“What is this?” Drew gave up the pretense of eating. As soon as he laid down his fork, he retrieved the envelope.
“Advice from a father to his son, things he only realized after the fact. Perhaps it will help you now.” With all the dignity she’d always possessed, his mother rose. “I’ll leave you alone to read it.”
“No, please stay.” He broke the seal—the exact crest on his signet ring—and then extracted the piece of paper within. When he unfolded the missive, a wave of grief assailed him the second he saw his father’s writing. “I miss him so damn much,” Drew whispered.
“So do I.” His mother slipped into a chair beside him. With a slight inclination of her chin, she dismissed the butler.
“Shall I read it aloud?” The hand holding the letter shook.
“I think this first time you should keep it to yourself.”
“Very well.” He nodded.
To my son Andrew on the day of your wedding.
I’m not good with words, nor with showing emotion, but know I’m exceedingly proud of you this day. The best advice I can give you now is simple, and what I’ve discovered along my path in life.
No one knows what they’re doing, though some of us might hide that confusion and fear better than others. I certainly felt as if I were lost in a morass at times, not only with the title but also in marriage. Both are huge responsibilities, and they will overwhelm you if you let them. There is no right way to handle both; you must figure it out for yourself.
When I took up the Earl of Hadleigh mantle, I was exceedingly fortunate in that I married your mother soon after. She has been a tremendous helpmate, and I honestly don’t know what I would have become without her.
I hope on this day that you’ve chosen well a strong woman who will do the same for you. Once you take up the title—which will be soon after I’ve finished this letter—a calming influence in your countess will make all the difference. Be sure the two of you work together, not only in the marriage but also in everything. Discover life together, for there will be both highs and lows. The only way to weather those storms is with a good woman by your side.
His hand shook. Sarah was that. Ever since the day he’d married her, she’d been trying to make him see he could be so much more if only he’d look past all the injury he’d carried around.
You will become an admirable earl when it’s your time, and I know you’ll do the title proud, but you must let your brothers find their own paths. Yes, I asked you to look after them—after your mother—but I meant in a supportive way, perhaps give them guidance to chase their dreams, but don’t bully them into decisions. That is not for you. Only your life is in your purview. You must attend to it else you’ll always be at odds. With everything.
“Oh, God.” The whispered words sounded overly loud in the silence. His father essentially said what both Sarah and Flynn had in their own words.
Make your existence—your marriage and any children should you have—as fulfilling as you can. Above everything, find happiness, court peace, before it’s too late. I spent too much time dwelling on regrets and holding onto grudges, anger, resentment, even fear. They festered, ate away at my soul, Andrew, compromised my relationship with my brother. No, I won’t waste time now telling you the reason for the rift between us. Don’t let this happen to you. If you fail at everything else in life, at least you’ll still have that calm, that sense that everything will come out right in the end.
And that will take you far.
In closing, please know that I’ve always been proud of you. If I could have done it all over again, I would have told you how wrong I was in most everything. A man’s duty is to be strong for his family, his title, of course, but that doesn’t mean portray yourself as cold or unmoving. Let yourself feel everything, but only keep those emotions that serve you. Release the rest, else you’ll have shot yourself in the foot before you start. Your mother tried to teach me that, but I didn’t learn until I lay dying.
Hot tears prickled the backs of his eyelids, but he was beyond caring. Drew let them fall to his cheeks, and as the remaining words blurred on the page, he kept reading.
All this is a long-winded way of saying, don’t model your life after mine. Put your own signature to being earl and love the hell out of your wife while you can. The time allotted to us is so fleeting…
Much love,
Father
In that moment, the storms inside him quieted and a sense of peace fell over him. His thoughts became as clear as crystal. He lifted his eyes to his mother, didn’t care if she saw his wet cheeks or the tears that fell. “I have to go home to Sarah. I need to fix our union before I do anything else.”
I love her.
When it had happened, he couldn’t say, but there it was. He needed her in his life, for better or for worse, and he couldn’t tackle being the earl without her.
Moisture welled in his mother’s eyes. She laid a hand on his arm. “You’ve had an epiphany?”
“I believe that I have. I need to go home.” Quickly, he folded the letter, jammed it into the envelope and then crammed it into the interior pocket of his jacket. Drew scrambled awkwardly to his feet. “Thank you, for everything. And know that I’m so incredibly sorry for the last handful of years.” He engulfed her in a hug. “Once I’m settled, after I give Sarah a proper wedding trip, we’ll come up to London when Parliament opens. Perhaps, if you’d like, we can host a rout as celebration.”
When he pulled away, his mother stared at him with bemusement. “I’d like that.” She waved a hand. “Go, go and win your wife. I can’t wait to meet the woman who started this change in you.”
Drew nodded. As soon as he left the room, he yelled for both Peters and Barton. If he were lucky, Sarah would receive him with open arms and a forgiving heart.
And he could begin his life anew.