’m not so twisted as to desire a man that clearly hates me. Unfortunately, the truth is significantly less convenient. The bond is present, of course, but it’s not pulling at me the same way it did last night. I am firmly in control. Which means I have no one to blame but myself.
“Let go,” I say softly. “We might not be able to control the fact that the bond requires us to drink and fuck each other, but if you really hate me as much as you say, then let me go right fucking now.”
Rylan’s grip spasms on my elbows. For a moment, his cold expression flickers and I get a glimpse of the feral creature within, the one more in line with the animals he can shift into than the smoothly cultured vampire he normally presents to the world. “I don’t hate you.”
“Could have fooled me.”
He still doesn’t release me. “Malachi and Wolf are too young to remember what your people did to ours, but I’m not. It’s not something I can release simply because you’re not acting liketheydid.”
I know this. Of course I know this. He might not have said as much in so many words up to this point, but his hatred goes far too deep to be directed at me personally. I don’t blame him for it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to roll over for him, either. “I can’t change what I am. I don’t know if I can change what happened, but I’m trying.”
He searches my face. “If Wolf can do what he says, the demon will demand a high cost.”
“I’m aware.”
Rylan shakes his head slowly. “I…” He takes a slow breath. “I don’t want to see you hurt, Mina. I hate this bond, but that doesn’t mean I want you dead.”
“I know.” And I do. If he wanted me dead, he wouldn’t have been so panicked when he took too much blood. That strange, soft moment in the shower wouldn’t have occurred.
Knowing that doesn’t excuse his shitty attitude, though. “Let me go, Rylan.”
Finally, he releases me. When I don’t immediately step back, his lips curl into something that’s almost a smile. “If you’re not opposed to the idea, I think it’d be wise to ensure the bond doesn’t get to the point of desperation again.”
“So formal.” I tilt my head to the side. “You’re saying you want to have sex again.”
“Yes.” The word is almost a sigh.
“Okay.”
Rylan blinks. “Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.” I force myself to take a step back, and then another. “You irritate the hell out of me, and I kind of want to smack you on a regular basis, but I like fucking you, Rylan.” Now it’s my turn to hesitate. “However, I understand if you don’t want to throw your hat into the ring, so to speak. If you want to keep things to anal or oral to avoid the risk of pregnancy, that’s okay, too.”
Another of those slow blinks. “I don’t understand you.”
“You don’t have to understand me.” Part of me kind of wants him to, though. I wave a hand at my body. “No matter what else is true about this bond, babies change things. I’m not going to force you.”
He takes a step toward me, and some lingering prey instinct has me backing up. Rylan stalks me across the kitchen, his eyes bleeding silver, his movements going nearly feline. A bolt of heat goes through me when I remember his claws sinking into my skin. I liked that. I liked it a lot. “Rylan.”
“You might be pregnant already.” He pins me to the counter, the mirror image to what I just did to him. Except he doesn’t preserve that last little bit of distance between us. His hips meet mine, and there’s no ignoring his hard cock. “It will be weeks before we know.”
“Honestly, with the timeline, it’s likely to be less than a week.” I had my period right after we went on the run, and I tend to be regular.
He leans down and drags his nose over my throat. Directly against the spot he bit me last night. “No reason to deny myself then. Not until we know.”
My hands find his chest, but I’m not sure if I’m trying to push him back or pull him closer. “That’s faulty logic,” I manage.