“I’m glad I can bring you some peace.” He dropped the sketchbook to the grass and then pressed his lips to her temple. “However, you can make further sense of the storms inside you if you talk about those feelings that you see as chaos.”
She turned more fully toward him, ran her fingers lightly through the mat of damp hair on his chest. “Don’t like talking.” Saying words aloud meant the chance to look a fool, to not be able to articulate what she felt, which inevitably led to more frustration.
“I understand.” John wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her close to this chest with her hands resting against him. “Neither do I, but sometimes in life, talking is the only way others can truly understand. When we hear concerns out loud, see those emotions reflected in your eyes, we can help sort them, explain them, or perhaps merely commiserate with you.”
Though it made sense, the need to share loomed like a frightening shadow. “If I talk to you, I’ll grow angry.”
“Possibly, or equally possible, those feelings of anger will bubble up to the surface so you can look at them, acknowledge them, and then toss them away to make room for other, more pleasant memories.” His chuckle warmed her ear. “It sounds strange, I know, but I’ve seen enough of life to realize if we keep things deep down inside, it will eat us alive, turn us into beasts we don’t like.”
“Even you?” She couldn’t imagine him as anything but the kind, gentle soul that he was.
“Even me, sweeting.” The words were soft, a fleeting string of sound. “I have things that fester within my soul that pick at the edges, that concern me sometimes so much I can’t sleep. And even though Brand is my best friend, since we quit the navy, there haven’t been opportunities to talk in-depth to him. Especially now that he’s sorted his own life.”
“That’s sad.”
“It’s how things go, I’m afraid.”
Caroline pulled away enough so that she could peer into his eyes. Those dear golden-brown pools with green flecks that always seemed to beckon her into another world. “I’ll listen.”
“I appreciate that.” He tangled a hand in her flowing hair, gently pulling to further tilt her head back. “I promise to share with you sometime soon.”
“Could you do something for me?”
When his gaze dropped to her mouth, frissons of excitement played through her nerve endings. “Anything.”
How was it possible to feel both terrified and excited at the same time, merely from being close to her husband? “Will you find me a peacock?”
He blinked. Confusion shadowed his face. “I beg your pardon?”
Drat her mind! Caroline shook her head. “I mean a pianoforte.” She nodded in the event that he didn’t understand. “I… I wish to play music. For you. To tell you in notes what I feel.” It was easier that way, and in music, she never had to worry if they would come out jumbled or wrong. Music just… was. It flowed through her like water, set her free in a way that talking never could.
Would he be able to understand her through it?
“I shall endeavor to do my best. I’ll even enlist Brand’s help. He is more knowledgeable about the manor than I am.”
Relief shuddered through her chest. “Thank you.”
“You are more than welcome. In the meanwhile, you are coming swimming with me.” A twinkle danced in his eyes that captivated her. “But first, I’m going to kiss you, because you are so bewitching right now, and I can only fight with my control for so long.”
“Yes?” Oh, how she wanted him to do that!
“Ah, Caroline, you remain a bright spot in a cloudy day.” Then he lowered his mouth to hers in a kiss that sent heat pinwheeling through her chest.
Like the kiss they shared at the heart of the maze, she mirrored everything he did to her. Finally, she didn’t feel so much like a novice at this showing affection business. When she traced his bottom lip with her tongue and he uttered a soft moan, need curled through her lower belly. Those sounds went straight into her blood to light tiny fires there. She moved her hands up his chest, and wanting to be further connected to him, she held his head between her palms as she kissed him with growing abandon. The second he swept his tongue inside her mouth to fence with hers, heat infused her body.
Oh, she needed so much more from him but couldn’t think of the words to tell him that.
It didn’t matter, for he understood her as he always did. John shifted her slightly so he could deepen the kiss while he skated his hands up and down her back. Caroline’s eyes fluttered closed as she moved over his mouth, nipped at its corners, delighted in the slight prickle of his stubble against her skin, for he only shaved if the notion took him.
And still she wanted him.
“John?”
“Mmm?” He dragged his lips along the column of her throat.
“I…” What? What was it exactly she felt? This tingling tension that slammed through her limbs as if her nerves were strung too tight. “I like… this. Us. Together.” It wasn’t what she wanted to say, but it was good enough for the moment.
When she looked at him, he grinned, but his eyes had darkened, appeared more green now than brown. The same need was reflected in those depths. “I do too.” He kissed her once more. “And if my dratted best friend wasn’t due to join us for swimming imminently, I would perhaps cajole you to join me in the meadow there to show you how much.”