“I’m not feeling much for eating.” His eyes held a slightly haunted edge. He clutched at his chest with one hand while tracing the ruby pin tucked within the folds of his pristine cravat. “In fact, I need some air before I proceed with obligations for this day.”
A tingle of apprehension mixed with anticipation careened down her spine. “Did you wish to spend time in other pursuits abovestairs then?” She hadn’t thought they’d retire so early, but then she’d never could have dreamed she would call herself a countess either.
Panic flitted over his face. “I believe I’ll go riding,” he blurted as he backed away. “After that, I have a meeting with my estate manager. It will probably run a few hours.”
“Really?” Sarah narrowed her eyes. She shoved up the bloody spectacles that refused to stay in place. “On our wedding day?”
“Poor timing, I know, but there’s nothing for it.”
Now that was outside of enough. Hot indignation rose in her chest. “You mean to leave me to my own devices so soon after we’ve wed? As if you had what you wanted and now you can abandon me like you have everything else?” Incredulity rang in her voice. This was not how she assumed the day would go. When hurt reflected in his eyes, she was immediately contrite. “I apologize. That wasn’t kind.”
“No, but it was spot on. I don’t need the reminder of what a failure I am, for I live it every damned day.” His voice was low, rumbling, full of ire.
She didn’t care. His defection made her feel small, as if she weren’t worth anything. “What would you have me do? After the understanding we came to four days ago? Am I to pretend none of this happened? Forget that the Earl of Hadleigh wed me but couldn’t bring himself to bed me?” Dear Lord, why couldn’t she stop talking?
“Do not antagonize me in this, Sarah. I don’t have the patience.”
“Ah, but when do you ever?” She popped her hands on her hips. Once more, their communication had devolved into arguing. “Are you so put off by me that you’ll race out to avoid your promises? Your vows?”
“You… I can’t…” He winced and massaged his chest as his faced paled. “I’m sorry,” he gasped out. His labored breathing didn’t bode well. “I’ll join you later this evening.” Then he did indeed flee the room without a backward glance.
“Well, drat.” It had been a trying week. Tears welled again in her eyes. It seemed her married life wasn’t beginning all that auspiciously. “I was foolish to think otherwise.”
She hadn’t been aware she’d spoken that last bit aloud until the matronly housekeeper returned to the room.
“Oh, you poor duck.” Mrs. Hastings joined her. “I saw the earl ride out on that hellish mount of his.” She clicked her tongue. “That man can’t see a good thing even if it smacked him.”
Sarah snorted with derision mixed with bitterness as a few tears fell. “Perhaps he needs a good smack to knock some sense into him.”
“I don’t doubt you’re the woman who could do it.” The housekeeper nodded. “Let me help you settle in. There wasn’t time last night for me to show you how lovely your suite truly is. The earl ordered it up real nice for you, so that’s something. He’s not a complete arse.”
An unexpected laugh escaped her, and Sarah wiped her eyes. “Not complete, no.” She gave herself over into the woman’s care. It was nice to have someone look after her, since Andrew apparently wouldn’t, regardless of the vows he just took.
Why had she expected this portion of her life to be any different from what she’d already had? Silly dreams, nothing more.