“Hey. Can we talk?”
I forced what I hoped was a friendlier expression than the one I’d been previously wearing. “Yeah, I’m sorry I was so crabby out there. I think I’m just overtired from the trip.”
He’d showered too, his hair damp and his jeans and t-shirt laundry fresh. He reached out and stroked my cheek. “Okay. Are you sure there’s nothing else?”
“Actually…there is.” I drew a deep breath and stepped back. I had to do this. For him. “I, um, talked to my dad today.”
Kennedy’s gaze was intent on my face. I didn’t like how well he could read me. I needed to play this right or I’d screw everything up. “And?”
“He convinced me to go back to the Navy. He’s got a sweet contractor position on base for me, and I’m going to take it.”
Kennedy drew back like I’d slapped him. “Wait… what?”
“I know this probably seems like it’s coming out of left field considering I don’t have the best relationship with my dad, but the job is perfect for me. And I do miss my mom.”
Kennedy’s forehead wrinkled in confusion as he continued to study my face. “He didn’t mention it last night, and you were pretty pissed at him.”
I shrugged. “I know. He left a message this morning, and I just talked with him.”
“You don’t like the guy,” he countered.
“Yeah, but you saw my mom. She’s desperate to see me.”
That was the truth, and I felt bad about it. Even with our spa weekends, she wanted to see me more. Now I could help with that and try to find some kind of inner zen with my dad.
He took a step closer, and I was forced to breathe in his clean scent. “Are you scared about this Admiral Williams thing? I mean, it’s okay. I definitely want you to be safe. Maybe you should go take that job until we get this thing wrapped up. I totally support that.”
I should’ve played along, and just saidyes, good idea, but I had a lifetime of trying to prove I wasn’t scared or too weak to overcome, so I immediately snapped, “No, I’m not scared! This is just what I want to do.”
Kennedy’s eyes narrowed, and a muscle flexed in his jaw. “Let me ask you this, sweets. Is this really about us instead?”
My breath left my chest in a whoosh. “No.” Dammit, I sounded breathless. “Why would you say that?” Was my voice higher in pitch?
“Things got serious. You got scared. Now you’re running.”
Oh God, I was going to puke. Or pass out. I was definitely dizzy.
Should I agree? But then he might try to convince me to stay, and that would seriously break me. I wasn’t strong enough to survive Kennedy when he was being sincere and sweet. I could barely withstand his womanizing charm. It had been so much easier to keep my walls up with him when I thought I’d been one of a long line of women. That he didn’t care for me more than a fun romp while deployed. Burn off a little post-battle horny.
I did the best and worst thing possible. I lifted my chin, put my hands on my hips and squished my face up with scorn. “You thought things got serious?” I scoffed. “A couple make out sessions doesn’t make us serious, Kennedy. The only thing I was serious about was getting off. Don’t pretend you wanted anything deeper. We had that discussion. It was just sex. Exclusive, but still just sex. So, no, I’m not running from you. I just had a better offer, that’s all.”
Watching Kennedy’s eyes go dead was the worst thing I’ve ever seen–and I’ve seen real death in the field. He stepped back, let his arms hang at his sides.
Before my eyes, he went SEAL mode. Focused. Closed off. Leaving the personal behind.
I’d hurt him. Others might not notice, but I couldn’t miss it. My words had hit their mark and made me see how much Kennedy was all-in with me.
Knowing I was the one who made him shut down gutted me. I swallowed hard to keep the words in—that I hadn’t meant it. That it was all a lie. But the baby taking crazy possession of my body wasn’t a lie either.
A hardness crashed down on his face. “Got it. Loud and clear. Just sex, and now it’s off. Roger that.” He saluted before he flung my door open and stalked out.
I stood there trembling for a count of three, and then I covered my mouth to hold in the sob.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
KENNEDY
I couldn’t fucking believeit.