Chapter Twenty: A Quick End
Bones
I love you.
Those words played on repeat in my head as I stared into Harper’s eyes. The captivating chocolate-colored orbs held onto mine even as I felt panic take hold.
She said she loved me.
This couldn’t be happening.
Slowly moving her off my lap, I stood, taking a few steps away from her while I tried to sort through my options. Things had been going so well between us. We were having fun, enjoying each other’s company. Why did it have to be more than that? Why did love have to even be mentioned?
I had told her I didn’t want that. Was I not clear?
I felt an overpowering sense of betrayal. She knew where I stood on this. I turned back around to look at her.
She stood next to the chair, biting her lip as she stared at me while twisting the belt of her robe in her hands anxiously. “Say something,” she said.
I could already hear the sadness in her voice. I wasn’t reacting the way she wanted me too. But whose fault was that? “I don’t know what to say,” I responded honestly. “What do you expect me to say to that?”
She didn’t respond immediately, but I could see the answer in her eyes. She wanted me to proclaim my love as well.
“I told you that I didn’t believe in romantic love anymore, that I didn’t want anything serious between us. I think I was very upfront with you about that, wasn’t I?”
“Yes, but … I don’t know. I guess I thought maybe you’d change your mind?”
I could see the hope she had for such a thing, and I felt like an asshole as I shook my head no, trying not to lash out at her too much. But I could feel the familiar rise of my temper, the one that had made my ex-wife so miserable that she cheated with the first man that came along, ruining our marriage. Ruining me.
Nope. Not again.
“I didn’t change my mind,” I told her firmly. “And frankly, I think it’s a little unfair of you to put me in this position. This was supposed to be casual.”
“You’d rather that I didn’t tell you that I had fallen in love with you?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
Her small show of anger made me feel a little better and compelled me to continue to be honest. “I’d rather you didn’t fall in love at all. That was the deal.”
“You can’t help how you feel.”
“I can,” I said, “and I was just looking for a good time. Now that’s over.”
It sucked that it was ending like this, right after we finally slept together, but I couldn’t keep seeing her if she had strong feelings for me. I refused to even consider that it was really love. That emotion was something that could be felt for family and pets, maybe friends to a certain level. But all-encompassing, romantic love? That was just intense attraction and lust. Those things never lasted.
“I think you’re afraid.” Harper lifted her chin and straightened her spine.
I recognized the stature of someone trying to appear strong. But I could see tears swimming in her eyes. There was a hurt there she couldn’t quite hide.
I felt guilty for putting it there, but that was quickly followed by anger at her for making me feel like the bad guy here. “I’m outta here,” I said, heading for the door. “It’s been fun.”
I didn’t look back as I walked out, closing the door behind me harder than I had intended. As I went to my bike, the sense of loss washed over me and it was staggering, but I didn’t stop. It was best to make this a clean break; and better that it happened now, instead of later, when her feelings might have gotten stronger.
“Okay, time for new business,” I said, pausing to take a sip from a glass of scotch. I was trying to forget about Harper, but even the strong stuff wasn’t doing it. It was making this club meeting seem like it was lasting forever. “Anyone have anything?”
“I do,” Gunner said, from the other end of the long conference table. “I found out this morning that the DEA performed a raid last night on the Devil Riders bike repair shop.”
No one spoke in response to this news, but there was some shifting in chairs and leaning forward. Everyone wanted to know the details. We’d been waiting to hear this news since I talked to John two days ago. I thought it would take longer, but he must have been telling the truth when he claimed to have a connection in the DEA.
“Turns out that eight club members were there, and they were all arrested. When the DEA stormed the building they found coke, weed, and two machine guns out in the open.”