PROLOGUE
HOW I BECAME AN ALIEN OVERLORD’S PET
What did you dream of being when you were little? I mean, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I know lots of little girls want to be a ballerina or a princess or something cute like that. Lots of them aspire to higher ideals—an astronaut or a scientist or even the first female President (I swearsomedaywe’re going to have one!) But no little girl that I know wants to grow up to be somebody’spet. I knowIcertainly didn’t. But that’s exactly what happened when I was abducted and zapped up to space by a group of wormy blue guys called the Commercians who run a service called The Alien Mate Index.
My name is Eliza Angelica Thompson, (though my friends just call me Elli,) and I was kidnapped and forced to become an Alien Overlord’s pet.
Not justanyAlien Overlord, mind you—he’s a Lord of the Realm on Korrigon Four, which is supposedly the most civilized and advanced planet in the universe—at least according to the Korrigans. He’s also ten feet tall with piercing full-black eyes, muscular, andextremelyimposing. He’s a very stern Master—which I found out the hard way.
So why would such an important guy pickmeto be his pet? Well, you got me. I’m just an ordinary Earth woman struggling to get by in today’s gig economy. I definitely don’t stand out in a crowd.
I’m short and curvy—more curvy than I should be, honestly, but whatever—with long dark brown hair that lights up red in the sunlight. I have what my mom calls a “Kewpie doll” face with brown eyes, a cute little nose and lips that are a tad too big. My best feature is probably my eyes—they’re really big with long lashes. And my worst feature is my chubby cheeks—though Idohave dimples when I smile. But I’m not a model or anything. And as I said, I’m way too curvy to be interesting to most guys—let alone rich, important ones. You wouldn’t see someone who looked like me starring as the heroine in a billionaire romance.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m nothing special—not a girl you’d pick to be your perfect companion if you had access to every single female on Earth and you got to choose one. Yet, here I am, an Alien Overlord’s pet…
But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Maybe I should give you a little background and let you know what was happening when I was taken. And you might want to listen up because the Commercians and their AMI are still up there, orbiting Earth and catering to rich Aliens who like Earth girls.
If you’re not careful, you might be next…
ONE
ELLI
“Eliza, darling,dobe a dear and pick up Princess Prissy from the groomers on your way over here,won’tyou?”
The voice of my Great Aunt Maizy set my teeth on edge, as usual. Aunt Maizy was an eccentric old woman who lived by herself in a mini mansion on the edge of the most expensive golf course in town, right by the Fairlanes Country Club. She had lived there for as long as I could remember because apparently my Great Uncle Harold used to like to play golf. However, he had died of a stroke many years ago, leaving my Aunt to devote all her time and money to her pets—the most spoiled of which was the aforementioned “Princess Prissy.”
Princess Prissy was a purebred Pomeranian who was cute as a button and mean as a snake. She was horrible to everyone but my Great Aunt and the tiny, vicious dog just barely toleratedher. Ihateddealing with the little yapper—she’d bitten me more times than I could count. Unfortunately, catering to the spoiled pooch was part of my job.
Now, lest you think I was nothing but a companion for my Great Aunt like Jo was for Aunt March inLittle Women, I also had a real job—well, sort of.
See, I have a Masters degree in Library Science but lately the powers that be had decided to cut our funding—alot.That meant the library I worked at opened later and closed earlier and there were less hours to go around for all the librarians working there. Which sucked—hard. Because I was barely making ends meetbeforethe cutbacks.
Then my landlord informed me that my rent was going up five hundred dollars a month and I was nearly tearing my hair out with worry. What was I going to do? I didnotwant to move back in with my Mom or sleep on my sister’s couch. My fiancé was out of the question—Don liked his “personal space”—which was probably one reason hestillhadn’t set a date with me, even though we’d been engaged for five years already. Besides, his apartment is a pigsty.
It was at this moment of extreme financial desperation when my mom tactfully informed me that Great Aunt Maizy needed “a little help around the house” and was willing to pay for it.
“Why shouldn’tyouhelp her instead of some person she doesn’t even know?” my mom said. “After all, blood is thicker than water. Think of how grateful she’ll be—she’ll probably put you in her will! You know your Great Uncle left herscadsof money!”
Well, my Great Uncle Harold might have left Aunt Maizy a rich woman but as far as I could see, she was spending her fortune as fast as could on truly ridiculous things. Like the crazy wardrobes she kept for her little dogs. I happened to know that the spoiled Pomeranian I was picking up from the groomers had more clothes thanIdid. She was wearing something new just about every time I saw her and most of her outfits were cuter than mine, too—I mean we’re talking serious doggyhaute couture!
Not that I’m some kind of fashion maven—at that point I was lucky to be shopping at Wal-Mart. It seemed like the price of everything had gone through the roof and I was barely scraping by as it was. So I couldn’t exactly afford to say “no” when my Great Aunt asked me to pick up Prissy, even though it wasn’t technically part of my job.
“Of course I’ll get her,” I said into my phone with forced cheerfulness. “But I thought Tuesday was her day at the groomers?” Which was usually good for me, since I only worked for my Aunt on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and tried to get as many hours as possible at the Library all the other days of the week.
“Oh, but today is herbig day!Don’t you remember?” Aunt Maizy trilled in my ear. “Today is the day my darling Prissy ties the knot with Mr. Piddlesworth! A match made inHeaven.”
Oh my God…I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt. It was a good thing I was on the phone instead of speaking face-to-face with my Aunt so she couldn’t see me.
“That’s right—I totally forgot,” I said. “Today is the day of her, uh, wedding.”
“That’s right! It’s thebig day!”Aunt Maizy said again. “Andafterthey’re properly married, Prissy and Mr. Piddlesworth are going to try and have a litter. Won’t that be nice? They both have suchexcellentbloodlines, you know. Their puppies will be justexquisite.”
“I’m sure they will,” I said, stifling a sigh.
“You know, my friends have been asking me if I was going tobreedPrincess Prissy foragesnow,” my Aunt continued. “Breedher—as if she was a common mutt! I always told them, ‘No indeed! My Prissy shall not have carnal knowledge of any male dog until she is properly wed!’ And then they wanted to know if I would sell her puppies—can youimagine?‘OfcourseI’m not going to sell them!’ I said. Why, I shall keep every one of my little darling’s children—no mother should be parted from her child!”