“Mina—”
I let my hand drop. I don’t want his apologies. I’m not certain that’s what he’s about to say, but I don’t give him a chance. “Come on. We need to clean up.” The bed is ruined. Blood soaks the entire mattress. Changing the sheets won’t help. I glance at Wolf. “Do you mind airing out the spare bedroom? I think we have some sheets left over from the last shopping trip.” They’re always on the list since we go through them so often. Blood is a hell of a stain to try to get out, but the real problem is that they keep getting torn up when our bedroom games get rough.
His pale gaze flicks between me and Rylan. Finally, he climbs off the bed and gives a theatrical bow. “As the lady commands.”
“It wasn’t a—” He’s gone before I can finish. I sigh. “It wasn’t a command.”
“Semantics.” Rylan still doesn’t sound like himself. The icy distance that I find strangely comforting is nowhere in evidence. He doesn’t even argue as I nudge him in the direction of the bathroom.
I’m weaving on my feet, exhaustion pulling at my body, but it feels important to do this. The why matters less than following my instincts in this situation, so I turn on the water, wait for it to heat up, and then give Rylan another nudge.
Again, he doesn’t argue. He simply steps into the shower. But he catches my hand and tows me in after him. Neither of us speak. He doesn’t comment on the way I scrub the blood off his chest and neck. I don’t make note how his leaning on me suggests that he’s nowhere near as okay as he said.
By the time we’re done, I can barely keep my eyes open.
Strangely enough, I’m not remotely surprised to find Wolf and Malachi waiting for us. Wolf wraps a towel around me and sweeps me off my feet, carrying me out of the room with quick strides.
Not quickly enough to avoid hearing Malachi’s low words to Rylan. “I told you so.”
21
Iwake to the sound of voices. The men are in the next room, talking softly. I roll onto my back and open my eyes, staring up into the darkness of the bedroom. It would be the easiest thing in the world to pull the covers over my head and ignore what happened last night. What it signifies. Even if we ran to the very ends of the earth opposite each other, the bond would eat away at us until…
Could it kill us?
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but that was before it physically propelled me across the room to Rylan. Before it made him forget himself enough to partially shift.
I could let the vampires deal with this current mess. They’re all older and more powerful than I am. I’m a fool if I think I can stand on equal footing with them in the coming confrontation, bond or no. They will always be stronger, always be more powerful.
If I hide, I’ll remain a pawn for the rest of my life, however long or short that ends up being. Dhampirs live longer than humans, but they aren’t borderline immortal like full vampires. I have no idea what the seraph lifespan looks like.
The list of what I don’t know only seems to grow longer with time, instead of shorter.
I sit up and sigh. There’s no help for it. The easy way isn’t the right way, and I’ve fought too hard for anything resembling freedom to simply hand off all the decision-making process to others. They might be more powerful, butI’mthe linchpin in this mess.
Another soundless sigh and I leave the warmth of the bed and pull on the nearest piece of clothing—one of Malachi’s shirts. He’s updated his wardrobe a bit since we left the house, but he still favors the shirts that look like they’d be perfectly at home on historical romance novel covers. I like them. A lot. I’m swimming in all the white fabric, his tobacco and clove scent nearly as comforting as when he wraps his arms around me.
I’m still angry about last night. It irritates me to no end that I wanthimto comfort me while I’m mad at him. I inhale again, letting the last of my reservations fall away. As tempting as it is to hide from reality, I know all too well the reality will burst through the door without an invitation. Better to deal with things head-on.
The men haven’t stopped talking, but with their superior senses, they all know I’m awake and moving around. I pad barefoot out of the spare bedroom, down the hall, and into the sitting room where they’ve got a fire going.
Rylan is standing by the window, the light of the early morning putting his features in stark contrast. He looks as tired as I feel, his cheekbones a little too gaunt on his handsome face. Wolf lounges on one of the chairs. He’s got his leg dangling over the arm like an indolent king waiting to be entertained. Malachi sits on the couch, his elbows braced on his thighs. All three look at me with varying degrees of wariness.
I stop short. “We need to talk about last night.”
Malachi holds out a hand, motioning for me to join him on the couch. I almost go to him through sheer habit, actually take a step in his direction, before the memories of last night crash over me again. How he looked like he was going to murder Rylan. How I magically compelled him to leave the room against his will.
I don’t know if it’s sleep still clouding my mind or if the situation is just becoming too stressful and I’m in danger of shattering. Right now, I need to be calm and collected; an impossible task when every breath feels like I’m drowning, drawing in water instead of the air I desperately need.
I drop into the free chair. Disappointment flashes over Malachi’s face, but it’s gone so fast, I’m half sure it’s a trick of the firelight. I draw my knees up and wrap my arms around my legs. “We’re in over our head. I can’t control the bond, and it’s putting you in danger.”
Wolf snorts. “None ofuswere the one bleeding out last night.”
Rylan flinches, a barely perceptible movement I only catch out of the corner of my eye. I ignore it. “That was my fault. Or, rather, the bond’s fault. It never would have gotten so out of control if the bond didn’t exist and hadn’t messed with our control.”
“It was Rylan’s fault.” Malachi’s body might appear relaxed, but he looks like he wants to shred something with his bare hands. “He knew there was risk involved with resisting the proximity the bond demands. He played with your life.”
“That’s enough.”