Tanner didn’t seem ready for the challenges being with her would bring. She thought he was but clearly, she’d been wrong. And that was okay.
It was time to move past her childhood love and grab onto something more. Plus, she had other things to worry about that were more important. Not one to use underhanded tactics to keep a man by her side, she kept her mouth shut about that. For now.
Shifting his position, Tanner grabbed her arms and lifted her upper body from his. His green gaze stared at her as she squirmed out of his reach. With the way she was feeling tonight, there was no way she could look him in the eyes and not break down in tears. Her heart shattered into a million pieces from the pain flowing through her.
“Chantell, stop. This isn’t necessary. This isn’t us,” he snapped.
“There is no us. Not anymore, right?” she snapped. As the hurt continued to swirl within her, the good feelings from their multiple rounds of lovemaking had vanished into thin air. The strain in her voice couldn’t be missed.
Chantell was done with this conversation. Attempting to lie down again, she wanted so badly to disengage from this conversation. “I’m tired, Tanner. I don’t want to deal with this tonight. It’s too late and we both have to get up early.”
“You’re tired?” he grunted. “When have you ever been tired when we’re together? Baby, don’t give me that.” She could feel his heated gaze on her, boring a hole in the back of her head.
He was right. Because their time with each other was so limited, when they were alone, they spent most of it making up for the hours and days they spent apart. Tired was not a word she used when with Tanner.
“I don’t want to fight,” her voice trembled as her eyes filled with tears.
Grabbing her bare shoulder, he pulled until she was again lying on her back. Adjusting his body until he was leaning over her, he stared at her face as she tried to avoid looking at him. God, this hurt so much. He’d been the focus of life for so long. If Tanner were somewhere, you could almost guarantee Chantell was right there with him. Neither of them could be apart from one another for long. She’d gone to Cabo San Lucas for her high school graduation gift and it was the worst ten days of her life. Why? Because Tanner hadn’t gone with her.
Their lives had been connected since she was six, and he seven. Almost twenty years later, everything they’d built was in jeopardy. Memories of their time together played in her mind like a movie reel. Her laughter at his corny jokes. His late-night calls to her to talk about nothing, both falling asleep on the phone. All-night study sessions in college that turned into sweaty, lust-filled sex marathons. His strong hugs and soft kisses when she had a difficult day at the hospital.
Looking at him as the moment of truth came closer, the look in his eyes seemed to show that this situation was also ripping him apart as. The pain reflected in his eyes was killing her, but there was nothing she could do about it. This was his doing. That fact didn’t change the outcome. They both had to pay the price.
Shame filled her soul as her thoughts turned to all the ways she’d disregarded her principles to be with him. Pushed aside her morals and beliefs for his love. Sacrificed things she knew to be right, just for an extra night in his arms. Every time she visited her parents, she couldn’t hide from the disappointment in their eyes. Their only daughter. Their baby girl. The shameful black secret of the favored golden-haired son of the town’s mayor.
Four
Chantell
By the time Chantell understood that no one should be placed in this situation, too many years had passed. Her heart was irrevocably taken and locked behind a steel door, and only Tanner had the key. After eight years of being a couple in every sense of the word, her soul felt connected to his. To no longer be with him, no longer feel his body next to hers at night, caused a feeling of desperation to course through her veins.
His deep voice broke through the silence. “I know this isn’t what we expected. What we planned for,” he sighed. “I thought we would have been outta here by now. Living our life away from all this drama.”
Shaking her head, she was hurt that he could be so nonchalant about the whole thing. “Really? Not what we expected? Is that how you’re going to play this? That’s your reasoning for all of this?” Her voice had risen with each word.
“I’m not playing at anything. And don’t raise your voice to me.” His voice had taken on a hard tone.
Rolling her eyes, she pulled out of his arms and sat up. “That’s all you got from that, Tanner? For me not to yell at you?” Naked and sweaty, she grabbed the thin throw blanket sitting on the ottoman at the foot of the bed. The bed he’d bought when she was promoted to lead nurse at the local hospital. Every major event in her life featured Tanner by her side, and that pissed her off even more.
Taking a deep breath, she turned to him. “Yes, Tanner. Based on everything going on, yet you’re here in my bed again, we’re most definitely playing at something, right? This home, all the furniture, this bed. We seem to be playing house pretty well but without any of the true commitment. Did you think this could go on forever? Especially with who you are and how your father feels about you sleeping with the enemy. Did you think he’d wake up one day and welcome your black bed wench into the family with open arms?” Even if she wanted to pull those ugly words back, she wouldn’t. This frustration boiling up inside her had to be let out somehow. He needed to know how she was feeling. If he couldn’t deal with the truth, that was his issue.
“What the fuck, Chantell? Stop that shit right now,” his voice was harsh as he spat out the words.
She shrugged her shoulders to give the impression of not caring either way. But she did care… good Lord she cared so fucking much. As he began speaking again, this time in a much calmer tone, she looked over at him.
Tanner glared at her from his position on their bed. His green eyes were bright in the dimly lit room. “Baby, that’s not what I meant, and you know it. Everything I’ve done has been for us. Do you want me to leave and just let him think he won?”
“Twenty years, Tanner,” she whispered at him. “I’ve waited so fucking long for you to choose me. To show this entire town you don’t care what they think about who you love. You’ve been my entire world for as long as I can remember. The day I met you,” she smiled at the childhood memory, “you were the boy pulling on my pig-tails as we walked in the school hallway.” Pausing, she wrapped herself a bit tighter. In reality, she was getting her emotions under control.
“Chantell, you need to stop right now. This has gone far enough.” He’d jumped out of bed when she’d stopped to take a deep breath. Nervousness showed on his face. Good. It was time he understood what it was like to feel uncertain about things once taken for granted.
Tilting her head, she gave him a long look. Nothing could have prepared her for this night, but she had to draw the line somewhere. She deserved better than what Tanner was giving her. He’d sworn to protect her, to love her, until his last breath. From where she stood, it looked like he was still breathing. Yet, she felt abandoned and alone. Which just made him a liar and not deserving of her devotion.
Her head dropped as she tried to build up the nerve to do what had to be done. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“No, I sure as hell don’t.”
She could see his anger rising as he paced. He hadn’t put on any clothes once he climbed out of bed, so he was standing there in all his naked glory. At any other time, she’d be making her way over to him so they could climb back in bed and make love until the sun came up. Not tonight. She had a feeling their night was about to end quite differently than either of them had anticipated when she opened the door to him earlier.