“Where are you going?” Mom asks when I reach the bottom of the stairs.
“Away,” I say flatly. “I can’t live in the house with that monster anymore.”
“She’s running away from home because her bird died,” Lee mocks with a harsh chuckle. “Let her go, Maren. She’ll be back in an hour.”
“Fuck you,” I say, glaring at him. I’m not afraid of him anymore. He can’t hurt me with his arms in mummy casts. Not the way he used to, anyway.
His eyes narrow, and his jaw clenches. “What did you say, girl?”
“I said, fuck you,” I repeat. My heart is skittering crazily inside my chest, but I have to do this. If I don’t do it now, I might get cold and come back like he said. If I tell him what I think of him now, there’s no going back. He’ll wait, biding his time, until the casts are off, and then he’ll break my neck the way he did that person he arrested. The way he did Poe.
“You ungrateful little slut,” he growls, struggling to rise by leaning the forearm of his cast on the arm of his chair.
“What do I have to be grateful for?” I ask. “You murdering my pet? Beating the shit out of me and Mom? You’re lucky she cooks the meals around here. I’d have put poison in your soup a long time ago.”
Lee’s face turns red, his bushy brows drawing together into a unibrow. “Get out of my house,” he bellows. “And if you ever set foot in here again, I swear to god…”
“You’ll snap my neck like those chickens you killed on your farm as a kid?” I ask. “Are you going to eat my corpse so there’s no evidence? Or just pretend it was an accident? We all know your friends down at the precinct will take your side. That’s how it works, right? Don’t cross the blue line or some shit?”
“Out,” he thunders.
“Gladly,” I say, starting for the back door. “Don’t fall down the stairs while you’re all clumsy with those casts on. I’d hate to see you die a quick death without much suffering.”
I wish I had a free hand just so I could flip him off on my way out the door, like I always imagined. I figured I’d wait it out until I turned eighteen, but plans change.
I stride out the back door and slam it shut behind me. I’m too proud to beg someone for shelter, even the Norths, so I head for the shed. Inside, I make a little pallet of my clothes and shiver through the night in my jacket.
nineteen
#1 on the Billboard Chart:
“Together Again”—Janet Jackson
Rae West
I make it an entire week before I run out of clothes and my hair is greasy enough that I’m afraid Mrs. Peterson is going to call me into her office and offer me deodorant. Finally, I gather all my dirty clothes, shove them in my backpack, and head next door after school. Maddox has basketball practice, and Lennox’s car isn’t out front, so they won’t know. I stand under the tiny awning over the front door, trying to stay out of the drizzling rain, until Valeria pulls up in her gold Ford Taurus.
She steps out of the car and picks her way up the cracked walkway to the front door, jumping over a puddle that’s formed near the front step. She’s wearing a Hastings shirt, her black hair pulled back in a low ponytail. “Rae,” she says, smiling at me as she unlocks the front door. “The boys aren’t here. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” I say, following her in. “It’s just, our washing machine broke, and I was wondering if I could wash a few clothes? I’m so sorry to bother you, but we only have the one car, and Lee can’t drive with his casts on, so we can’t go to a laundromat…”
“Of course, of course,” she says. “You don’t even have to ask, chica. You come over any time you need.Venga, I’ll show you where it is.”
After the clothes are loaded, I stare down at my muddy shoes, curling my toes inside. “Thank you so much,” I say. “I don’t want to ask for more, but, like… Would it be weird if I took a shower here? Just while my clothes are washing, so I don’t have to sit here and do nothing until they’re done. I mean, it’s not a big deal, I can wait until I get home…”
“Rae,” she says, taking my hand. When I meet her gaze, I see such sympathy that tears spring to my eyes. “Go right ahead. Any time you need. And you know we’re right here if you need anything else. Our house may not be big and fancy like yours, but we have everything you need inside.”
She squeezes my hand before letting go. I turn and flee, ashamed of my tears, my neediness. I curse myself for asking. Of course that’s weird. Of course she knows something’s going on. But even though it’s cold so I’m not a gross, sweaty mess, a week without a shower is way too long. I don’t even know what I’m going to do when I get my period. I’m going to have to shower in the locker room, and that will be a whole other nightmare. I was too embarrassed to do it this week, but this may be even worse.
Still, I don’t have to worry about people staring and giggling and whispering while I shower here. The water is warm and heavenly. I’ve never been so relieved in my life. I scrub every inch of myself clean, borrow one of the twins’ razors, and shave my legs and armpits. After a moment’s hesitation, I turn my back to the warm spray and slather some shaving cream along the creases of my legs and onto my thighs, shaving the edges of my pubes until I’m neatly trimmed.
I know I shouldn’t be using the guys’ razor for this, but this will save me at least a bit of humiliation when I have to shower in the locker room at school. As I shave inwards a bit, I can’t help the thoughts that creep into my mind. One of the guys has had this razor on his face. One of them will shave his face with this again, after it’s shaved me down there.
A naughty little thrill runs through me, and tingles of excitement bloom between my legs.
I shave a neat landing strip, then rinse out the razor. I don’t want to get out yet, don’t want the precious shower to be over. I make sure there’s no hair left in the tub, then run my fingers along the newly bare skin. My clit throbs, and I sink back against the wall of the shower, closing my eyes and letting my head fall back, the warm water sluicing down my body, over my breasts. My nipples harden at the attention, and I slip my finger inwards, between my lips and into my slit.
Valeria said they have everything I need in their house. God, she’s so right.