“Sorry, I should have asked before kissing you. Not everyone is into—” I bring his lips back to mine to shut him up because I don’t care. I don’t want to think about anything else but him and me. And when we’re like this, I can pretend I have nothing to lose, nothing to hide.
Nerves run through me as he kisses down my neck, and I realize he’s still very hard. I feel a slight shake in my core as he brings his lips to mine again.
“Are you ready?” He trails a hand down my waist, and I feel the chills replacing any hesitation with longing and burning desire for him.
“Yes.” I nod, and he presses his warm forehead to mine.
“Okay,” he whispers before gently kissing me. “But if this hurts, if you want me to stop—”
“I’ll tell you.” I nod and kiss him again, and he raises his thigh to my wet arousal as we continue to kiss.
“Should I wear a condom?” He quickly asks like he’s silly for forgetting to ask.
“Uhm.” I swallow because this is a conversation I feared having. I didn’t want to ever bring it up with anyone because I’ve already resided on being alone. It shouldn’t affect anyone else, especially when I’m perfectly fine with it. “Tito.” I feel those nerves returning, and I begin to shake a bit. He can tell now, can feel me under him.
“Hey, it’s me,” he whispers, taking my chin between his fingers, looking deeply into my eyes with his evergreen ones.
“I—” I swallow the dry patch in my throat, but it won’t go away. “I can’t have children.” He tenses his brows, and I get ready for all of his future dreams of being a father to catch up to him, making him turn on me. My body is beginning to shake even more, and all he does is kiss me. He kisses my nose, forehead, cheeks, chin, then lips.
“You’re not mad?” I gently push his cheek with my hand as I scrunch my nose at his confusing reaction.
“How could I be mad?”
“Because I thought—”
“I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“You want me?” I study the confusion in his eyes.
“Of course I do.”
“But, not ever having kids is your only option if you stay with me….” Why am I talking so definitively like this? It’s just one night with someone I’ve wanted to take my virginity since… Well, I don’t know when it started. When I wanted him this badly. It feels like it was slow at first, then came all at once. Now I’m at the mercy of my desire for him; I think we’re both this for each other.
“Hey, I’m here with you now. I don’t know what’s gonna happen down the road, but I don’t care if I can’t have kids. I have like a fuck-ton of siblings if you haven’t noticed.” He lightly chuckles. “All of them want babies; some of them already have them.”
“So…”
“So, I like being an uncle. But I like being with you even more. I don’t care about anything else.”
I feel tears well in my eyes at that. Even if this doesn’t last, because how can it? Every nightmare I’ve ever had about not being able to be loved by someone because of something I can’t control is gone. A weight lifted completely off me. He kisses my lips softly, and I hold on to him, trail my fingers down his muscular back, and get lost in his touches because that is what I want. I want him, need him, think I might be betraying every rational thought just to be with him.
This is the type of stuff they put in movies, write songs about, and poems that break your heart and put it back together in the end. It’s like I have this feeling that I can’t pinpoint. It lingers between us, connects us at a soul-level, and I want to keep it, whatever it is, at all costs. Even if the cost is my sanity.
Shit, I’m in way over my head now. If even logic and reason can’t get me out of doing something, I probably shouldn’t. But his touches tell me not to worry. That it will all be okay, and this is meant for me. He’s meant for me. Whatever that means after this, I don’t know, but for the next hour, it means I need him to breathe.
Just as he’s kissing down my neck, he swings his leg over me, knees on either side of my hips as his tip presses to my opening that's eager for him. He lifts his head slightly to see my eyes just before pressing further. His eyes ask me if I’m okay, and I gently nod.
He presses his hands on either side of my head and slowly pushes his hard length into me. I feel him moving past the opening, feel the slow push into me, spreading me open more than I knew I could go. I accidentally dig my nails into his back as I hold on, feeling slight pain.
“You want me to stop?” He quickly asks, stopping until I tell him what to do. I take a deep breath and feel myself relax a bit more as I exhale, and he slightly pushes forward. This time I feel my opening give way to him, and my nerve endings rise with a pleasure that almost takes me off guard. I let out a soft moan just as he does, and I hold him tight as he presses all the way in. This time he pulls out a little faster, but still slow. I feel the contraction of pleasure in the walls of my sheath, and I gasp as he plunges to the back of me. Our breathing picks up as his lips connect to mine, and with the next thrust, I bring my hips to his.
He moans into my mouth, and our bodies sync in a rhythm that matches perfectly as we rise and fall into each other. Pleasure overtakes us both. I can feel it in the way he grips the sheets, breathes into my skin, and moans into my ear. In the deepest parts of me, there is a pleasure waking up that has been dormant, a pleasure that can only be satisfied by this connection Tito and I share.
It’s better, more robust, and deeper than any other feeling of satisfaction and longing I’ve ever had. We speed up our pace, and it feels incredible now, his long hard length thrusting in and out of my eager sheath, fully pleased for him. I moan a little louder as he kisses down my neck, speeding up his thrusts to an even quicker speed. My hips meet his as we collide, over and over, until we are lost in over another. Our hands find places to explore, causing me to lose my breath as Tito picks up the pace even faster.
A higher moan finds its way out into the air between us, and he grins into a kiss that makes my stomach flutter. His abs pressed to mine, keeping all the feelings inside me safe and sound. The faster Tito goes, the more I’m positive I’m losing any sense of what’s real. All I know is that it’s us. We’re together somewhere, our bodies completely enveloped by a passion so grand it might create new stars, and I want it with me always.
Then I’m breathing so quickly that I lose sight of everything, and I’m carried to the highest peak of passion. My toes dig into the sheets, back arches as I throw my head back uncontrollably, letting these waves take me. I feel Tito’s hot release into me as he continues to thrust, slowing down as the euphoria turns to deep satisfaction. The afterglow of such an experience keeps us stuck to each other, skin sticky with our efforts to make it this far.