I closed my eyes, my face tilting up, and my body angled to the side to rest against him. “I-I’m scared.” I didn’t want to admit it, but it felt safe there, in his arms. “I’m scared that once she goes to the hospital, she won’t come back. Notalive.”
Knix’s nose nudged mine, urging me to open my eyes. I did. “Not everyone can get better, but we’ll make sure that she has the best care, comfort, whatever she needs. I know how you feel, Little Bit.” The rasp in his voice, the broken way some of his words ended, sliced me right to mycore.
“Who did you lose?” Iasked.
“My father was a strong man,” he said. “He built a lot of houses from the ground up. He drew some of these…” He gestured to the walls, leaning back and cuddling me closer as though needing his own blanket of protection against the memories. “He passed away a few years ago. Heart attack. Left me everything he had, but I would give it all up just for one more day withhim.”
Tears slid down my face. “Yourmom?”
“She and I don’t speak. They split when I was in high school and she used to hold me over his head. I never wanted to be his guillotine. I tried to please her, make her happy so he wouldn’t be miserable.” He smiled, but it was filled with bitterness. “You can’t make everyone happy. It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I realized I could have chosen to live with him the entire time and we both could have cut her out of ourlives.”
“You would have wanted that?” Iasked.
“Some women are born maternal,” he replied. “Some grow into it, but she never did. She was angry, bitter, jealous, and paranoid. She was the woman who gave birth to me, nothing more. If it made my father happy, I would have cut her out of my life and pretended she neverexisted.”
The more he spoke, the more his eyes shined. His face was stark, cold against the thoughts of the woman who must have hurt him much deeper than any other because she was his mother – his blood. I cried for him. I cried for mymom.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. The hard edges of his expression softened as he looked back down atme.
“I told you, Little Bit.” His eyes grazed along my cheek. “There is nothing to be sorryfor.”
Those blue endless pools stopped, frozen in time, and he leaned forward. I backed up, confused, worried. What was wrong? His hand landed softly on the back of my head, halting my retreat. He paused for a moment, but when I didn’t protest – I didn’t even think to – then his lips were on mine. Brushing over them. His kiss was soft, gentle. So unlike how he appeared in stasis – an unrelenting mountain. Now, he moved with me, trailing his fingers through my hair, turning me to face him completely, and bringing me closer until my breasts were crushed against his chest. My hands crept up to his shoulders, his mouth opened and mine followed. My heart raced in my chest, beating rhythmically, speeding up my breath. My eyes slid closed when his kiss became allconsuming.
“Harlow,” he whispered, drawing back for an instant. “Harlow.” He pressed his lips to mine once more. I breathed in the scent of sandalwood and gasped when his teeth tugged at my lower lip. How was this happening? It took what seemed an eternity for my mind to catch up with my body, but by then Knix was distracting me with something new. His hands lowered to the middle of my back, and he groaned. His tongue slid into my mouth. Ireciprocated.
It was like a game of tug of war. When I retreated, he advanced, but then he would pull back and I would follow, clinging to the sensations that he created as they washed over my skin. I needed him to keep going. I needed him like I needed to breathe. His shoulders were hard, encased in muscle and when he lifted me up to straddle his lap, I sat back on his knees, feeling something poke my stomach. The sensation was immediately lost when he kissed meagain.
Heat speared through me and I tugged on his shirt, sliding my hands beneath the fabric to feel his hard chest underneath. When he flicked his tongue across mine, my nails sank into his skin and he groaned. My head was a whirlwind, a fog of lust. Not wanting to stop kissing him long enough to yank his shirt up, I let go and my hands traveled up, my fingers sliding through his hair. The sandy blond strands stuck to my palms and I smoothed it back to look at his face when I finally pulled away. Our chests rose and fell, each of us breathing hard. I gulped as I gazed at him. His eyes were wide, stunned. I had never seen him so dazed. He always appeared in total control. Now, with his cheeks flushed and his skin warm to the touch, his lips full, he seemed wilder. Unabashed.Beautiful.
Just as beautiful asBellamy.
I staggered away, nearly throwing myself off the bed with that thought. My butt landed awkwardly on the carpeted rug. He sucked in a breath and stood up, reaching down to help me. I just kissed Knix. I had kissed Bellamy. What was Idoing?
“It’s going to be okay, Little Bit.” Knix reassured me, taking my flustered panic for fear. He leaned down to kiss my forehead again. Perhaps he thought that I was just confused or that I thought he had moved too fast, but he pulled away, giving me space. “I’m going to go make us something to eat. Why don’t you sit on the bed and I’ll bring it toyou.”
I watched him go, his hips drawing my attention. I could have slapped myself. What was I thinking? How did I let that happen? Did this mean he liked me? Did this mean we were dating? No, at the reminder of Bellamy I calmed down a little more. Bellamy hadn’t said anything about dating me. One kiss did not a boyfriend make. Otherwise, I would have two boyfriends in the course of less than a week. I sat back down on the bed and sighed. Guys were hard to understand, but I was sure if they really liked me they would have told me. Sometimes guys got heated and when they got heated, they got turned on. It was just a reaction. Bellamy had been angry, Knix had been thinking about his mom, which also made him angry. It didn’t mean anything.Right?