Lexi asked if I would help Mandy and Paisley run the place for a few days when she goes into labor. Of course, I said yes. I've got the extra time. Mandy can run all the background stuff, Paisley can take care of patient interaction for Noah, and I’ll run the front desk in the lobby for the visitors.
Lexi smiles. "Braxton Hicks, the fake ones, though they sure don't feel fake."
We sit and talk for a few more minutes before I go to see Gavin.
"Hey, sexy," I greet him playfully.
When he doesn't turn my way or return my greeting, I know whatever is going on in his head has him down.
"Go home, Lauren," he says, his voice stern and unforgiving.
Knowing this is going to be a serious conversation, I step into his room and close the door behind me. He may not want to talk, but that’s not an option.
"Damn it! I said go away." He finally turns in my direction, and if looks could kill…
"No, I’m not leaving. I know about the surgery and the conversation with your doctor. Tell me what's going on in your head."
"I’d have to go to Baltimore."
"What do you have against Baltimore?" I sit on the opposite end of the couch, putting some room between us.
He doesn't answer me right away. That's fine. I can wait him out, but he is going to answer me.
Eventually, he sighs, and it's like his entire body gives up. He reaches across the couch and pulls me into his lap. Sitting sideways, I put my arms around his neck, and he buries his head against my shoulder. We sit there for a while, and he simply holds me. I'll sit here as long as he needs.
"Why don't you want the surgery?" I whisper.
He takes a moment and doesn't answer right away.
"Because it's in Baltimore,” he finally says.
It’s like we're talking in circles. "Again, what exactly do you have against Baltimore?"
He sighs in frustration like it should be obvious, and I wrack my brain for any conversation we’ve had about Baltimore. Did he say something about Baltimore when we were dating all those years ago? I don't remember anything relevant.
"It's too far from you and Graham." His voice is shaky and small, a tone I haven't heard from him. Not ever.
Now we're starting to get somewhere. Didn't I have the same conversation with my mom in the car? We're on the same wavelength. At least that hasn't changed, even if so much else has.
"Depending on the timing, there’s always the option of us going with you."
He shakes his head. I get the vibes there's something else, something bigger, but he can't bring himself to say it.
"If I have the surgery and get my sight back, there'll be no reason for you to come around."
I sit there stunned. What the actual fuck? I can't get my brain around what he said. I stand because there's no explanation for his words. "Do you think after all this time, I’m going to sit here feeling sorry for the poor blind guy?"
He doesn't answer or move his head in my direction, and I become irritated. The least he could do is look sorry.
"You’re an asshole, Gavin. Is your opinion of me so low you think I’d sleep with you out of pity? Do you think I do that with all my patients? Why am I even here if your opinion of me is that low?" I start gathering my things and back out of the door."Oh, that's right, I'm here because my stupid ass went and fell in love with you all over again."
I don't wait to see if he says anything or if there's any reaction. I turn and walk out the door, praying I can make it to my car before I start crying. The last thing I need is for everyone to start asking me a million questions.
What an idiot I’ve been.