Everything had been perfect. I’d been young, in love, and on top of the world. And then in one night, it had all fallen apart. I’d killed my best friend and nearly killed the love of my life, too.
I just couldn’t face Lena after what happened to Owen. The thought of her hating me was more than I could stand, and how could she not? I’d killed her brother, her twin, a fucking piece of her. How could I ever look her in the eye again?
I probably should have left before the funeral, but I couldn’t bring myself to miss it. Whatever my own issues were, I owed it to him to be there, even though I hung towards the back and kept my face hidden as much as possible. I know Lena still saw me, though. She’d looked out over the crowd, and I’d felt the moment she spotted me.
It was a cowardly move, but I was gone before she could get to me, and I just jumped in my fucking car and kept driving. I’d packed all my shit in the car before I left, telling my mother I was leaving. It had been an ugly fight and Mom hadn’t wanted me to go, but in the end, I was 18 and she couldn’t stop me.
I’d ended up halfway across the country, finding a job and taking classes at the local community college, living in my car until a classmate took pity on me and offered up their couch. I wound up becoming her official roommate and working my way through school.
And then about eight months ago, Mom had gotten really sick. I’d come back to see her, and for a while, it had looked pretty grim. But she made a turnaround, and while I still wonder if it was the right choice, I’d decided to come back home. She’s the only family I’ve got, and I’ve got enough regrets; I don’t need to add guilt about not seeing her more often to the pile.
The front door swings open, and I look up, surprised. I kind of hadn’t expected Elliot back this early, if he was even coming home tonight at all. But I have to admit, part of me is cheering a little bit.
“Hey. Back already?”
He glances down at his watch. “I was gone for almost four hours.”
“Well, yeah, I guess I just thought…” I trail off awkwardly, then try to shift the topic, “How’d it go?”
“Actually, it was great,” he says, and I try to ignore the way his lovesick smile twists in my gut, “She’s a great girl. She’s smart, funny, just the right amount of nerdy…you guys actually have a lot in common, you’d like her.”
It takes everything I’ve got in me not to snort in response.Right,I think,I’m sure I’d just love her, and wouldn’t at all be thinking about what you looked like staring up at me with those big hazel eyes and my cock stuffed down your fucking throat.
I swallow hard. “That’s cool.”
He nods. “Yeah. She’s really straightforward, too, which I like. Just wants to take things kind of slow, I guess her last relationship ended really badly or something.”
Part of me is grateful for the conversation, since things have been so tense between the two of us since we hooked up, but at the same time, listening to Elliot tell me all about his new relationship just feels like a kick in the balls and I just can’t do it.
“That sucks. But I’m glad things are going well,” I say, getting to my feet, “I’m pretty beat, I think I’m gonna call it a night.”
Elliot nods. “Yeah, of course. Night, man.”
“Night,” I pause for a second, wanting to say something else, but even though a thousand thoughts run through my mind, nothing makes it to my mouth, so instead I just head down the hall.
I flop down onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m not tired. Not at all, it had just been an excuse because I couldn’t keep hearing him talk about this amazing new girlfriend of his, but I didn’t want to damage the fragile peace that was forming between us.
Part of me wishes I’d never told him that night was a mistake. It didn’t feel like one, it had felt more right than anything in my pathetic fucking life had felt since I walked away from Lena.
But I’d done what I had to do. It wasn’t fair to pursue anyone when my heart was still hers. I did the right thing…didn’t I?
Chapter Four
Lena
One Month Later
“Hmm…I don’t think I like that one, show me the pink again?”
I set down the lipstick I’m holding and pick up the pink, holding it up to my face so Paige can see it against my skin tone once more. Or at least, she can kind of see it, I know the lighting on our video chat isn’t exactly true to real life.
“Yeah, I think that’s the one,” she confirms.
Paige has been my best friend since the two of us were thirteen years old. Unfortunately, her job’s had her traveling a lot recently and I haven’t seen too much of her, but thanks to the wonders of technology, we can still chat while she’s away.
And she can virtually critique my outfits and give me makeup advice, as she’s currently doing. “So what are you guys doing tonight?” she asks.
I smile. “He’s making me dinner at his place.”