Was he angry?
I studied his face as I waited for him to explain, not surprised to pick up the tension in his shoulders.
He was doing his best to keep the fire within him from surfacing, and I imagined he’d kept that rage buried all night. It had to be eating away at him, and I couldn’t help but wonder if any part of that fury was because of me. Had I done something?
Hurt fractured in those light blue eyes like shattered ice. “It’s not safe for you to be around me. Look what happened last night. That shit was my fault. Because of me, you ended up in danger. My past. My decisions lead to trouble. And Irefuseto bring you into the danger.”
I bolted upright in bed, the sheet around me slipping, but I didn’t give an Elite ass about my nakedness. “Don’t you dare take the blame. You didn’t put a gun to Sterling’s head and force him to drug me.”
His shoulders dropped, right along with my heart as understanding dawned. Micah was self-sabotaging our relationship. “No, but I might as well have. Whatever beef Sterling has with me, he’ll continue to use the most important thing to me because he knows that’s where to cut me the deepest.You,” he emphasized. “You’re the most important thing in my life, and I can’t risk you. Who knows how much further he’s willing to go? Until I find out what it is he thinks I’ve done, you need to stay away from me.”
Everything about this felt wrong. Why should Micah and I be the ones punished for someone else’s fucked-up mental issues? I was convinced Sterling had more than a few screws loose. I’d seen it yesterday, and I believed that was only the tip of a giant iceberg regarding his mental stability.
I shook my head. “Like a few days? A week? How long of a break are you suggesting? And what do you mean by break? We don’t see each other anymore? We don’t talk?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, giving me absolutely nothing to hold on to.
I fisted the sheets, holding them to my chest. “You don’t know,” I repeated, punctuating each syllable with attitude. “That’s rich, Micah. Why do you get to make this decision? You should have talked to me.” I let my anger free. He wasn’t the only one who was frustrated with Sterling.
He forked a hand into his sandy hair. Some days I missed the platinum locks he’d worn through high school. “What do you think I’m doing?” he bit out, finally releasing that locked-up anger.
I could see this escalating quickly. Micah and I were about to have a full-blown fight. “This isn’t talking and coming up with a solution together. This is you making all the decisions because you think you know best.”
“I get that you’re pissed. Do you think I want to do this?”
“Does it matter? Because you are. How many times am I going to let you hurt me?” I shot back.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you, Mads. Just the fucking opposite.”
“It doesn’t matter. The outcome is the same.” I snorted, shaking my head. “You’re being just as big a fool as he is if you think he’s going to buy into the crap that you don’t care about me anymore. Thisbreak, as you call it, is pointless.”
“Maybe. But I knew you wouldn’t agree to leave school, and I couldn’t ask you no matter how much I want you as far from him as possible.” He took a deep breath. “Look, all I’m saying is that you can’t be anywhere I am. It gives him opportunity.”
From confused, to upset, to hurt, to pissed off. My emotions had just gotten off a roller coaster only to get right back on the worst ride of my life. The pain in my heart split into surging anger. “I’m not doing this,” I said, tossing the sheet off me and jumping out of his bed. I didn’t want to be here anymore, listening to the stupidest shit I’d ever heard.
“Mads.” Micah sighed. “It’s because I love you so fucking much that I have to let you go. Next time, I might not be there. I can live knowing you’re alive and safe. But if anything happened to you… that I could never live with.”
“This is stupid, do you know that? You love me, but you think we should break up. Fuck that, Micah.” I began a scavenger hunt for my clothes, scouring the floor for something to wear. It didn’t even have to be mine. “Screw your break,” I snapped, whirling toward him. “How about I see you one better and just call this whole thing off? It’s not like we ever really stood a chance.”
He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. It was a low blow, but my tongue was irrational, acting out without thinking. I tended to get that way when I was furious and hurt. “Are you breaking up with me?” he asked quietly.
I grabbed a T-shirt and yanked it over my head. Micah’s scent surrounded me, and I instantly wanted to rip it off. “If you insist on taking a break, yes. I don’t want someone who won’t stand by me.”
His jaw hardened. “That’s not what I’m doing. You know damn well this isn’t simple or something I took lightly.”
“You’re fucking kidding, right?” I barked, jerking on my shorts. “This is a joke. You’re being an asshole. And it’s not cute or sexy this time. And it’s not me who’s doing this to us. It’s you. I’m just drawing the line. We’re either a team or we’re not. Simple.”
He stood from the chair, coming toward me. “Mads.”
I held up a finger in front of me before he could take one step closer to me, distance being key for me to keep my composure. I would not crumble under those damn light blue eyes or the fucking dimples. He would not use those on me. Not today. “No. I know what you’re doing, and I refuse to let you do this to us.”
He took a step toward me and another. “It might not seem like it right now, but I’d rather have you alive than see you tormented for being my girlfriend.”
Snatching my bra and underwear from the floor, I clutched them at my sides. “If you do this, Micah, he wins. And I can promise that I’m not waiting around. Not anymore. If I walk out that door, I’m never walking back through. Do you understand? That’s it. We’re finished. Finite. Forever. You don’t get to come in and out of my life when you fucking feel like it. I’m not a revolving door you can enter and leave when the mood strikes.”
He said the worst thing he could. “You’re being unreasonable.”
I zipped up my shorts, angrily fumbling with the button. He knew I hated having my feelings invalidated. “I didn’t think I could ever hate you as much as I did that night I found you in bed with another girl. Boy, was I wrong.” Grabbing my bag, I stormed out, leaving him standing in the middle of the room.