Chapter Five: Letting It Go
Smoke
Wheelz was the bar that the Rebel Saints used as their headquarters, and it was one of my favorite places on earth. It wasn’t really about the beer or liquor. It wasn’t the entertainment in the form of the occasional live band, pool tables, or dart boards. It was the people.
I considered the men in the Rebel Saints to be my brothers. They were a group of good men that I knew I could rely on, no matter what. They had my back when things got tough, just as I had theirs, but I also just enjoyed spending time with them. Nothing could help with the stress of having fatherhood thrust upon me like tossing back a few shots at Wheelz.
On a Monday afternoon, the place wasn’t exactly busy, but the Rebel Saints were there. At least, half of them were.
I had just gotten off work and automatically rode here without even thinking about it. It had become a habit now, going to the bar at the end of a long day, and Mondays almost always fit into that category. I worked on the demolition crew of a construction company, and the first thing we had to do on a new project, was to clear out the old crap, usually gutting it. And the beginning of the week was generally considered the best time to do that.
My arms were sore from swinging a sledgehammer, not that I’d ever directly complain about such a fun activity, and the heel of my left foot was aching. My plantar fasciitis was acting up again. It was a physically demanding job, and today I was feeling the effects.
I sat at the bar on a cushioned stool with Bones by my side. He’d just gotten back from his honeymoon at a resort in Cancun, and he had the golden-brown tan to prove it.
“So, how was the honeymoon?” I asked, wincing at the taste as I took a shot of Fireball.
“I can’t complain. Beautiful place, beautiful wife. What more could a man ask for?”
“I’ll drink to that.”
We each took another drink, slamming our shot glasses onto the top of the bar.
“So, how’s fatherhood treating ya?” Bones asked curiously.
“Oh god, I don’t even want to think about it,” I said, but then I kept talking, “I’m having a hell of a time, man. I just don’t know how to connect to the kid.”
“How old is he?”
“Eleven.”
Bones let out a low whistle. “That’s rough. At that age, they know what they like and they definitely know what they do not like.”
“Like motorcycles,” I offered.
“The kid doesn’t like bikes? That’s a damn shame. You’ll have to educate him.”
“I tried, but he couldn’t have been less interested.
“You’ll have to change his mind. Take him on a ride or something.”
“Yeah, maybe. I just keep thinking that things would be different if I’d known about him all along.”
“You can’t do that. You can’t focus on the past. It’s not going to help you now. Besides, you need to let go of your anger toward Naomi.”
I snorted. “Easier said than done.”
“You gotta think about the kid, Smoke. In all things. Think about what will have a negative impact and avoid it at all costs. That’s part of being a father.”
Bones had a teenage son from his first marriage and another little one on the way, so I knew he had a pretty good idea what he was talking about. As for that stuff about forgiveness of Naomi, I knew Bones had plenty of knowledge of that as well. He and his ex-wife used to fight like cats and dogs over everything, especially their son. They’d gotten much better at co-parenting in the last few months, and it was amazing to see the stress melt away from him. I used to always know when he’d talked to his ex because he’d walk around for the rest of the day in a shitty mood, with an angry vein sticking out on his forehead.
The door of the bar opened.
Bones glanced over his shoulder, a huge smile slipping onto his face when he saw who it was. His old lady and wife, Harper, approached, and Bones pulled her into his arms.
This drew a surprised gasp from her lips when he placed one hand on each of her hips and lifted her up onto his lap. She flung an arm around his shoulder to steady herself, and when she looked at Bones, she looked so deliriously happy.
I felt my own chest ache a little at the sight of it. What was it like to love someone that much?