It was such a rudimentary sentiment—not wishing another’s death, and yet it was my breaking point. I lifted my arms to his shoulders as my face fell to his wide chest. New tears dampened his t-shirt as my chest shuddered with sobs. His hold lightened, yet he didn’t let me go, keeping me against him.
Finally, Rett spoke. I felt his words vibrating from his chest. “You are a queen—mine, New Orleans’s. What happened today doesn’t change that.” He ran his hand gently over my back. “I will spend the rest of my life telling you that, Emma.”
Sniffling, I tried to back away, but there was nowhere for me to go.
Rett held me tight. “I learned something today, too.”
I looked up. “You did? Something besides not wanting to kill me.”
He nodded. “A few things.”
I waited.
“What you called nice wasn’t easy.”
“But you did it.”
“I guess that’s what I learned. I learned that while violence is my go-to response, I am capable of making exceptions.” He leaned back until his gaze met mine. “I learned thatyouare that exception. What happened to you today...I saw it as an attack on me.”
I started to speak but stopped as Rett went on.
“I did. I told you that I’m selfish. I am. I see life through one lens. That lens only views the world from my perspective. Today when we were coming up with dead ends and you were still missing, I was rabid. I wanted to hurt, needed to lash out.”
The muscles of his arms tightened around me.
“Nothing has ever stopped me from acting on those impulses,” he went on, “ever—until today. When we found you and it was confirmed you were inside, I didn’t want anyone to see you. I didn’t know what I’d find once I went through the next doorway or even if you were still alive. I just knew you were my responsibility, and your fate was in my hands.” He took a deep breath. “I instructed my men to stay out, and I went in that room alone. That’s crazy. Hell, it’s the recipe for my death. I knew that. I knew it could have been a trap set by Kyle.”
He exhaled. “You see, part of who I am, what I do, means I must stay protected. My men would die for me and I’d ask nothing less. When I’m out, no matter where I am, there are always men around me. Today I told them to stand back because of you. It fucking broke my heart to see you like that.” He tilted his head. “Until today, I wasn’t sure that organ existed within me.”
My cheeks rose as I listened.
“Don’t get any ideas. It broke because it’s made of stone.”
I again placed my hand over Rett’s chest. “It’s beating.”
“And so is yours. Not only because I found you. It’s beating because when those horrible thoughts were going through your mind, when you were afraid and degraded, you didn’t give up.” He smiled. “I heard you tell them what you’d do if either of them put his cock...”
“Yeah, I said I’d bite it off.”
“That was the second I knew that with you, I had to react differently.”
“Because you’re afraid of me?” I asked with a grin.
“No, Emma, because I admired you...I do admire you. That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. What you did today was stupid. It needs to be punished. For now, that punishment can wait.”
“I think I’ve been punished.”
“Not enough.” Rett looked toward the table and pulled back my chair. “Try to eat. Talking to my men can wait until tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I’d thanked him for.
Was it for his assistance in sitting?
Was it for his heartfelt honest reckoning?
Or was I grateful that I’d been saved?
Even with the horrible memories, I thought I was—grateful.