Chapter 18
Gavin
Holyshit.
There’s no way I heard what I think I heard. Lauren loves me.
And of course, I did what I do best. I fucked up. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I ruined it again. I didn’t think there was any way she felt anything close to what I do, but I was just happy to have any part of her. Now I might lose it all.
The door opens, and her footsteps carry down the hallway. I panic. I can't go on without her. Not having my eyesight is better than not having Lauren and Graham in my life.
My body knows where all the furniture is and how to get to the door, even though I'm not thinking straight. Leaving my room faster than I thought possible, I turn in the direction of the lobby, hoping Lauren is still there.
"Lauren, wait."
There's more I need to say, but the tightness in my throat makes it hard to talk. Thankfully, her footsteps stop, and I hope she’ll hear me out. I have to be able to get the words out first.
She doesn’t say anything and there's no other sound, so I know she hasn't turned around.
"I am so sorry. It all came out wrong."
There’s still no movement and she hasn’t said a word. At least she's staying because she heard the sincerity in my voice.
"Please come back and talk to me."
She doesn't move or say anything. I send up a silent prayer she'll give me a chance to make this right because I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't.
Standing there, I wait. I wait for her to turn or leave me here alone. The next move is hers, and I wait, holding my breath.
She takes a shaky breath, and I send up another silent prayer hoping she’s not crying. A shuffling sound reaches me before her footsteps slowly make their way back to me.
When she stops right in front of me, without hesitation, I reach out and pull her into me, holding her tight so she can’t escape. I tug her back to my room and onto the couch on my lap. Having her there pressed against me is the only thing calming me.
"God, Lauren, say it again, please," I beg because it's been so long since I've heard those words. I hear them every night in my dreams, but it’s over seven years since I heard them from her lips.
Her body shakes and trembles as she takes a deep breath. "I love you, Gavin."
I can't stop the surge of joy coursing through my body. Her words race across my skin, touching me everywhere. It’s the most euphoric feeling in the world.
"I love you too, Lauren. So damn much. I never stopped, not once."
My lips crash into hers as I tangle my hand in her hair and press her against the back of the couch. I can't believe I almost lost her because I was too far into my head.
Was that how it was for her when I walked away? Is that what she’s been dealing with for the last seven years? If so, she’s the strongest person I know because I couldn't have done it. It was hard enough being the one who walked away.
I kiss her like I'm trying to erase all the pain I’ve caused her. If I can remove even an ounce of it, I will. Her lips are soft, and I remember the pleasure of them against my skin the other night. I pull back before I take her here on the couch.
"Will you lie down with me for a little bit? I need to hold you." My words are open and honest.
She nods, and we move to the bed where I pull her into my chest, snuggling on our sides. I wish I could see her. While I have a good idea of what she looks like now by running my hands over her body, there are things only my eyes can tell me.
"We could be together for the next fifty years, and I will never understand why you want to be with me, especially now. I should be taking care of you, not the other way around. I never meant to hurt you. Everything got messed up because I was too far in my head. I am so sorry." I give her the truth because she deserves it.
Lauren doesn't move or say anything. She lies there and lets me hold her for a minute before turning in my arms to face me. When she places a hand under my chin, I take comfort from the gesture, which means so much.
"You aren't the only one with insecurities,” Lauren says. “We have a long history, but I’m here with you because I want to be, not because I have to be. And if I'm being honest, I've probably delayed releasing you from treatment because it gave me an excuse to see you every day. I'd still see you as often as possible, but once I release you, I take on another patient. I wouldn't come to Oakside until the patient transferred here."
I would’ve hated it too. But knowing she’s seeing me because she wants to, not because she has to, makes it easier.