“Listen up, Elli,” I told myself sternly. “Nobody back home is going to come for you, so you have to get yourself out of this mess!”
But how? I couldn’t even find the bathroom—let alone get myself back to Earth!
I was walking along the perimeter of the room as I thought this. There was a giant chair in one corner upholstered in the same sleek sliver material as the coverlet on the bed. Its seat came up to my waist and I estimated I could crawl onto it if I didn’t mind leaving my dignity behind. But it was clearlynota toilet, which was what I urgently needed.
Further along the wall I finally found what I was looking for. I was trailing my fingers along the wall so I didn’t get lost in the blue gloom, when I found that I was no longer feeling metal but instead some kind of fabric or cloth.
It turned out to be a kind of curtain which was the same color as the walls. After pushing what felt like yards and yards of fabric out of the way, I found myself in another room—a much smaller one.
The lights came on automatically as soon as I entered, nearly blinding me with their brilliance. I squinted uncertainly, looking around at the bright, white walls and the huge appliances.
The first appliance looked a bit like a square bathtub with high sides but it was as big as a hot tub back home. I couldn’t see where the water was supposed to come from—there were no spigots or faucets—but maybe they were hidden. Anyway, it wasn’t a shower or a bath I was looking for—I needed someplace to relieve myself.
The second appliance was more promising. It looked like a large, shiny silver pot balanced on top of a short, squat pedestal. Well, Isayshort but the top of the pedestal came up to my thigh and the broad, flat lip of the pot came up to my waist. So I would have to stand on my tiptoes and scramble a bit to get seated on it, but Ithoughtit was doable—barely.
Then I saw what looked like two white bricks at the base of the pedestal. Oh good—I could use those to climb up. So this was nowdefinitelydoable. Good, because Ireallyhad to go!
Before I peed in the pot, however, I wanted to be sure it was the right place to relieve myself. I mean, what if it was part of the spaceship’s engine and I shorted it out by peeing in it?Thatwould certainly make my giant captor very unhappy and I wasn’t free of him yet. I didn’t want to be punished like a naughty puppy who had piddled in the corner.
I looked down into the silver pot and saw a glimmer of dark blue liquid. This seemed promising—like an airplane toilet maybe. Thismustbe the place to go, I thought. Of course, I didn’t see any toilet paper but I decided that just this once, I could air dry. If I didn’t pee soon, I was going toburst.
Carefully, I stepped up onto the two white bricks at the base of the pedestal. As I stepped on them, I noticed that they lit up—the first brick turned red and the second turned blue. It seemed ominous and any other time I would have jumped back, but did I mention howbadlyI had to go? I decided to ignore the glowing bricks and just pee as quickly as I could.
Settling myself carefully on the edge of the pot—I had to be careful because it was freaking huge and if I wasn’t careful I would certainly fall in—I finally began to pee.
If you’ve ever had to hold it for a really long time, you know what a relief it is when you get to go. I closed my eyes and sighed in pure bliss as the terrible pressure in my bladder was at last released. I felt my shoulders slump as some of the tension I’d been carrying finally left my body and for a minute, I could almost pretend I was back home in my own apartment instead of on an alien spaceship headed God-only-knew-where. For a moment, I felt almost peaceful.
That was, until I felt something hard and cold wrap itself around my waist.
With a gasp, I looked down and saw that the shiny silver bowl I was sitting on had somehow grown a long, silver tentacle out of its side. This tentacle was currently holding me in place where I sat.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed and reached for the silver tentacle to try and pry it off. No dice—it wasreallystrong and it had a firm hold on me—it was wrapped around my waist twice in a double loop.
I tried to jump down off the pot, but the tentacle wouldn’t let me—and then the pot grewanothertentacle from its other side!
I watched in fear as this new appendage waved ominously at me. What did it want? Was the toilet trying to eat me? Was I going to end my life as a snack for an alien commode?
Then, to my horror, the second tentacle made a dive for the space between my legs.
“Hey!” I gasped.“No!”
I managed to grip the silver tentacle before it could get too far, but it was like fighting with a python. The thing was doing its damndest to get to my coochie, but I was having none of it. I’ve seen tentaclehentaibefore and I had no wish to star in my own version of it!
“No!” I shouted at the tentacle as I wrestled with it. “Get away from me! You’re not impregnating me with your alien spawn, you bastard!”
Just at that moment, the fabric curtain was pushed aside and the gray giant was standing there, staring at me with a surprised and bemused look on his face.
“What in the name of the Goddess Everlasting are youdoing, little one?” he rumbled.
SIX
ELLI
“What am Idoing?”I panted, staring up at my captor. “I’m trying to keep your damn toilet from raping me!”
“Fromwhat?”He frowned in obvious confusion.
“The…the tentacles!” I panted. “Your toilet is holding me down and trying…trying to…impregnate me!”