Most of the guests milled in the backyard where the party thrived, so when I made the beeline for the front door, there weren’t many people around. Pleased that none of the people I knew were there to witness my cowardly action, I immediately shut the door behind me before taking a few steps before seeing River stood right on the pavement, deep in thought while smoking a cigarette.
Fuck, my entire system halted from functioning as I took in his form. He still had that scruffy look about him, and more beautiful than ever. He wasn’t just River anymore. In my eyes, he was Hailey’s man.
My eyes misted at the thought of that before it droned toward the cigarette at his lips. When did he start that awful habit?
Just before I could retrace my steps, River caught sight of me, turning me into a scattered mess. My mind went mad while my heart thumped in pain. With every breath I took, it didn’t lessen the sting of losing him for the second time.
“Cara,” he said in surprise, not expecting to find me out here. He took a few steps, leaving about five feet on gap between us.
I badly wanted to crawl and hide, but my pride made me stand my ground. “I’m waiting for my ride. It won’t be long, so don’t mind me. Just do what you have to do. We don’t have to do this … Small talk, I mean.”
Somehow, River seemed too dense to care about what I tried to convey. He had an odd expression on his face. It was difficult to decipher. It was in the middle of being sheepish and nonchalance.
“I guess you, uh, saw us inside then?”
It was crass of him to even ask. Anyone in the vicinity observed his insatiable appetite. There was no need to get a confirmation from your ex. Unless he wanted feedback. Was that what he aimed for?
“What’d you think, River?” My shaky voice came out with more emotions than I had intended. Shit. Why couldn’t he just go on with his life and not bother with small talk?
“What do I think?” His eyes didn’t travel anywhere else; they were stuck staring me down, like I could vanish in a heartbeat. “It doesn’t matter … I never mattered where you were concerned, right, Cara?”
All the pent-up emotions ruptured upon hearing him lay blame at my feet. How dare he?
“Are you fucking out of your mind? Are you really going to head into that bullshit while everyone witnessed you coming out of that bathroom after fucking her?” I spewed my hate with utter disdain, hating and loving him on sight. “Younever mattered? Oh, that’s crap! Did I fucking matter when you were surrounded with all those famous people? Did I matter when you missed my birthday because you had to walk her down the red carpet? Or those times I cried because I wouldn’t hear from you for days on end? Did I matter then?
“I was supposed to be your fiancée, but I came last on your priority list. How did you think I felt when I saw those pictures of you kissing Hailey. Tell me, did I matter then?” Reliving those hellish moments never failed to enrage me, yet I took him back, time and time again, even after all the lies. I had loved him enough to believe his lies. And I had loathed myself for that.
“So, don’t you dare stand here and make up all these excuses that you didn’t matter. Stop blaming me for being such a whore! Maybe if you stop for one second and not think with your dick, maybe you wouldn’t be in this position!”
River looked deadly as he locked his jaws. His eyes remained on mine before he took a step, about to close the tiny space between us.
I recoiled at the sight of him being so close. “Don’t you fucking dare! Stay where you are!” I snapped, beyond ballistic at the thought of him touching me. He knew too well that all he had to do was touch me and I would be his for the time being. But no, I wasn’t going to fall into one of his tricks in taming me. We were through, and I intended for it to remain as thus.
He raked his hand over his hair, making him seem more dangerous than before. “Why do you treat me like this? Was I ever this nasty to you after you fucked Kyle?” His eyes were dark ice. I could feel the heat and the cold of them seeping into my bones, slashing me with those fathomless depths. “How long did it take you to jump into his bed each time I left for Ireland, huh? All those times I laid my heart at your feet, you were laughing at me. I can’t fucking get over that!”
“Oh, shut up already!” I bellowed, wanting him to vanish from my sight.
“That’s what I’ve been doing, Cara. I’ve held my tongue, even if I wanted to fucking choke the life out of you because I thoughtmy Carawas different. But you proved that you’ve changed by fucking him, even after everything we’ve been through. God knows I’ve tried everything, but nothing’s ever enough!” His face was inches from mine as he breathed down on me with such intensity I felt faint. “Well, you’ve got what you wished for. I’ve moved on, just as you asked. Does it feel good?”
Why couldn’t he just leave me be and go back to Hailey!
“I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you!” I venomously spat back, past caring that we were on the verge of killing each other.
“Good, because that’s all we have left, isn’t it? Devoid of everything … Because fuck, I’m numb with everything else but hate. I’ve got a shit ton of that.”
I felt like I was about to have a breakdown, right here, out on the pavement.
“Stop … just stop.” My plea wasn’t answered as he closed the small gap between us, his breath caressing my skin.
“Look at me. Look at me, damn you!” His loathing cold eyes seemed dead, almost lifeless. “I hope you sleep well knowing that you’ve thrown everything away. This one’s on you, Cara. This one’s definitely you.” He took one breath, then the next, before he cuttingly disconnected his gaze and began walking away, leaving me alone, reeling and wondering what just happened.
This one’s on you, Cara.
His last words hit where it hurt the most. The moment everything unraveled, there was no stopping the tidal wave of pain that was brought upon by my actions. River couldn’t get over that I betrayed him. In his eyes “his Cara” was an angel. And after learning what I had been doing with Kyle, well, the was the nail to the coffin for his love for me.
We were no more. Tonight just cemented that.
This one’s on you, Cara.
He was right, and I wasn’t going to ever forget it.