I sat on the bathroom floor of my hotel room and hugged the toilet. Nausea had woken me from a fitful sleep an hour ago. Even though I’d thrown up the contents of my stomach, that didn’t mean the misery was over. I felt awful. God, I hated being nauseous. The cool porcelain felt good against my clammy skin. If I felt better, I’d cringe at the way I’d recently become BFFs with a toilet.
It had been two weeks since I’d been transported back to Earth. Two weeks since Warden Egara found me unconscious on the transport pad. She’d been stunned to see me. From my perspective, I’d only been on Trion for two days. But according to some really messed up space-time weirdness I didn’t understand, eleven weeks had passed on Earth. Eleven weeks since she’d transported me off planet to my new mate, to Roark. She’d assumed I was successfully settled. Perfectly matched.
Happy.
And I had been, for a few hours at least. But the two weeks since my return had felt like forever. For two weeks I waited for Roark to come for me. Yes, the doctor had said he was dead when the Drovers attacked the guards, but I hadn’t believed her. Roark had said he’d come for me, that he’d be safe. He had promised me.
And yet, time passed and I was alone. No word was sent through the Brides Processing center to me, no messages arrived from Trion. Warden Egara gave me her word she would contact me immediately once she heard news of Roark.
I had called her every day and…nothing. No news. The warden had even sent a request for information to their planetary government. All they would tell her was that there had been a slaughter at Outpost Two with no survivors.
No survivors, except me.
I alternated between being mad and sad. Mad that he’d left me, that he’d chosen to take care of his parents instead of me. He’d put me second, protecting his parents and the people of the camp, pushed me away to take care of more important things. He’d behaved exactly the way I’d come to expect from the people in my life. Just like my parents. I was their child and they just shoved me in boarding school so I didn’t interfere in their lives. Like my stupid fiancé, Curtis, who’d fucked others because he didn’t want to take the time to know me, or bother to learn about me or what would make me happy.
When the anger drained me of energy, I switched to despair. I hated Roark, was so very angry at the thought that he was dead. I’d kept the hope alive that he’d come, that I could yell at him, tell him how mad I was and then kiss him senseless.
But after fourteen days, I stopped lying to myself. He wasn’t coming. He was dead.
I’d even called my parents—who I’d tracked down to a villa in Sardinia—to tell them I was back on Earth. They’d been confused at first, wondering when I’d ever left. Apparently they never found the note, never even knew I’d been several light years away getting it on with a hot space alien. They hadn’t cared, only asked if anyone knew about my return.
They didn’t speak the word failure. They didn’t need to. Everyone on the planet knew that brides never came back. Except me.
Always, I disappointed them. They obviously didn’t know that Warden Egara used to be a bride and that she, too, had returned a widow. I hadn’t bothered to enlighten them. All of it was irrelevant. They had never really cared what was going on with me. They still didn’t.
They weren’t even coming home to Boston, instead continuing on with their three-month tour of the Mediterranean through winter. Be back in March, they said. Can’t wait to see me, they said. Welcome to stay in any of their homes, they said.
I was like a pet, not a daughter.
I was alone and angry and hurting. And the bitch of it was, I was also pretty sure I was pregnant. With an alien’s baby.
God, my mother would fucking love that. I’d have to make up an Earth fling. If they knew the child growing inside me wasn’t human, they’d freak. Talk about not belonging at the country club.
Yes, I had to be pregnant. This wasn’t the stomach flu, because after about an hour, and some saltine crackers, I felt fine.
By lunchtime, I was ready to eat anything put in front of me, and this was the third day the vomiting had happened. And my period was late. Only a few days, but I knew. I was never late. My breasts hurt, ached and were painful to touch. They were even more sensitive. The nipple rings kept me constantly aroused—except when I felt like hurling—and the chain only made it all more intense. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d made myself come with my fingers, thinking of Roark’s thick cock.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Roark. I had his rings, his chain that dangled between. I had the small knife he’d pressed into my palm, the golden blade that had saved my life. I had memories. I knew what it felt like to be wanted, to be claimed and caressed and loved until I couldn’t see straight.
It was more than some girls ever got, and I tried not to hate him for making me fall in love with him and then dying.
One night of wild sex. One night and that was all his powerful Trion sperm needed to make me pregnant. To breed me. That was the word he’d used. He’d needed a bride to breed. Well, it worked. I had his gold, my memories, and a baby. His baby, growing inside me.
The tears fell then, plopping onto the cold, white edge of the toilet’s rim. I had my hair tied back in a ponytail so it wouldn’t fall into the water. If he were here, he could hold my hair for me while I puked. He could bring me water and crackers. He could pull me into his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay.
But he wasn’t here. I’d never see him again.
Warden Egara had offered to put me through the bride processing protocol again. I could be matched to another warrior since Roark was presumed dead. I’d decided against it, my wounds too raw. The shock of my experience with Roark too painful. I needed time to process.
And now this.
I placed my palm low, over my abdomen, and wondered who was there. A little girl with my eyes and Roark’s darker skin? A son with dark hair and eyes the color of chocolate? I imagined Roark’s face in miniature from a baby boy and the tears streamed down my face in an uncontrollable flood.
I grabbed a tissue and wiped the wetness from my cheeks. God, hormones were a bitch. I had one night with my perfect man. One night where we’d committed ourselves to each other.
He’d promised. Promised! But no, he was gone. Left me alone. Just like my parents, like Curtis, the asshole. Oh, we might be on the same planet again, but I knew now he really did have a pencil dick.
Warden Egara had been sympathetic when I said I wanted to stay nearby the Miami Transport Center to wait. She’d come to check on me every day and I felt a connection with her. She’d lost two husbands and knew how I felt, for she’d felt it even worse. She’d had more than one day to get to know her mates. And she’d had two Prillon warriors for mates. The sad story had come out of her in her efforts to console me. She’d suffered a double loss. If I felt this horrible after spending just a day with Roark, then I couldn’t imagine how she got out of bed every day. How she breathed in and out. How she got on with her life.