It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, which also happens to be Loki’s birthday—I know, irony knows no bounds—and I’m walking down the hall with Willow, heading to our yoga class. She’s chattering away about some guy she’s interested in, and I’m trying to listen, I really am, but sickness swirls in my stomach, making it hard to concentrate. It was so bad this morning that I couldn’t face breakfast.
“Lilly?” Willow’s sweet voice penetrates my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
I turn to face her, concern in her blue eyes as she takes me in. I’m obviously looking like shit, my face was especially pale in the mirror this morning as I was getting ready for the day.
“I’m just feeling a bit queasy. I have been since dinner at Ash’s parents.”
She, like everyone, knows about mine and Ash’s engagement. However, unlike everyone else, she knows that it was forced by his parents. I gave her some bullshit about them finding out about us being together, so being kind of old-fashioned they expedited things and forced the proposal. I don’t think she believed me, but being the beautiful human that she is, she didn’t question it.
She doesn’t know about the death threats, my standing in Black Knight Corp., or what the guys do. I’m almost certain that she suspects something is up, not wholly believing my excuses for not being over the moon about being engaged to Ash. And given her background, and her brother’s involvement in running The Shadows—a notorious postcode gang in West London that even I’ve heard of—I think she would get it and not be surprised. She’s not gone into details, as I haven’t with her, but she’s seen the darkness that lives in this world. Experienced it firsthand. It’s in the haunted look in her blue eyes, and the slight tremble in her hands when she recalls vague stories from the past.
“Lilly, now, don’t get pissed, but you’ve been feeling sick so much recently. Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” she asks, looking at me sideways as we continue to walk.
I stop dead in my tracks, as does she, a sinking niggle in my stomach.
“I can’t be. I mean, there was a mess-up at Christmas, but I took the morning after pill a few days later…” I trail off, remembering what Kai had said about how it loses its effectiveness the longer you leave it.
“So there is a possibility?” she hedges, turning to face me full-on, lowering her voice as she quickly glances around. “When was your last period?”
My eyes flitter side to side as I try to recall the last time Aunty Flo came to visit.
“I–I don’t think I’ve had one since before Christmas,” I tell her, latching onto blue eyes full of sympathy.
“I’m popping into town later, so I’ll grab you a test. Then you’ll know for sure either way.” She reaches out, taking my suddenly cold hand in hers and giving it a squeeze.
I nod in thanks, swallowing thickly as we continue walking down the hallway.
Shit, what if it’s positive? What will I do then? Fuck!
Thoughts tumble in my mind until I feel queasier than ever, swallowing down bile as we approach a group of students standing around outside of the gym building. My eyes roll as I hear Amber Cuntmuffin’s nasally voice.
“I think a June wedding would be perfect, don't you?”
I huff a laugh under my breath, pitying the poor fool who’ll be shackled to her for the rest of his life. However, as we go past, I stop dead in my tracks for the second time this morning when I catch sight of who’s standing next to a beaming Amber, his face bereft of its usual flirty smiles.
“Loki?” I ask, my whole body flashing cold when I meet anguish ridden emerald eyes.
“L–Lilly…” he starts, taking a step forward, but is cut off by cuntface magee herself, who grabs his arm, the crowd before her parting as she drags him towards me.
“Oh, haven’t you heard?” she asks, a smug as fuck smile on her face as she holds out her left hand. “Loki and I are engaged.”
My whole world shatters, fine tremors wracking my body as I gawp at the garish bauble in the February sunshine.
“Loki?” I ask again, swallowing the lump in my throat, looking up at him. “What’s going on?”
His eyes burn with jade fire, but it’s soon replaced with a devastating sadness that seeps into my very bones, chilling my soul. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, his lips moving, but no sound escapes as we stand in awkward silence.
“Aren’t you going to congratulate us?” Amber asks, her voice penetrating the haze that’s descended over me.
Anger, the likes of which I have never felt before rushes over me in a tidal wave, followed by an intense sickness that rises from my stomach, refusing to be ignored any longer. Without saying a single word, I spin and flee, just making it to the edge of the forest before tossing my bag aside, and falling to my knees, vomiting at the base of a tree.
“Shit! Lilly!” Loki cries and I hear footsteps approaching behind me. A hand alights on my back, rubbing soothing circles. “Fuck, Lilly, I’m so sorry. I should have told you sooner. I was a fucking coward. I have no choice about this, but I shouldn’t have let you find out this way.”
I finish heaving, acid stinging my throat as I spit on the ground once more.
“Water,” I croak out.
Seconds later, a water bottle is pressed into my hand, and I gratefully swill my mouth out, before taking a tentative sip, then another. A tissue is passed to me, too, which I use to wipe my mouth.