“Now!” He slams another door and makes Abigail growl. “Today. We’re heading out today. Kane can’t come, he can’t leave Jess and the babies. And Eric can’t leave his kid, since he’s heading into surgery. We’ll grab the others and drag them along. Soph is with me, and she’s got her Romeo on stand-by.”
I hate the way my heart aches when I glance down to Abigail. For the first time in my life, I hesitate to go where ordered. I flinch at the thought of helping a brother at the cost of a girl.
“Is it recon or exterminate?”
“Recon for now. We wanna know who he is, but he hasn’t actually threatened us yet. He’s following us, he wants us to know he’s near, but an admirer isn’t a death threat until it is. We’re going to flip the script and get a look at him too. He knows what we look like, but we have no clue who he is yet. Soph’s working it on her end, tracking his internet or some shit. She might get a hit, I dunno. But while we wait, we’re hitting the road and getting closer.”
“If he knows what you and Kane look like, shouldn’t you maybe stay home? Send me, Soph, and the muscle. We can get closer, and you can stay with Bish.”
“Ha!” he barks. “Not happening. I wanna keep Kane in my pocket. You know there ain’t another man on this planet I love like I love my brother, but there’s no chance in hell I’m letting Soph go without me. No way.”
My eyes drop back to Abigail’s. She can hear everything we say, she knows that I’ve just been given orders to head out, so her insecurities give her away long before the moisture in her eyes.
“Alright. I need to tie some stuff up on my end, but I’ll meet you at Kane’s at noon.”
“Noon? Motherfucker, that’s hours away. We’re not going on vacation here.”
“Noon,” I press. “Not a minute earlier. I have stuff to take care of here.”
“Soph will be watching her,” Jay whispers. “You have my word. We’re meeting the danger head-on, so you don’t have to worry about your florist.”
“Noon.” I hang up before he can say anything else.
I’m not worried about Abigail’s safety, but the fear in her eyes guts me. I’m worried about her heart more than anything else. Her feelings. Her love.
“Umm…”
“Was this an elaborate plan?” she whispers. “Like an emergency phone call to get you out of a bad date? You got everything I had, so now that it’s time for me to go, your friends call you away on a ‘secret mission’?” Her eyes swim. “You’ll pretend to leave, but you’ll actually be at your friend’s house, laughing and waiting for me to take a hint, then you’ll sneak back in a couple hours.”
“Absolutely not.” I pull her back when she tries to dash away. “Abigail, no. You know that’s not true.”
“But you admit you don’t do relationships. You don’t do connections. You don’t do virgins or feelings or people sleeping in your bed all night. I finally give in and do…it…” She stutters. “We had sex, and I told you I loved you. I showed you my chest,” she cries. “And now you’re beingcalled away.”
“You’re feeling vulnerable right now.” I hold her so tight, I’m certain she can’t breathe. But if I let go even a little, she’s going to run. “You’re allowed to feel vulnerable; you’re allowed to feel whatever the fuck you want. But you don’t have to feel insecure about me. I’m not running from you, okay?” I press a firm kiss to her lips that she doesn’t reciprocate. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m stuck, Abigail.” I press another, softer kiss to her lips. “I’m stuck on you, and I don’t ever want to stop feeling this. I have to go away for work today. This is my life. This won’t be the last time I’m called away, but I promise I’ll be back. I just need to take care of stuff, and then I’ll be back. I said you were my girl, right? I said this is different.”
“If you don’t want this, please just say so.” She brings a hand up and angrily swipes her dry cheek. “I won’t be weird about it. I won’t come by your home and pretend I was in the neighborhood. I’ll walk away, I promise. But I need you to say you want me to go.”
“Idon’twant you to go.” I turn toward her, pulling my chest out from beneath her face, and moving lower in the bed so we lay on the same pillow and our noses almost touch. “Listen to me, okay?” I press a hand to her hip and hold her down. “I’m not trying to escape. I’m not trying to run away. Work is work, and this is the first time I’ve evernotjumped out of bed and run to where I have to go. You make me wanna stay, Abigail. But I can’t. Any other time, any other mission, I could say I had to stay here with you. But Kane is with Jess, and Eric is with Kat, and their kid is going back into the hospital for a bit. It wouldn’t be fair to not step up. These guys are my brothers. They’re family. So if I can protect them, if I can step in front of them, then that’s what I’ll do. Telling them I wanna stay home with my girl and explore this new thing we have just isn’t reason enough to risk their lives.” I take her chin in my hand and draw her eyes up. “But I really don’t want you to fall in love with some other prick while I’m gone. I won’t be okay with that.”
“I’m not gonna fall in love with someone else.” Her eyes continue to sparkle with uncertainty, but her smile slowly begins to creep up. “I won’t get mad if you change your mind. If you go away and remember you don’t like clingers or whatever, you just have to say so.”
I pull her toward me so fast that she slides along the sheets and squeals as her legs tangle with mine. She wears panties and one of my tanks. Her hair is a bird nest mess, her lips swollen, and her eyes continue to sparkle.
“You love me?” I ask. “The for real love, where you’d be sad if I never came home?”
And there’s that tear. It breaks through her lashes and falls when she gives a single nod.
I lean in and collect the moisture with my lips. “I don’t know the type of love you need, Abigail. I don’t know if I was built for that sort of life. I don’t know if I can be what you need in a man for the long haul. I can fuck you until you’re raw and make you feel all sorts of good shit in bed, but outside of it, I’m a… well…” I nervously chuckle. “I’m a virgin. So be gentle with me. Be patient. Guide me.”
I slide the tip of my finger over her hipbone and lean in for a much better, slower, deeper kiss than the fast smacks we’ve shared since she woke.
“I can teach you things about your body. And in exchange, you can teach me things about love. It’s something I’d like to do… with you.”
Her lips quiver. “Really?”
“Really. Don’t change, Abigail. Never ever change. If you feel what I feel, then I hope you’ll wait for me to come back. I’m not going for months at a time. This is a war, but I’m not being deployed anywhere, and I’m going because Iwantto. Because for as long as I can stand, I will run to the front line and protect my family. For as long as I can help, that’s what I’ll be doing.”
She hesitates, nibbling on her bottom lip in thought. “How long will you be gone?”