She smiled again.
“Those feelings scared me, because the last thing I’d let myself need had nearly killed me. I told myself all I needed was one time with you. I’d fuck you and get you out of my system. Then that night, in the bar, when we kissed . . . I knew one time with you would never be enough. You made me want something I’d never wanted before. It was something I had lain in my bed and thought about but wasn’t sure I would ever truly deserve.”
“I knew I kissed well, but I didn’t realize my kisses were that amazing.”
I laughed, and she let out a half chuckle, half sob.
“The only way I know how to explain it to you is to say I got spooked. I wanted you so much, Kaylee, and it wasn’t just for the sex. I wanted to kiss you every morning. Be the last person you saw each night before you went to sleep. I wanted to know what you looked like when you woke up, what you did when you were angry, sad, happy.
“For the first time in my life, I wanted someone so badly, and I knew I could have taken you to bed and tried to get a quick fix, but you were so different. Beyond beautiful. Kind, funny, and stubborn as hell. I was afraid if I took the hit, I’d have to keep coming back for more, and if you found out how broken I was, you would for sure leave. Take yourself out of that situation. Especially when I found out about John. I couldn’t do that to you. I cared too much for you, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I could handle it if things didn’t work out between us. So I tried keeping you at arm’s length. And, well, here we are.”
“Ty,” she said, moving closer to me. She was on her knees, her hands cupping my face. Our eyes met, and I nearly let my own tears flow.
“That day in the kitchen at Brock’s house, when I was holding the pills and you walked in. I was so fucking ashamed that you knew what I had been thinking. Then when you kissed me and took the pills . . . I just couldn’t do that to you, Kaylee. I wouldn’t make you go through another relationship where you had to worry about someone. I couldn’t let you get involved with a man who would constantly wage this inner battle with his demons.”
“That wasn’t your choice to make—it was mine, Ty.”
I nodded. “I didn’t know it then, but I think I fell in love with you the moment you smiled at me when you climbed out of Lincoln’s car for the first time. Then, in Billings, I ended up sleeping with someone, thinking I could get over you that way, and hated myself for it. Hated that I had done that to you. I only added guilt on top of all the other feelings.”
“We weren’t together, Ty.”
I pulled her hands from my face. “The entire time I was with her, I pretended she was you. I’m pretty sure I said your name a few times, and she didn’t even care. That’s all kinds of messed up. You deserve someone—”
She pressed her mouth to mine and pushed me down onto the bed.
“I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the fucked up. The confused. I want it all, because I think every single part of you is beautiful. And I won’t ever stop fighting for us, and I expect you to do the same. Besides, I’ve never had so many orgasms in multiples of even numbers before, so if you think I’m letting you go, you’re crazy.”
Laughing, I flipped her over so I was on top. “What about this whole thing with Katy? I saw it in your eyes this morning when you asked me about kids. Is that something you still want with me?”
Her hand came up and gently stroked the side of my face. “Yes. Ty, nothing changes a single thing about how I feel about you, or the future I want with you. I think I love you even more, and I know I’ll keep falling in love with you. This is only the beginning. Our beginning.”
My eyes searched her face, and I’d started to talk when she pressed her fingers to my lips.
“Don’t say it because you think I need to hear it. I see it in your eyes, and I feel it when you make love to me. And as far as Olivia is concerned, like I said, let’s just worry about that when and if we need to.”
This was the most amazing woman I’d ever met. She filled a void in me that I never thought could be filled. She made me feel whole. She made me feel alive. She made me want more.