James and Graham have been friends since their first day of school. James's mother is a stay-at-home mom, and when she realized I was a single mom, she offered to pick Graham up from school and let the boys play together until I got off work each day.
The best part is she refuses to take any money. Instead, I watch James a few nights a month so she and her husband can have date nights. I also had him over for a few weekends, so they could go on a weekend trip up to Gatlinburg.
I couldn't be more thankful for how seamlessly it’s worked out. This is part of my support system, and I'm not thrilled to leave it behind.
"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Why don't you help me set the table?" I reach into the cabinet and grab two plates for him.
After setting the table, Graham gets everything ready for spaghetti night. Mondays are hard, so we started “Monday Night Spaghetti Night” to make it more manageable and fun. Gavin and I did this when we were dating, so I’ve tried to bring as much of his dad to him as I can.
As we sit down to eat dinner, I can't help but wonder what to do next. I have so much running through my head. When do I tell Gavin about his son? He's going to be upset I haven't told him, but I haven't had any way to contact him. He vanished to boot camp. Nor does he have any social media because I've looked many times over the years.
Then there’s Graham. He deserves to know his father. While he has photos and knows a little about his dad, doesn't he deserve a relationship too? I don't want to rock his world too much. He's doing great in school, and Gavin has no plans for his life after Oakside.
But I can’t forget my parents. They supported me through school and helped a scared eighteen-year-old through pregnancy. How do I tell them Gavin is back? This is a whole other conversation I need to have.
"Mom, are you even listening to me?" Graham whines.
"Sorry, buddy. Hard day at work, and my mind is wandering. Why don’t you start over?"
It’s become a tradition to talk about his day at the dinner table. Now he begins talking as soon as we sit down to eat. It's our thing, and we do it every night.
I push Gavin out of my head and focus on my son. I need to be a mom tonight and give him my full attention.
Once Graham’s in bed, I clean up the house, and my mind wanders back to Gavin. I need to get a game plan together for his treatment and for us.
It’s essential I get to know him again to make sure he's the kind of man I want around my son. While I don't need or want anything from him, I have to know this is best for Graham, and Gavin is healing and in a good place first.
That's my game plan. Get to know Gavin as the person he is now while keeping my walls up and intact.
Lord help me.