“You don’t understand. Your father was a coward. He wasn’t protecting you either. You were just left out in the cold. Clueless, defenseless. But you were meant for more. And the only way to be more, is if I help you.”
I shake my head, more confused than I was when he started talking.
“Evan… Panda. P. None of this makes any sense. What do you mean more? And why am I tied up? I thought we were friends.” I can’t work out if I’m more angry or hurt right now.
He was supposed to be my friend.
He glares at me briefly then softens again, running a finger down my cheek.
“That's exactly why you’re here. I need to deprogram you. They all made you believe their lies. I’m going to make everything better. Then you’ll realize the truth. They infected you. Messed with your mind. It’s the only reason why you’d let them do to you what they did; the only reason you’d forgive them. But I knew… when I saw you had forgiven them, I knew you’d forgive me too.” He pauses and steps back, tilting his head as he looks at me. “You’ll forgive me right, little dove? All I ever wanted to do was protect you. I saved you before, and that's all I’m doing now. Protecting you, mending your broken wings.”
“The only one trying to break me is you,” I hiss. This is such utter bullshit. “I will never forgive you, and I will never let you win. You can’t keep me locked up here forever.”
His smile turns into a glare and he stomps back toward me, moving so close his lips practically whisper against my skin. “You have no idea what I can do.”
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, because I think the only way I’m going to get myself out of this shit is if I play along with him. I’m not sure what happened to him. When did he stop being the guy I trusted and become this monster? Or has this always been him and I just didn’t see it?
“My head is still a bit fuzzy, P,” I say, forcing a smile on my face, wincing as my head pounds at the movement. “I just want to understand what you’re protecting me from.”
“The Knights,” he hisses. “Don’t you understand? No one else is trying to protect you, they’re just preparing you to take over where your dad left off. It’s all just a show, to lull you into a false sense of security.”
“I want to believe you, P. But it's kind of hard to trust you when you have me tied up like this.”
He frowns at me, then shakes his head as he mutters to himself. “You have to stay tied up for now. It’s the only way. I’m doing this for you.”
“P, are you okay?” He seems like he’s lost his goddamn mind and when he looks at me, he almost looks like a lost little boy. “Maybe if you untie me, we can talk this all out?”
“I am not untying you! Stop trying to trick me!” he yells, and I startle. He starts to pace back and forth in front of me, tugging on his hair. Fear floods me, I’ve never seen him like this. “You’re still under their influence. We need to break you free of it first.”
I bite my lip, sad for my friend, because something is very obviously wrong with him. I can’t help but wonder if this is because of his initiation, or if something else happened after I left the tour. He wasn’t like this before. He was chill and stable, funny even. He was someone I could depend on, but the guy in front of me right now is a world away from the P I used to chill with.
I rack my mind, trying to think back to the Midnight Blue gig I took Indi to. He seemed okay then, just like the old P… had the flowers started arriving by then? Or was that trip what started his spiral?
He was quiet at Thanksgiving, sure, and I know he spoke to the guys, but he wasn’t like this.
“What happened, P?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even and steady. I am very much at a disadvantage right now, but I don’t think he wants to hurt me. Maybe if I can reach the guy I used to know, this won’t end in tears. Or worse.
He looks at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath and hope to fuck I can reach him. “I mean, what happened after I left the tour? Why did you think you needed to protect me?”
“I knew what would happen when you went back… I knew it. But I had to stay on tour. It was where they wanted me, and I didn’t hate it. Then you came back, but we were there—at that venue—and I saw what it did to you. I knew I’d been right, that I was the only one that could protect you. I just need to put the final pieces in place. I think you should sleep some more.”
He grabs a syringe and a knife from the metal table beside me, and fear spikes in my heart. “No, P. Please. I don’t need to sleep.”
I try to move, to get free of my binding, but the thick leather buckles don’t move. He puts the knife against my throat to stop me from moving before using the drip already in my arm to administer whatever the fuck it is he’s giving me, and the world spins.
“Sleep for now, V. We’ll talk more when you wake up. Maybe then you’ll be ready.”
Please, someone, find me.
* * *
I wake up, my head pounding again, except this time there’s no blindfold. Just darkness. I stay quiet, attempting to even my breathing despite my heart beating out of my chest. I can’t hear anything but the rushing of my blood in my ears.
Trying to calm myself takes longer than I’d like, though that could be the brain fog.
I still can’t believe it’s him.