“At least pawn the ring if you don’t wish it for a memento.” That was the logical thing to do.
She turned up her nose at it. “I’ve washed my hands of both of you and am tired of the disappointment.”
Or perhaps she enjoyed playing at being pathetic more, but that didn’t matter, for her words had found their target. Hot guilt twisted through his chest. From everything his friend had told him, he and this woman had loved each other wholeheartedly. Perhaps it had been a blessing in disguise that Edward hadn’t made it out of the war. Sentenced to a lifetime with such a woman would have devastated the jovial man that he’d known. With a shaking hand, he tucked the ring inside the pocket of his waistcoat. “Well then. That couldn’t have gone more wrong if Drury Lane writers had concocted it.”
“Put her from your mind, sir,” Rodgers said as he assisted Finn in turning the chair around. “A woman of her caliber and ungratefulness will only bring more trouble.”
“Perhaps.” But those words would haunt him for a long time and tie into the guilt and pain he already carried for not being able to save Edward on that damned battlefield. “Let’s go home. I would appreciate a drink before my next appointment.”
Why was life so bloody difficult… and disappointing?
*
Finn sighed whenhis surgeon came into the drawing room. He set aside the notebook where he’d been steadily writing for the past couple of hours. The rain from the morning had persisted into the afternoon, so he’d decided to meet the man there where the doors to the terrace beyond had been thrown open to encourage the rain-scented summer breeze into the room. Wellington sat on the threshold watching a few birds, her tail twitching but far enough from the rain that she wouldn’t get wet. “Thank you for coming, Doctor. I’m anxious for this examination.”
“Oh? Why is that?” The man’s red hair had been tamed with pomade and parted in the middle of his head. He’d rested a black medical bag on a small table near to Finn’s position.
“I have some questions, for… things have happened I need advice on.” Jane hadn’t been far from his mind. How could she be? After the kisses they continued to share and the hints they’d both made regarding a possible assignation at the upcoming musicale tomorrow evening, he couldn’t forget her. For the first time since his life-altering injury, he needed knowledge regarding sexual performance.
“Well, that’s how we learn.” The doctor came into his personal space. For the next several minutes, he performed the typical exam—feeling the muscles in Finn’s legs, looking over his limbs for any sign of sores or atrophy, then he bent him over in the chair to run his fingers over the scar on Finn’s spine. “You are consistently doing the leg and foot exercises I prescribed?”
“I am. My valet assists.”
“And you’ve taken to getting outside to breathe relatively clean air into your lungs?”
“I have.”
“Good. Building up self-reliance is helpful in these cases as well.” He glanced at Finn with a nod. “Everything seems in order. No changes since my examination three months ago.”
“That’s good.” He slipped a linen shirt over his head, shoved his arms through the sleeves, and smoothed it over his torso.
“Indeed.” The doctor wrote a few notes into a leather folio. “Do you need a new prescription of laudanum?”
“Not just yet.”
“Oh? Have the nightmares subsided?”
“They haunt me but are not as relentless nor every night as they were before. When they become unbearable, I use the medication.” He laid that firmly on Jane’s doorstep. Being able to see her, spend time in her company was as healing as sitting in the sun.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Something about the doctor, his mannerisms, seemed familiar. He took a seat near to Finn’s chair. “If you don’t mind, I have a few questions before we move on to yours.”
“Please, go ahead.” Out of all the surgeons he’d had since leaving Waterloo, Doctor Marsden had been the most attentive and thorough.
“Have you been socializing? That’s good for mental health,” the doctor began.
“I have.” Had it only been over a week since he’d met Jane? Damn, but it felt as if he’d known her longer than that. “Though I can’t say that I’ve stayed at any event to its end.”
“Understandable. The ton is exhausting.” He made another note and then leaned back in his chair, resting an ankle on a knee.
“Do you imbibe in alcohol or spirts while out?”
“Only within reason.” Finn frowned. “I had a snifter of brandy late this morning.” Why did the doctor wish to know?
“Excellent. Mixing drinking with laudanum is never a brilliant idea.”
“I’m aware of the dangers, but I’m careful.”
“Ah.” Another bob of the doctor’s head. “Are you prone to bouts of depression? Having laudanum around if so is equally dangerous.”