Maddox stares back at him, his eyes going hooded in that way they do, like he’s more snake than human. His jaw clenches, and the gaze he levels on Lennox could turn bones to dust.“Qué sapo puto.”
“Is that true?” Lee asks, narrowing his eyes at Maddox.
Maddox’s jaw works, and then he leans forward and spits a stream of blood at Lee’s feet.“Si,”he says, straightening and staring Lee down with eyes as green as emeralds but hard as diamond. “It was me. And I ever see you put your hands on your daughter again, I’ll fucking kill you next time.”
“You son of a bitch,” Lee rages, baring his teeth in fury.
A police car turns onto the street, lights flashing and sirens wailing. Lee glances that way, and Maddox uses the momentary distraction to step forward and slam his forehead into Lee’s face. I hear the bones in his nose snap, and I almost vomit on the spot.
“Maddox, no,” I scream, leaping for him. He ignores me as if I don’t exist.
“The only fucking bitch I see here is you,” he snarls at Lee, who stumbles backwards, screaming curses.
My stepdad grabs his nose with one hand and reaches for his gun with the other. I throw myself onto him, wrestling his arm to stop him from shooting. Blood streams down his arm, but by the time he throws me off and gets his gun out, the cruiser screeches to a stop at the curb. The doors fly open, and two uniformed officers sprint into the yard and slam into Maddox, who hits the ground so hard I can feel it tremble beneath my feet.
Lennox helps me up, wrapping his arms around me and holding me together even though I want to blow to a million pieces. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs into my hair.
I don’t think it will, though. I don’t think it will ever be okay again. My heart is a stone in my chest, frozen in shock and heavy as lead.
“What are you doing?” I cry, burying my face in his chest so I won’t see them wrestling to get Maddox under control. “You just ratted out your own brother.”
Even though Maddox is cuffed on the ground, he’s stronger than the two officers put together as he kicks and writhes, spits and curses. Finally, they whale on him with their Billy clubs to subdue him and then drag him to his feet. His face is battered and bleeding everywhere, and my stomach lurches like I’ll be sick again. Tears burst from my eyes and a sob tears loose from somewhere deep inside, one I can feel all the way to my bones, as if the roots of some invisible tree are being torn from the very core of my being.
“Maddox,” I cry in desperation, but Lennox pulls me back into his arms and holds me tighter.
“I did it for you, Rae,” he says, watching the cops shove his twin into the back to their cruiser. “Now we’ll be safe.”
four for boys
thirty-two
#1 on the Billboard Chart:
“If You Had My Love”—Jennifer Lopez
Rae West
“Am I making a terrible mistake?”
I whisper the question to the girl who stands in front of me, looking the furthest thing from a black crow imaginable. In her layers of white chiffon and lace, she’s like something out of a fairytale, a fantasy I dreamed into existence by the force of wanting it so badly. Not the wedding or the dress, but everything that comes with it—somewhere to belong, someone to belong to. Someday, a family to surround me the way mine never did, to anchor my feet to the ground like a tree, not a bird flying free.
I thought I was a lone crow for so long, a murder of one. I thought it was what I wanted to be. But Maddox was right back then. I’m not a crow. I never was, and I never will be. I thought I was flying, but really I was a seed blowing on the wind, looking for a place to grow, to put down roots. Lennox has given me that. I’m ready to grow, to be a tree, as I was always meant to be.
Not a crow, but somewhere one can nest and make its home.
I think of Poe on my roof. She always knew. She came to me looking to make her nest, her home.
And I got her killed.
“I wish you were here,” I whisper to the mirror, letting my fingertips touch the glass as if to show myself it’s not real. It doesn’t feel real. I wish anyone was here, that I had someone to confess my doubts and insecurities to. But I haven’t seen my mother since we left Mill Street. My chest still aches with the memory of that night, so I try not to think about it. Especially the night before my wedding.
I turn on the CD player and hit play. I’ve been listening to a lot of Poe lately, trying to find some connection with my dead crow. Or maybe it’s just better than listening to the silence of my lone reflection and missing the crow tapping outside my window. I still remember the time she tapped on the glass while I was so engrossed inThe Tommyknockersthat for a split second, I thought they’d come for me.
Maybe she was a bad omen after all.
But that’s silly. I’m getting married tomorrow, to the most patient, kind, beautiful boy who ever lived. My life is a fairytale.
I could ask Valeria what to do about cold feet, but it’s her son, and I don’t want her to think I don’t love him. I do.