The five female members of my family all tossed down their utensils and turned to me with angry looks.
“Seriously?”
“You’re better than that, Luke!”
“I didn’t raise no son to be sexist.”
“I know, I know,” I said, patting the air to calm them down. “I learned my lesson quickly. Caz whooped me in a fight.”
Blair gasped. “You tried to fight her?”
“He said I couldn’t knock him to the floor. So I dissuaded him of that opinion.”
“She threw me on my ass, is what she did,” I said with a laugh. “Although I still maintain she picked the fight. She called me a coward, and insulted my flower tattoos.”
“Because they’re silly tattoos!” Cazzie said. “You all must agree with me, right?”
She looked around the table for support, but nobody was on her side on this one. I cleared my throat and lifted my T-shirt. “The three flowers are my sisters. Blair is the short one, the middle is Alex, and Theresa is the tallest. And the two doves on my chest are my moms.”
Cazzie winced. “Well, now I feel like an asshole. I’ll go stand outside for the rest of the night.”
Mom laughed and put a hand on my bodyguard’s shoulder. “Stay, stay. You didn’t know. I’m glad you’re protecting my son.” She smiled. “And I’m glad you knocked him on his ass, too.”
“You can’t let anything happen to Luke,” Blair said. “He’s the Y chromosome that holds us together.”
“The crispy lettuce in our happy BLAT sandwich,” Momma said proudly.
Cazzie cocked her head. “BLAT sandwich?”
“That’s what we call our kids,” Mom explained. “Like a B - L - A - T: bacon, lettuce, avocado, and tomato. Blair, Luke, Alex, and Theresa.”
“If you die, then it’ll be a BAT sandwich,” Alex said. “Yuck.”
Blair elbowed her sister. “Don’t joke about him dying!”
“I don’t even like lettuce,” Theresa said.
“Good, because I hate tomatoes on my sandwich,” I replied with a smirk. “They make sandwiches all soggy and gross.”
Theresa gasped. “You’reall soggy and gross!” She grabbed a roll and hurled it at me. Before I could knock it aside, Cazzie’s hand snatched out and caught it in the air.
Everyone around the table made impressed noises and clapped. “She reallyisa good bodyguard,” Momma said.
“Rolls are easier to catch than bullets, unfortunately.” Cazzie put the roll down on her plate. “Where’s the restroom?”
“Down the hall, last door on the right,” Mom said.
As soon as we heard the bathroom door close, Blair leaned forward and whispered, “I like her!”
“She’s funny,” Theresa agreed.
“And she puts you in your place,” Alex added. “And she’s cute.”
“More than cute,” Blair said. “She’s hot.”
I smiled at them. It felt good that my family approved of Cazzie. Which was weird since we weren’t an item, but it was a nice feeling nonetheless.
“Too bad she’s your bodyguard,” Theresa said. “She came from an agency, right? She’s probably not allowed to hook-up with her clients.”