"I didn't say hewantedto be in Iris," I replied. "I said heneededIris, there's a difference." As the SUV turned down the street the duplex was on, I knew we were running out of time. I flipped on my side, facing Knix with my seatbelt tight across my arm. "Please, Knix, at least think about it. Bring it up to Alex? I think that Grayson is alone and that's why he's trying so hard to help his brother, but Josh isn't there for him. Grayson doesn't really have anyone. I had Erika and my mom, but you still came forme."
"That's different. Erika is your friend and she certainly didn't know how bad off you were. Your mother was and still is incapable of helping you with anything. She has to be looked after 24/7."
"But you still came for me, even though you didn't needto."
"You were already in our periphery," Knix said. "You were about to be approached by Alexanyway."
I opened my mouth to argue further, but he pulled into the driveway just behind Grayson's sedan and held up a hand. "Hold up, before you jump on me," he said. "I’m not saying no.” I sat back and waited as he continued. “If you can keep this to yourself, I’ll contact Alex and see what hesays."
I grinned. "Thank you, Knix. You won't regret it." I hoped not,anyway.
He stared at me. "Harlow?"
"Yes?" I held mybreath.
"If Alex agrees, then you can consider how Grayson acts from this point onward in this investigation part of his interview process. You cannot let him know anything, do youunderstand?"
I noddedexcitedly.
"That doesn't mean he will be accepted—if he even wants to be accepted," Knix saidseriously.
"I understand. Just as long as he has achance."
Knix sighed. "If a chance is what you want to give him, then let him earn it." Knix got out of the car, and I unbuckled my seatbelt before scrambling out as well. Something else was bothering me, though. Something else I needed to tell him—well, really, that I needed to telleveryone.
"Knix," I called out just before he reached theporch.
When he turned and quirked a brow, my stomach sank a little. "There’s one more thing," I admitted nervously. "I just wanted you to know that um...well, we're all being honest with each other, right?" He nodded with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. I hoped he wouldn't be nearly as upset as I knew Marv would be. "And you know about what happened between me and Bellamy?" Iasked.
Knix turned fully to face me. "Is this about what went down at Ms. Enders' Camp?" heasked.
"Not exactly, but I knew I needed to tell you about that." I looked to the ground and dug the toe of my shoe into theconcrete.
"Little Bit," Knix stepped closer and tucked his fingers under my chin again, lifting my gaze to meet his once more, "you can tell meanything."
God, I hoped he was right. "I kissed Graysontonight."
His fingers fell away and if the surprise on his face was anything to go by, I knew he definitely hadn't been expecting me to drop that bomb. "You...kissedGrayson?"
I nodded and then took a breath. "I'm not..." I swallowed, my throat suddenly bone-dry. "It wasn't..." I closed my eyes. "I don't regret it," I said quickly. "I don't regret kissing him, just like I don't regret kissing you, or Bellamy, or Marv, or Texas. You all mean so much to me and I feel like you should be mad at me because I keep kissing you and your friends—well, except for Grayson—but—"
"Is that why you want him in Iris?" The hard tone of Knix's voice made me keep my eyes shut and I turned my head to the side. "Do you..." It sounded like it was hard for him to say whatever he was trying to say. Out of instinct, I peeked my eyes open. That surprised expression was still on his face, but more importantly...he lookedscared.
I opened my eyes all the way and stepped towards him. "Knix?"
He shook his head and kept me away with a raised palm. "Just tell me something, Harlow." I stood completely still, heart racing, breath stuttering. "Do you care about him more than you do us? Would you rather start a team withhim?"
I exhaled on a rush of relief. That was what he was worried about? I shook my head once again. "Of course not," I said. I cared about them all equally...even Grayson, though I suspected even the marginal amount of care would seem like entire mountains for someone who seemed so starved ofit.
Knix sighed, too. "Just as long as I still have a shot, Little Bit," he said. "I find that I can't help wondering when, one day, you'll give meup."
I frowned, confused. "Give youup?"
Knix smiled, but it was sad—it didn't quite meet his eyes. There was no crinkling in the corners, and no twitching of his lips. It was so unlike him that it startledme.
"I know we haven't been exactly fair with you," he said, his hands clenching at his sides. "We're all tiptoeing on a line that I don't even know who drew. After this job is over, maybe it'll be time," hesaid.
"Time?" My brows lowered. "Time for what?" When he raised his gaze to meet mine, my heartstopped.
"Time for you to choose," he said. “Whether or not you’ll stick with Iris full time ornot.”