He looks devastating in a tight black tee that clings to every muscle and makes my mouth water, and I forget why I wanted to be alone whilst we dance together, our bodies moving like water over rocks. The song is perfect for us, the lyrics resonating in my soul. We’ve found peace in each other, and I love all my Knights fiercely, their violence calling to me and surrounding me in comforting protection.
Letting go of Loki’s hair, I reach up and grab Jax by his luscious locks, messing his man bun up as I pull his face to mine and kiss him with all the desperation I feel in my soul. I tell him with every stroke that I’m sorry I ran, that I’m tired of staying silent about what happened, and beg him to show me the way out of this darkness that I’ve fallen into.
We break apart gasping, the lights from the club painting his face in changing shades of blue and purple. Before I can utter a word, Loki spins me around, planting his plump lips on my still tingling ones, my eyes closing on instinct. His kiss brings tears to my eyes, it’s crushing softness gut-wrenching. He shatters me with his forgiveness, with his understanding as his palms reverently cup my face, and he pulls back, pressing his forehead to mine, my eyes still closed.
“Ash is pissed, beautiful,” he murmurs, his breath tickling my face.
I heave a dejected sigh.
“Take me to your leader then,” I reply, a wobbly giggle leaving my lips when Loki chuffs out a laugh at my terrible joke.
With a final kiss pressed to my lips, he takes my hand, Jax grasping my other as we thread through the still dancing crowd, Jax making sure I have enough room, to the bar where Ash, Kai, and the twins stand. I flinch under Ash’s intense scrutiny, unable to hold his stare, so I find Kai’s, feeling that sticky guilt when I see that his brow is furrowed deeply.
As soon as we get there, Ash grabs my wrist and drags me away towards the front doors, ignoring my protests like the jizzmuffin that he is.
“Ash! You’re fucking hurting me!” I shout as we leave the club, the relative quiet of the night outside jarring after the pounding music of the club. He lets go, and I rub my wrist which aches with the remnants of his tight grip. He spins around, his eyes wild, and I brace myself, my legs widening in a defensive stance, ready for the verbal lashing that I know is coming.
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” he shouts, stepping close to me, using his height to try and intimidate me. “You can’t just fucking disappear like that! We had no idea where you were, Lilly!”
“I left you a note,” I reply petulantly, craning my neck to look up at him with a glare, not showing him that my heart is racing a mile a minute.
“A note!” He throws his hands up, a cruel look taking over his features. “Forgive me for worrying,Princess,” he sneers, and the barb cuts deeply, his use of my nickname spoken like a curse. “After all, you left a note with no fucking information on it, so I must be some kind of cunt for not getting that you couldn’t stand being with us. That you wanted to run after we’d only just got you back.”
His voice cracks with the last of his words, and tears rush to my eyes at the unwitting hurt I caused him, caused them all, by pushing them away, emotionally at least. I lick my suddenly dry lips.
“I would wake up with bruises on my hips, my breasts, and have no fucking idea how they got there,” I confess, the wetness spilling over and tracking down my cheeks as my voice grows thick. “He hurt me in ways that I’ll never know, never remember, and every time I close my fucking eyes, I can feel him getting into bed with me that night, and I’m frozen under his grasping hands. I feel his breath on my neck, and his–his dick pressed up against me. I’m drowning, Ash, and I don’t know how to swim to the surface.”
“Shit, Lilly,” he rasps, his own eyes filling as he stares into mine. He pulls me to him, enveloping me in his strength, in his familiar, ginger scent that helps to calm my racing heart. “I’ll bring you to the surface, my love. Or drown with you. But you are not alone. You don’t need to fight this by yourself.”
I break down, letting all the dark rage and anger out as I sob into his chest, my fingers fisting his shirt until they tingle. Under the London night sky, I shed every tear that I’ve been holding in, every drop of misery that I’ve kept bottled up inside me ever since I woke up in that room all those weeks ago.
Ash holds me tightly to him the entire time, lending me his unwavering strength and wordless comfort as I shatter into pieces in his arms.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
LILLY
Imake my way downstairs the next morning, after having slept in the bed with Ash and Loki, sleeping the rest of the night away in blissful slumber for the first time since they rescued me. I’ve no doubt that nightmares will still plague me, but I feel so much lighter confessing my struggles to the guys.
“Good morning, darling,” Kai greets me as I approach the kitchen area. I can see, and smell, that he’s in the middle of cooking something delicious for breakfast, a spatula in his hands as he turns to face me, wearing sexy as fuck navy sweats and a tight, white T-shirt.Wickedby Miki Ratsula plays in the background as Kai moves his hips to the sultry beat.
Without skipping a beat, I throw myself into his arms, the utensil clattering to the floor as his own come around me in a crushing hug.
“Kai, I—” I begin, my voice cracking as I remember the hurt in his eyes at the club.
“It’s okay, darling,” he shushes me, pulling me even closer as he places a kiss on the top of my head.
“No, Kai, it’s not okay,” I tell him, my voice firm as I pull back so that I can stare up into his eyes, my face reflected slightly in his glasses. “I’m so fucking sorry, my love. I was a first-class arsehole last night and should have just talked to you guys instead of running away.”
He stares into my eyes, his face soft and his own full of so much love and understanding that they’re practically shining.
“Apology accepted,” he says, then his lips tilt up into a very Loki-like grin. “And yes, it was anassholething to do.” He emphasises the word, pointing out that we say it differently, with a waggle of his eyebrows.
“Cockwomble,” I grumble with no heat behind it, leaning in to press a kiss to his soft lips.
He groans in the back of his throat, one of his hands coming up to angle my face so that he can kiss me deeper, his tongue plundering my mouth. I whimper, letting him ravish me and feeling exactly like one of those fucking fairytale princesses, my foot wanting to pop just like inPrincess Diaries. An acrid, burning smell tickles my nostrils, and I pull back, Kai chasing my lips before his nose twitches.
“Shit!” he exclaims, letting me go as he turns to the hob and pulls the pan off the heat, the remains of a charred, black pancake smoking inside it.