“What?” said Kat. She had shimmied out of the booth and was now standing at the end of the table, waiting for me. “You okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just.” I shook my head. “We shouldn’t.” She slowly sat back down next to me. “I’m not a kid anymore, Kat. I’m in my forties, and I have a daughter to raise and a business to run. I can’t be doing stuff like this!”
“You can’t have a little fun?”
“Not in public,” I said.
“That’s why I said we should go to the car.”
“I can’t there either. We are parked right out in the open. I’m sorry, it’s just, this sort of thing isn’t made for a man my age.”
She frowned. “I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. I mean, you’re in great shape, and—”
I put a hand up to stop her flattery. “Let me rephrase,” I said. “This sort of thing isn’t what I want.” I saw her expression shift and I knew she was hurt, so I tried to explain myself as quickly as possible. “I didn’t mean I don’t want you. Because I do. That’s—pretty obvious, I think. All I meant is that I’m too old for backseat hook-ups. I want a bed, or at least a room with a door, and maybe a blanket or something now that it’s getting so chilly.”
This made her smile, but it was a small one. I reached out and took her hand in mine. “Kat, this has nothing to do with you. But I think this has really put the whole thing into perspective for me. We shouldn’t do this. We’re not right for each other. And we have to consider your dad, how he would feel about all this. You’re just too young, and I’m your boss. It’s all really… messy.”
“And what if I like messy?”
She looked at me out of the corner of her eye, and I realized I needed to tread carefully. This woman had a hold over me, and she was keenly aware of it. One sultry look, one sexy smirk, and she and I both knew I wouldn’t be able to resist.
“Kat—think about what people would say if they found out. The power dynamics and all, it just wouldn’t look good. Especially considering the fact that apparently it’s common knowledge that you used to have a raging crush on me when you were a teenager.”
Right as the words left my mouth, I knew I had made a mistake. I saw something akin to horror, an embarrassment so pure and so strong, crash over Kat and I wished more than anything that I could take the comment back.
“That came out wrong,” I said.
“I didn’t know you knew about that,” she said. She took her hand out from under mine and got up out of the booth. “You’re right, we should just leave. Go back to the office and forget that any of this happened.”
“I didn’t say we should—”
“I’m going to go wait in the car.” Her eyes were focused on the floor. “Thanks for lunch.” She turned without looking up at me and marched towards the door and out of the diner. I watched her leave, it dawning on me just how badly I’d messed up. Then the waitress came back with the check. I paid at the cash register by the door, then followed her out.
She didn’t say a word to me for the entire car ride back to Boston.
Chapter Eleven
Kat
The first thing I did when we got back to the offices, after awkwardly waving goodbye to Jonah outside of the elevators, was call Becca.
I was already dialing as I walked down the hall and, thankfully, she answered right as I closed the door to my office.
“Hey chica, what’s up?” she said. “How did the work trip go?”
“Awful.”
“What? No!” She sounded downright disappointed, which was exactly the way I was feeling. “What happened?”
“Well, for starters, we kissed. More than that actually.”
Becca squealed. “What? That’s amazing! How did it happen? Where? Oh my God, what else did you guys do?”
“None of the details matter, Beccs, because he went ahead and ruined it all.” I threw myself down in my desk chair and let out an exhausted sigh.
“He ruined it? How?”
“I guess, if we’re being technical about it, it’s mostly Calvin’s fault, but I’d really like to go on blaming them both equally.”