Sighing, I briefly closed my eyes as I thought about what my son said. Hell, I didn’t want her to leave either, but she was fighting me on it every step of the way. Each time she brought up that our time was limited, I tried my best to shut that shit down. Did I use my touch, my lips, and my dick to distract her and refocus her on me and what we had together? I sure as hell did. I was a man determined to keep my woman, even if I had to play dirty.
“We can’t make her stay if she doesn’t want to.” Yeah, I may say that to my son, but I wasn’t on that ‘let her go’ bullshit. For whatever reason, the universe brought her into my life, and I was keeping this gift.
“You can make her stay, Dad. Convince her how much you like her and that she belongs with us.”
“I’m working on it, son. I’m working on it.” Starting the truck, I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way back home. Back to the ranch that I loved. Back to the woman who’d captured my heart from the moment she walked into my life.
“Dad, I have a question.”
Plastering a smile on my face, I looked at him through the rearview mirror. “Okay. Go ahead and ask.”
“Do you think mom would be mad at me because I want Tamara to stay with us and be my new mom?”
My heart stopped for a second as Sammy spoke his question. His voice was low and unsure. I worried that he’d been struggling with this question for a while. Pulling over to the side of the road, I turned off the truck. “Hey, Sammy? Look at me, buddy.” When my son looked up at me, I saw tears in his eyes. It almost broke me. Stepping out of the truck, I went to the back of the vehicle and climbed inside so I could sit next to him. “Sammy, why do you think your mom would be upset with you?”
He sniffled and looked up at me with blue eyes that looked just like mine. I still couldn’t believe Janet and I had made such a perfect little human. My life hadn’t always been lived righteously. I’d done things that others might find questionable. But to my son, I was just his dad. Honestly, that was the only thing that mattered to me.
“Mom might not want me to have another mom since she’s not here with us.”
“Oh, buddy,” I sighed, leaning my head back a little before capturing his gaze. How to explain this to him? My biggest fear was messing him up and not doing right by him. I tried my best, but I knew I didn’t always get it right. But when it came to his mom, I knew I could find the right words. “Sammy, your mom was an amazing woman. When she had you, it was the proudest moment of her life and mine. You’re a part of both of us. Our hearts grew bigger than ever because having you as our son made us happier than we ever thought we could be. You know your mother never wanted to leave you, right?”
Sammy nodded, wiping his eyes with his little hands. “I know.”
“You should also know that your mom’s biggest wish would be for you to have all the love and care from as many people as possible. I know she’d want you to be happy. Your mom loved you more than life itself. It would never upset her if you loved someone else. She’ll always be your mommy. She’s still watching over you, even if she can’t physically be here with you.”
“Would mommy want you to be happy, too?”
I had to give that some thought. I’d like to think she would. My love for her was still there, but Janet was no longer here with us. I’m sure if she were still alive, we’d have grown together, become stronger as a couple and as a family. But she wasn’t here.
Just thinking about those words caused a dull ache in my heart. I rubbed my hand against my chest as I waited for the pain to come, as it usually did. But this time, it didn’t hurt as much. The thought of losing her didn’t stop me in my tracks as it had so many times before. Instead, I looked over at Sammy and smiled. “I’d like to think so. Your mom was one of the most caring people I knew, and I know she’d tell me to be happy, even if it was without her.”
“I think mommy would like Tamara. I hear Tamara talking to her sometimes when she looks at mommy’s picture in the book room.”
Wait? What? “What do you mean, she talks to your mom?”
“I heard her the other day telling mommy about how big I was and how smart I was and that she’d be proud of me.” A smile covered Sammy’s face as he relayed that little nugget of information.
I was shocked. Words escaped me.
“Is it okay that she talks to mommy?” The smile left his face, and he looked worried.
“Yes. Yes, absolutely! I’m sure your mom likes to get updates on how her little boy is doing. I bet she really likes that Tamara does that.” To be honest, so did it. It showed me that Tamara didn’t feel threatened by the memory of my late wife. She respected that even though Janet was no longer here, she was still Sammy’s mother.
This was even more proof that Tamara was meant for me. That all the women I’d met before weren’t right for me, but she was. Tamara knew it as well. Now I needed to find out why she still denied that our future together was destined.
“How about we head on home? Gladys and Tamara are making cheeseburgers today, and I’m hungry enough to eat a cow. Is that okay? Any more questions? You know you can ask me anything, right?”
“Thanks, Dad. I was just worried mommy would be upset if I loved Tamara, too, and wanted her to be my new mommy.”
“No, buddy. Your mom could never be upset with you. She knows how big your heart is and that you have room to love more people.” If only I could believe that for myself as well.