“I definitely called for help. I didn’t expect...” Should I be flirty or plain? It didn’t matter now; I’d hesitated too long. “You.”
Jax gave a deep bow. “At your service. Your fingers are frozen.” He grabbed both of my hands and pressed them between his.
Heat seared through my icy skin, and I groaned in appreciation. I looked up to find Jax watching me with an unreadable look.
“I do love the sounds you make when you’re content or happy,” he said.
Thank God he couldn’t see the blush that raced over my skin. A sliver of fear attached to a memory crowded its way into my thoughts, and it took me a moment to decipher it. This wasn’t the Jax who I’d had a friendly relationship with over the last few years. This was the guy who led me on and broke my heart in high school.
But he wasn’t. He’d changed, and I’d seen that.
The knowledge didn’t stop a whisper of doubt from burrowing under my skin. “We should get going before we both freeze.”
“Yeah. Sure.” He shook his head. “We’ll get someone back out here in the morning to take care of your car. Grayson knows a guy.” Jax held his passenger door open for me until I was secure in my seat, then hurried around to slide into the driver’s side.
“Right. I’ll make arrangements in the morning.”
Jax pulled onto the freeway, and we headed toward Salt Lake. “May I bring you home again? Our place?” He asked. “For that conversation we all need to have?”
Right.The Conversation. That thing I’d been itching for since this morning, that suddenly loomed more terrifying than any monster. If we did this, how much of our relationship would I destroy?
Not as much as if I let things drag out. I’d hate myself and resent them if we let this go on and I got attached, before they cut me loose. “Yes.”
“That’s it. Justyes?” He glanced sideways at me.
“It’s not. I want to say a lot more. But if I start now, I won’t stop, and you were right that we should all be there.” We all needed to be on the same page, and saying what I had to was going to be hard enough once. I didn’t want to repeat myself.
“Yeah. Of course.”
Silence settled between us, complete with the faint sounds of his stereo providing the background music. Almost like a movie, except at this point in a film, we’d probably be hearing some heartbroken ballad by Adele, and not the Blink182 whispering through his speakers.
Basket Caseby Green Day popped up next, and I turned up the volume. It was as appropriate a song as any for my mood. Neither one of us moved to turn the music back down for the rest of the drive. Not the most awkward hour-plus ever of my life, but probably in the top ten.
When we got back to their place, Grayson was waiting. The quick kiss they shared was the same one I’d seen hundreds of times, but tonight it was another reminder that part of their life was for them alone, and that wouldn’t change.
Grayson gave me a friendly smile. “I hope you didn’t freeze out there. Do you want hot chocolate? A blanket?”
His sweet consideration tightened the already-clenching fist around my heart. “I warmed up in Jax’s car.” Did that sound dirty? “Heated seats and all. Nothing else.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Grayson shrugged.
Jax gave a tight chuckle. “Sounds like us the entire way here.”
That was as good an opening as any. “Speaking of... Thank you for comi—” I my brain glitched on the unintentional innuendo “—picking me up. I’m super grateful. I’m also wondering... can we skip the small talk and get this over with?”
“That’s a good idea.” Grayson nodded at the couch.
I wasn’t ready to sit, and it looked like neither of them was either. Because all of us standing around was so much more comfortable. Not.
“It sounds like you have specific thoughts. You first,” Grayson said.
How was that fair? Then again, would anything they said make a difference? This was where I cut us off, even if they wanted to keep up the fun, and if I set the tone, I may save us all a bit of saying things we might regret. “You’re both wonderful—in bed and out of it—and this fling, whatever you’d like to call it, is amazing.”
Jax opened his mouth, and Grayson rested a hand on his arm.
Not a subtle or unique gesture, but it added more weight to my decision. “But it’s not going anywhere. I know that. The two of you are together, and I’m like the side dish. The longer we keep going, with the sex, the more likely one of us will get hurt when it ends.” Me, most likely, since that brief speech clawed at my throat.
Jax scowled. Had I stolen his thunder by dumping myself? I crossed my arms in front of my chest, feeling exposed in a decidedly non-delicious way.