ChapterFifteen
Asher
We check in at the outpatient ambulatory center and take a seat to wait for them to call me back for pre-surgery prep. Unlike the first surgery I had, which was thirty minutes long, the reversal takes about four hours, but I am allowed to go home the same day. We decided to stay at a hotel instead of going home since Carla doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on right now. After a few days, I should be well enough to go home and not raise suspicions with my brothers.
We also made an appointment with Carla’s ob-gyn, to talk about treatments or medication that will help us get pregnant. Once we get all that together we can begin to navigate merging our lives. I don’t want to stifle Carla, I want to benefit her, lighten the load, and be her greatest asset and cheerleader. She’s gripping my hand like she is terrified.
“It’s okay baby doll, I’ve done this before… remember?”
“I know, but anything can happen, and I wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to you. And how would I explain to your brothers that this happened because you were trying to make me happy?”
“Baby, worry about us okay? Stop worrying about my brothers. If I love you, they’ll love you. Okay?”
“Okay.” She says as she takes a deep breath.
“Asher Gideon?”
“That’s me,” I say to the nurse who is waiting for me. I walk over to her with Carla by my side.
“Mr. Gideon?”
“Yes,” I confirmed, and she proceeds to verify my information before saying, “Mrs. Gideon you’ll have to wait out here until we get him ready. Once he is prepped a nurse will come to get you and escort you to his room.”
“Oh, I’m not…”
“It’s okay dove, it shouldn’t take long,” I say cutting her off from telling the nurse she is not my wife, as I lean over and kiss her quickly. “I’ll see you in a few minutes,” I say as I walk away with the nurse.
A week later we are sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for Dr. Read. Carla’s knee is bouncing until I reach over and place my hand on her.
“I’m nervous Asher.”
“I know baby, but it’ll be alright. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Yes, I can. I told you, if we can’t have a baby naturally, we will try IVF with or without FET, and if that fails, we will adopt a baby. There are plenty of babies that would be a blessing to us. So, stop worrying, we will have our family however God sees fit.”
“And you’d be okay with that?”
“I grew up with no parents, baby, and my brothers and I were lucky that my aunt and uncle not only took us in without hesitation but truly treated us like their own. So yes, I would be more than okay adopting a child who will be a blessing to us and our family. Stop stressing.” Just as she opens her mouth, the doctor walks in.
Thirty minutes later we are headed to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription for Metformin. Along with ovulation tests, and a couple of journals to keep track of everything. Even though Carla is worried, I am not, and I need her to chill out and trust the process. Supplies in hand we head home to start truly working on enlarging our family.
Six Months Later
Carla
I start the timer for three minutes and wait. How can three minutes feel like three decades? I think I have created groves in the floor from the pacing. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Asher pulls me into his arms.
“Baby doll, stop pacing.”
“I’m nervous Asher.”
“Well, that’s obvious, baby, but I keep telling you we’ll be fine.”
I huff out a breath and stop short of rolling my eyes, he’s so damn optimistic I could just throw up. No matter what happens his response is; it’s okay baby doll, Stop stressing little one, we’ll be fine dove. Ugh! I don’t want to hear that because it’s not okay, but I wouldn’t dare say that to him. Not only will it earn me a punishment, but I don’t want him to think I am ungrateful for his patience and support.
The timer goes off and I… I can’t move. I am such a damn coward, a few seconds ago the three minutes couldn’t go by fast enough and now I wish I had a few more minutes. When a few more seconds go by and I still don’t move Asher reaches down and picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and bury my face in his neck as he walks over to the counter and picks up the test. He is quiet for so long I am forced to ask.