Was it probably toxic and dangerous as fuck that I felt like that? Yeah. Did I give a fuck? No.
I looked down at the ring in my hand.
Reina wasn’t losing me, either. I’d made her a promise. And I wasn’t letting her make me break that promise just because she thought it was the right thing or the better thing to do. I didn’t want kids without her. So even if I let her have her way and let her walk away from me, from us, from everything great we had together, I’d never settle for another woman. I’d never have kids anyway.
She was the only woman I wanted everything with.
I stepped outside where I’d seen her disappear earlier. I’d been in the middle of talking to River about an upcoming run when she’d emerged from our room, grabbed coffee, and headed outside. She hadn’t spoken a word to anyone. River had voiced to me that Adelaide was worried about her. Reina had been short with her for a few days now, and it was killing Adelaide to see her so withdrawn, especially since there was nothing she could really do about it.
Adelaide had the one thing Reina was being told she’d never have: kids of her own. And I knew that had to fucking hurt her. But it wasn’t Adelaide’s fault that she was gifted with the option of childbirth and Reina wasn’t.
I ran my eyes over my woman’s back, quietly shutting the clubhouse door back behind me so she wouldn’t hear me. It was just the two of us out here. The sun was setting, casting beautiful shades of orange, red, blue, and purple across the cloudless sky. She was staring out at it, lost in thought, not even acknowledging the fact that she was no longer alone.
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure she’d noticed. My boots crunched over the gravel when I moved, but I was pretty sure she was deaf to it.
I placed my hand on her lower back, right above my name, making her jump in shock. Her wide, pretty eyes locked on mine when she swung her head to look at me. “Sam,” she breathed. She rubbed her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut. “Sorry; I was lost in my head.”
I took a seat beside her. “Thought so, baby girl.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Want to talk about it?”
She looked back up at the sky again. “Just trying to figure out why all the bad shit keeps happening to me.” She set her mug of coffee down. “I ran here to escape my parents.” I clenched my jaw at the reminder of the hell she’d come from—of what her stepdad had done to her. Reina had shown up here with bruises a few years ago, asking if she could work for protection. She hadn’t even had to ask. We protected women without needing fucking payment in return. “Then, I was fucking raped—again.” I flinched at that reminder. I’d never forget Joey carrying her naked body inside from behind the clubhouse. If I could, I’d castrate that mother fucker all over again.
Gregory—a fucking asshole that had zero respect for women—had found Reina behind the clubhouse when she was taking the trash out. He hadn’t taken no for an answer when he’d tried pressuring her into sex. She hadn’t been a club bunny. She was under our protection, but he hadn’t cared. He’d taken what he wanted from her. Joey found her, but Reina was tight-lipped about it all, wouldn’t tell either of us anything.
But she told Adelaide.
And River and I had dragged him out back, cut his dick and balls off, and shoved them down his throat, suffocating him. He’d paid the price for his caveman tendencies.
When a woman said no, it was fucking no. There was no argument needed after that. No pressure. And no certainly wasn’t another way of just saying ‘take what you want, anyway’.
“I was shot,” Reina whispered, continuing on with her list of shitty things that had happened to her, shitty things she had never deserved. She’d gotten the shit end of the stick so many times. Why did all the bad things happen to the good people?
I clenched my jaw. I’d never forget the fucking day she was shot either. I’d been with River at another club, helping them take care of shit when River had been checking in on Adelaide and heard gunshots. By the time we got back, Reina had taken a bullet to the thigh and to the shoulder, both requiring surgery. She’d lost a fuck ton of blood and almost hadn’t made it.
It was the first time I’d kissed her.
It had also started our game of back and forth. I’d laid claim on her, but I hadn’t let her lay one on me.
We’d been a mess for years after that day. I didn’t want anyone else touching her, but I wasn’t completely ready to be tied down yet.
It had been a clusterfuck.
“My back . . .” Reina’s voice trailed off. I slid my hand further up, feeling the scarring beneath her tattoo. She swallowed thickly. “And now, premature menopause.” She looked over at me, tears glistening in her eyes. God, I hated the pain residing in those beautiful depths. “What did I do to deserve all of this bullshit, Sam? Was I horrible in a past life?” She looked back up at the colorful sky. It was almost like the beauty of it was mocking this moment—mocking her. “I don’t get it.”
I tugged her closer to me, draping her across my lap. “We didn’t protect you like we promised you we would,” I told her quietly. And whether I liked it or not, that was the fucking truth. “It’s my fault and the club’s fault that you were raped, shot, and cut the fuck up.” She shook her head, but I was firm on that. “Reina, itisour fault. None of that shit happened because you’re a horrible person.We didn’t protect you.Fuck, baby, I didn’t protect you.”
And I would live with that guilt and that knowledge for the rest of my fucking life.
She looked up at me through her wet lashes, but there weren’t any tears on her cheeks yet. “Why are we so fucked up?” she whispered.
I rubbed the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip. “Because normalcy is fucking overrated, baby girl.”
She blew out a shaky laugh. I grabbed the ring from my cut and grabbed her hand in mine. She gasped when she saw the glittering diamond between my fingers. Her eyes snapped back up to mine. A crooked grin pulled at my lips. “Want to continue being fucked up together, baby girl? We’re together ‘til death do us part anyway, but I’d like to do right by you.”
She nodded, lost for words. I brushed my nose with hers. “That a yes?” I whispered.
She nodded again, her lips parting like she wanted to say something but couldn’t manage to get the words past her lips.
I slipped the ring on her finger and then pressed my lips to hers, taking those sweet lips as my own.