‘But we’re okay, right?’
I take a stilted breath. ‘We’re fine,’ I lie. ‘Have a good day, Summer.’
I don’t wait for her to respond. I up my pace and join Danny on the front porch, throwing my focus into him and off the woman with the haunted blue gaze who had looked close to tears as I left.
Was it cruel, after what we’d shared the night before, to dismiss it so readily to her face?
But what was the alternative? To acknowledge it? To admit that it had meant something? To admit that I want more—so much more?
‘Dammit all!’
‘Sorry, sir?’
Danny’s frowning up at me.
‘Nothing. Sorry. Let’s go.’
Before I race back inside and beg for forgiveness...and for the future I know we can’t have.
Summer
‘Don’t you worry about him, Rufus.’ I tickle his head, though I’m talking more to myself as I watch Edward’s swiftly departing form. ‘He’s only in a grump because he doesn’t know how to handle last night. He’ll come round.’
I hope.
‘And in the meantime, it’s bath time, buddy.’
He gives the same whimper and I smile at him, hunch down to his level.
‘It’ll be fun, I promise.’
‘Fun’ becomes a very interesting and very wet game of hide-and-seek, with Rufus trying to hide his huge frame and me trying to wash him and not the entire boot room. But we get there eventually, and if I say so myself he smells divine.
‘One job down, buddy. Plenty more to go!’
Like carrying on Katherine’s legacy...
It would’ve been good to talk through some ideas with Edward—though I have a feeling he’d caution me to walk before I can run. But I’m excited. I’ve never had the means to do good on such a level.
I’ve volunteered in exchange for bed and board in places across the globe—Asia, Africa, Latin America—and I’ve repaired homes, built classrooms, clinics, taught English, given love and care to kids who need it. But to have money now...enough money to give back on an entirely different scale... The idea fills me with enthusiasm and an impatience to act.
And heaven knows I need the distraction, with Edward’s tormented gaze and parting words plaguing me, threatening to replay over and over until I want to run away and not look back. Proving I’m no better than I was all those years ago.
But I am better. I am stronger. I know my own worth and I’m determined to do right by Katherine if it’s the last thing I do.
As for Edward’s reaction... I can’t blame him for being wary, for keeping me at a distance—not with our history and with the way I live my life now. Doesn’t make his dismissal any easier to bear, though...
I head upstairs, with Rufus on my tail, and change out of my wet clothes into something comfy and warm.
Now what?
I look at Rufus at my feet. ‘How about a tour?’ He gives his approval in the form of a bark. ‘Getting my bearings again counts as walking before running, right?’
We set off together, and his company goes some way towards softening Edward’s chilling departure. I give silent thanks to Katherine for another unexpected gift, while the real gift, the estate itself, brings back so many memories.
The castle is much the same—aside from the bathrooms, which have been upgraded, the surprising lift that’s been added at the heart of the castle, and the cinema room that’s like a miniature theatre. But as we approach my old bedroom I can see the degradation, the damp that needs treating, the floors that need stripping, the walls that need re-papering.
I reach my bedroom door, see the heart made from wicker still hanging there and brush my fingers over it, a bittersweet smile on my lips.