He snorted. “Says you.”
She lifted her head to the breeze coming off the river. All too soon this freedom would vanish, and she’d be back in the prison she’d only just escaped.
“Ha! I’d forget them if I could. They certainly have done so with me.” A trace of bitterness threaded through his voice. For long moments he stared at the water, then, with a sigh, he spoke again. “Drew is my oldest brother; the new earl. He’s arrogant and pompous, thinks his way is the best and the only way to do something. Demands all of us follow his rules and his idea of what the Storme family should be, but his temper is off-putting. He was Father’s favorite.”
Elizabeth’s heart went out to Brand, but she didn’t wish to touch him for fear he’d go silent again.
“Finn is the brother who’s the closest to me. We used to be best friends. He’s got a head for business, but I always thought he’d be a poet for all his romanticism, even if he’ll deny that.” A chuckle escaped him, but he didn’t spare her a glance. “He was the sensitive one, the brother who tried to keep the peace between Drew and I, between Father and Drew, between Father and me, but for all that Finn is, he didn’t understand my wanderlust or my need to remain on the sea. Mother coddled and spoiled him more than Drew or me.” A muscle twitched in his cheek. “In the end, when Finn joined the military, Father was beyond proud, yet when I joined the Navy, it was because of Father’s ultimatum. I had nothing but consternation and embarrassment from him by the time I left home.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I never saw Father again.”
“I’m so sorry, Brand.”
He shook his head, still refusing to look at her. “He never knew what I became in the Navy, how respected or lauded I was.” Emotion she couldn’t name graveled his voice. “After Father died, no one cared that I was in the wind or that I’d been injured. And they knew nothing of my court martial unless they read about it in the papers. I rather have the feeling that unless I’m in London, I don’t matter.”
“How sad.” Elizabeth frowned at the water. “Regardless, you need them still.”
“Why?” He cleared his throat, and the emotion he labored under had passed. “I have a new family here in Ipswich, one who doesn’t hassle me about what’s expected of me or is proper. It’s quite different in every way, so why would I need the family who gave up on me?”
“I don’t believe they have,” she said slowly. “Your family has been thrown into turmoil with your father’s death and are only just figuring out the new normal.” A shaky sigh escaped her. “I envy you the family, even if yours is broken, and I envy you the friends. Yes, it’s a sin to do so, but I can’t help how I feel.” Tears clogged her throat. She attempted to swallow them. “That’s something I’ve never managed.” When she turned her head to look at him, his gaze collided with her, so intense and stormy that she caught her breath. “I’ve never fit in with others.” Something about the captain demanded she give him all her secrets.
“Neither have I, and perhaps that’s the best thing about me.” Brand covered her hand with his on the railing. “People like us, we have to walk our paths alone, for we’re different. Folks don’t understand us or what drives us, so they ignore us.”
She’d not had someone in her life think in the same way that she did. “Yes, but it’s a lonely existence.”
“At times.” Emotion clouded his eye that she couldn’t read, but it sent flutters into her belly. “But in others, it really isn’t. Life is what we make it.” As was his wont, he coaxed the combs and pins from her hair. She’d stopped fighting him on that, for he would have his way. They fell to the decking with tiny pings. “We discover others like us, and they become our surrogate family who fulfil us like our blood relatives never could. There is nothing wrong with that.”
Did he mean for her or for him? And was he inferring that was what she’d become to him? She didn’t dare ask for fear she’d misunderstood. “At least you have a new family. I have William, and he is lost to his own ambitions.” She shrugged. “We were never close due to the gap in our ages.”
A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yet you intend to follow him to India.” It wasn’t a question. “Why?”
“What else can I do? There is no place for me here.” That was the most horrid part. After everything she’d experienced since meeting Brand, no matter how much her eyes had been opened to certain things, her life hadn’t changed. Not really. “I honestly have no recourse.” Despite the fact she still looked into his face and waited, he said nothing. “No reason to stay,” she added in a barely audible whisper.
Longing pooled briefly in his eye, gone with his next blink. “Choose your own path, Lizzy. Don’t let someone else’s expectations of you ruin the wonderful you can accomplish.” He moved then, caught her face between his palms and stared into her eyes. Such passion blazed in his that she forgot to breathe.
“What are you trying to say?” Her heartbeat accelerated. Would this be the moment he declared himself?
“Find the courage to say no to your brother and do something for yourself because you deserve it, because you wish it.”
The plea was so earnest and genuine her heart trembled. Her spirit ceased to flag under the renewal and intent. “I promise I shall try.” But she had only four days to accomplish a miracle, and Brand still hadn’t taken the hint.
“Good.” He closed the slight distance between them and brought his lips crashing down on hers.
With a sigh, Elizabeth let herself become lost in the glory that was kissing Brand. She clutched his shoulders and gave herself over to the sheer wonder of knowing that he wanted her. She kissed him back, gaining confidence, and explored his mouth as much as he did to her. Oh, his lips were a delight! Soft but firm at the same time, they cradled hers with gentleness even as a sense of urgency sank into her as he explored, asked, posed a question to her she wanted so much to answer.
Over and over, she took from him, matched his pace and rhythm, and when she tentatively slipped her tongue into his mouth, he gasped and immediately deepened the kiss with enough passion that her toes curled. Awareness of him fired through her blood; need pulsed into every nerve ending. He was hot and strong and real, and God help her, she wanted him in every way a woman could want a man.
For long moments they communed without words. No longer did she put stock in what anyone would think of her if they saw her. In Brand’s arms, freedom and opportunity intertwined, made her dream impossible things, and fed the longing deep her in soul. So caught up was she in the drugging passion that swirled around her that Elizabeth tugged at the placket of his shirt, so great was the need to touch his skin. When she slipped her fingers beneath the fabric, he groaned and tightened his embrace. A thick cord hanging about his neck triggered her curiosity, for she’d seen it before but had forgotten to ask about it.
Eventually, the need to breathe pulled her from his wicked and highly distracting mouth. She gently tugged on the necklace while she struggled to regulate her rapid heartbeat. “What is this?” As she moved aside the shirt fabric, she nodded. “It’s a compass.”
“Yes.” He took it from her fingers and stared at it. The small, round bauble set in brass had seen its fair share of battering. “I’ve had it since I was a boy of ten. My uncle gave it to me for my birthday that year.” A note of fondness had crept into his voice. “Life was chaotic at times and lonely at others as I passed the years.” When he released the compass, it thudded gently against his chest. “This stayed constant and always points north.” His voice dropped. “It never disappointed me.”
“Is the compass significant in some way?” To her, it seemed an ordinary tool for a man comfortable upon the sea.
A faint wash of red color infused his neck. “I like to think it will always guide me home when I need the reminder.”
“How sweet.” She met his gaze. Longing and a certain wistfulness gleamed at the back of his eye. What was it he truly wished from life? “Is it pointing to London?” Whether he believed it or not, he needed to repair relations with his family.
“I’m not certain anymore. I’ve grown rather fond of wandering.”