Chapter Twenty-One
“Is everything okay?” Kyle inquired as he softly trailed his lips around my neck. He came over for dinner and drinks and since both delights had come and gone, he was ready for dessert.
Eyes shut, my pulse was on a steady rhythm as I tried with every fiber in me to concentrate on what Kyle ought to make me feel. But for some reason, the thought of sex didn’t appeal to me. The heightened urge to go cry myself to sleep held a stronger pull than any physical activity.
“It’s that kind of night, huh?” he murmured, sounding more understanding than disappointed. He knew what I had been through, which was why he wasn’t so particularly adamant on sex, though he did keep on trying.
Tonight wasn’t an exception. This was his tenth try in a span of two weeks, all to no avail. My heart was broken, and for the life of me, I seemed to have lacked the capacity on mending it. I had done it once before. This time, though, the wound seemed too deep, my heart too shattered to even dare beat again. I felt dead, lifeless, as those dark fathomless eyes that cursed me right outside Phoenix’s house came to mind.
“How long do you plan to mope in your apartment? You have to speak to him, Cara.” Kyle sighed before leaning back against the couch with his head resting on my shoulder. “I don’t think you’ve noticed, but you’ve lost weight. Whatever’s eating you inside, you have to fix that, pretty one.”
“I just need more time. I’m sure I’ll be okay.” I sounded so hollow that I barely recognized my voice. I hardly had the capacity to convince myself, so I doubted Kyle bought the lies.
How did one say that she didn’t know where to begin? My spirit had all but dissipated, and all I could think about was that tragic moment.
I hope you sleep well knowing that you’ve thrown everything away. This one’s on you, Cara. This one’s definitely you.
He plagued me, and now it was I who couldn’t sleep.
Kyle stayed for another hour before leaving for the night. He seemed so worried about me. He believed that if I resolved this conflict with River, I would be in better form. But what he couldn’t comprehend was that I wasn’t ready to speak to River, even on friendly terms.
Him running into Hailey’s arms was an example of how warped this all was. He really wasn’t with her, not in the sense that mattered. His heart yearned for me, but he wouldn’t let his battered ego take his manhood away. So, he ran toward the person who would hurt me the most, just as I broke his heart by sleeping with Kyle. He was out for revenge, and he damn well knew how to serve it to me—cold and rotten.
I had an idea how ugly it could get once he realized what I had done, but never in my twisted mind did I picture this. Never this.
It was perverse that he wanted us both to suffer. One couldn’t have all the happiness while the other suffered, now could they? Oh no, he warmly conjured a sickened web full of endless pain with the both of us miserably sharing our down-rotten fate. It was brilliant in the most heartbreaking way. Fucked up, but beautifully brilliant.
And crazy as it sounded, my love remained steadfast, fiercer than ever. Sometimes I wished our minds could dictate to our hearts. It would make the world a better place with less people impaired from broken hearts inflicted by soulless people who had altered their rose-tinted beliefs in life.
Just as expected, the night haunted me with the same bittersweet memories of the past. Even drinking myself to stupor wouldn’t kill the blasted memories. They came alive and torture me until my heart could bear it no longer.
It was becoming such a wearisome habit, waking up in the afternoon. Wallowing about my misfortunes wasn’t one of the things I liked to exercise, but as stated before, I couldn’t shake away the ill-gotten feeling that festered in my soul.
Still shifting in my bed, I reached out for my phone to check what time it was. Three-thirty. I slept thirty more minutes than yesterday.
I had a missed call from River. Time froze as my once tired eyes vanished while staring at the screen. He called three hours ago, and evidently left a voicemail.
With bated breath, I pressed play.
“Hey, I know I promised never to call you, but I’m hella excited, and you’re the first person I wanted to share the news with that I’m working on an album. It’s crazy, I know. I didn’t think this could happen … but it fucking did. So, yeah, and uh, I’ll be playing at the House of Blues tomorrow. I’ll be playing two songs that are mine, and the rest will be covers. But yeah, will you please come? It’d mean so much to me if you could pop in and give a little support. You’ve always been there in every huge milestone I’ve had. This is another, and I want you there. I need you there.”He paused.“Cara … I hope you’re okay. Well, uh, hope to see you. Good-bye.”
River undoubtedly was ready to pursue his music. I was unquestionably ecstatic to learn that he was about to achieve another dream that he had once longed for.
He had swallowed his pride and called, and by the sound of his voice, the undeniable excitement when he announced that he was making an album, I knew he was going to put his heart, soul, sweat, and blood into his music. He would channel everything in there, creating all the ugliness into something beautiful.
As elated as I was for him, I couldn’t for the life of me decide if I was ready to face him. He was still with Hailey, and she wouldn’t pass a great opportunity for publicity. She would definitely be all over this, like bees to honey.
So, who do I call to relay my present conundrum? I immediately speed-dialed Kyle.
The man took the call after two rings.
“Don’t tell me you’ve just woken up. You’re not a vampire, so you better fix that schedule and join the rest of us normal human beings. It’s been two weeks, Cara. Anyone would agree that your time’s up from mourning your first love. Take a page from my book. I’m still fucked up, but I’m on top of my game. Success is the only thing that might make you feel better. Doesn’t come close, I know, but it’s a good consolation, no less.”
Kyle was a few years older than me, but his advice made sense. However, putting thought into action laid the difficulty.
“Thanks for the insightful advice, Dr. Matthews,” I sarcastically drawled before making a small yawn. “He called and left a voicemail. He’s pursuing music and has a gig tomorrow. He wants me to be there. Any advice on that since you’re on a roll today?”
“Well, are you planning on going?”