"Good morning, baby," I mumble, continuing on with my tune. I bend down, my humming lips pressing against her plump ones.
"Morning." She stretches, her naked body pale and beautiful in the morning light. Her long limbs are thin and glowing against the yellow-gray sand with a milkiness that's always been a part of her body—exquisite. Her bruised toes are full of the rough grains, and she wiggles them. I watch as the grains fall back to the earth. Her nipples are peaked as they point toward the sky.
"Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, her hand reaching up to brush some hair from my face. I smile at her, setting my guitar aside and picking her up so her back presses against my chest.
"I have to talk to you about something." I trail my fingers along her shoulder and down her collarbone, to the ballet slipper necklace. It's a permanent fixture on her body. Like another arm or leg. It's a part of her.
It's a part of me.
"Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good at all." She tilts her head up, her hair bunching on my neck as she frowns at me. I tweak her cheek and press my thumb against the soft skin between her eyebrows to smooth out the crease.
"It's nothing too bad." I think about what to say. I think of how to say it. I don't know how to break the news, even though I've known myself for weeks. I've practiced a million times in my head, alone in my room. But when the time comes, I'm speechless, and no words will form on my tongue.
"Spit it out, Roman." She sits up, pulling the blanket over her lap while she frowns at me. The sand flies from the blanket, flinging onto my legs and face and arms.
But I'm rarely quiet, rarely have any bad news or anything negative to say, so I know Luna can tell something is up from my tone alone.
"Modern Records offered us a label."
Her eyes go wide, her jaw going slack before a wide smile breaks out on her face. Her gray eyes glowing with elation. She drops her blanket, rolling around so she can hug me. Her arms go around my shoulders, and she squeezes tight. "That's good fucking news, Roman!"
I don't say anything, emotion building in my chest to the point that I can barely breathe. She notices my silence, her arms going slack around me as she leans back, looking me in the eyes. "What's wrong? Isn't that good news?" She shakes me a bit, and I stare at her. My eyes want to water, and I blink them back.
"They want us to start a tour. I leave in two weeks."
Her entire body freezes as she blinks at me, her own eyes filling with tears. She moves back a bit, her hands fisting piles of sand. Clenching and unclenching. I watch as the sand seeps from between her fingers. Her eyes furrow, like she’s confused at my statement. The impossibility of it.
"We have to go out to California. I got a small apartment there with the guys. It's the beginning for us, Luna. It's what we've always wanted. And you know, in a year, when you're done with school, you can come with me! We can tour together, and you can be on the road with me."
She chucks a handful of sand in my face.
"I don't want to go on tour, Roman! You know that! I want to go to Julliard in New York! You've always known this!" She starts breathing heavily, a panic building in her chest. I move toward her, but all she does is chuck another handful of sand at me.
"No! Don't come any closer." Tears fall down her cheeks now, sand mixed in, and she looks a wreck.
A beautiful, broken wreck.
"Why did it take you this long to tell me? How long have you known?" She stands up, grabbing her leotard. She slips it on, the straps snapping against her shoulders. The straps are rolled over multiple times, and I know she hates that. I want to straighten them for her, but I don't think she'd let me right now.
She looks at me. "Huh? How long?"
"One month."
Her eyes widen to the point that they're about to roll out of their sockets. They darken, the gray turning a murky brown that I've never seen in her before. "One month?" she screeches. A flock of birds leave the trees around us, flapping away and moving across the lake. "One fucking month, Roman? And I'm just finding out about this now? That you're leaving in two weeks? Right after we…" She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face as she stomps up to me. She shoves me, slapping at my chest and clawing at my skin. I let her, keeping my hands at my sides as my heart breaks for the girl in front of me.
The love of my life.
"I'm sorry." This time when my eyes fill with tears, I don't bother to wipe them away. My cheeks dampen as I stare at her. Her usual straight spine curled over in pain.
"Sorry isn't good enough. How could you…" She inhales a shaky breath. "How could you do this to me?" The last of her words come out in a whisper. A fractured whisper that can't be repaired.
I open my mouth, but once again nothing comes out. A silent breath of empty apologies and even emptier promises.
I failed.
She shakes her head, defeat in her features as she walks away.
"Wait. Where are you going?" I ask her, reaching for her arm. She yanks out of my hold, angry tears streaming down her face.