"I want to do this." I tap the top of the page with my fingers. "I want to go to Hawaii."
"But…" my mom starts.
"How will you get there?" my dad asks, "You know we don't have that kind of money to get you a plane ticket to Hawaii."
I shake my head. "I have some money saved."
"You do know you have to fly to California and then to Hawaii, right? There are no direct flights from Wisconsin to Hawaii. It's going to be an expensive ticket."
My fingers fall from the paper into my lap. I didn't think about this. But I'm determined, and for the first time in a year, I'm actually looking forward to something. I want to hang onto the last shred of humanity I have left in me. This beating heart in my chest feels alive, like it's awakening after a long sleep. The creakiness in my body after being stiff for so long. I feel new, alive.
I have to do this.
"I want to do this. Please, guys." I put my hands in the prayer pose.
My dad sits against the back of the couch, folding his arms across his chest, and glances at my mom.
She has tears in her eyes. "Is this about Roman? Because—"
I whip my head from side to side. "No. For once in my life, this is aboutme."
"But what about dance?" She dabs her wet eyes with the back of her hand. "Ballet has been such a huge part in your life. You just want to throw that away?"
"I think dance is a part of my past." My own throat starts to close up, and I clear my throat to rid the emotion. "I'm ready for a fresh start."
She blows out a shaky breath between her teeth, handing me back the piece of paper. "When would you leave?"
"Right away. Next week, probably." Obviously, I need to figure out the finer details, but getting away from here is what would be best for me and my health. Sitting here and moping over a guy isn't doing me any favors. I need to start over. It's time I find myself.
She nods her head, turning toward my dad. "What do you think, Charlie?"
He wraps his arm around her, pulling her against him. He knows she's having a hard time with this, and so do I. "I'm okay with it if you are. She's an adult now. I think if she wants to go and experience life, we can't stop her."
My mom looks back at me. "You'll talk to me all the time? Send me emails and call?"
Tears spring to my eyes, the reality of what I'm choosing smacking me in the face. "Of course." I lean over, wrapping my arms around the both of them. "All the time."
"Then, okay. We're okay with it," Mom says.
I fold the paper up and stand up from the table. "Thank you. Thank you! I'm going to go look some stuff up on the computer." I head to Harper's room, which has been converted into a guest room slash computer room. It takes a while to log on, since our dial-up internet is so terrible out here, but I find a Greyhound that leaves here in a week, heading to California. From there, I can take a flight out to Maui. It's the cheapest route and would save me a little money along the way.
By the time I shut down the computer, my body is humming with excitement. The hair on my arms stick straight up on my entire body, actually.
One week.
One week, and my life begins again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ROMAN
The yellow taxi hops off the highway, and I'm instantly hit with nostalgia. It's been a long time since I've been in my hometown. A long time coming.
I was hoping to get home a while ago, but tour stop after tour stop, and things couldn't be avoided. That, and our van broke down in Iowa. The guys are there, but I couldn't wait anymore. I had to get home. I have to talk to my family, and I have to see Luna. It's been too long. Every time I'm about to pick up the phone and call her or get a piece of paper out to write her a letter, I get pulled in a different direction.
I know I'm in the wrong. I made a promise that I kind of fell off on, but once she hears how busy I've been, how popular we're becoming, and how busy things are going to be in the upcoming months, I know she'll be happy for me. She'll be proud that I've finally made it.
I'm hoping she is ready to move out to New York with me. I'm planning to let the guys take over the rent fully in our little apartment in Los Angeles, and me and Luna can go live in New York. I'll come stay with the guys whenever I need to be in town, but I always want to come back to Luna. That's the plan, at least.