*
Two hours later,Sarah stared at the gown that hung on one of the open doors to her wardrobe. Merciful heavens, I’m not certain I can do this. It was easily the most beautiful garment she’d ever seen, let alone owned. Emerald satin with a pleated, scooped bodice and short, puffed sleeves. It featured gorgeous gold embroidery around the hem and waist, and it had an overskirt that resembled two tulip petals that hung down the sides of the main skirt. By chance or fate, the alterations were minimal and the seamstress at the dress shop had finished it not an hour before. On the earl’s orders, it had been delivered to her great uncle’s house.
Which made the upcoming wedding all too real.
Andrew had also bought her a matching bonnet. The emerald satin ribbons decorating the straw brim were enhanced by a peacock feather. His largess had even included beautiful embroidered and beaded slippers, new gloves of the thinnest and most luxurious kid leather, plus a pelisse that complimented the whole ensemble. Not that it was cold enough for such a garment, but she couldn’t take her eyes off it all the same.
I should have declined his generosity.
But it had been too much fun letting someone pamper her for the first time in her life. Yes, her parents had given her gifts and saw that she was clothed properly, but coin had always been tight and purse strings were always cinched tightly. What he had done for her was something entirely different.
Of course it was, for he wished her to look the part of a countess. It had nothing to do with any kindness he might feel toward her as a woman.
Some of the excitement brought on by the arrival of all the parcels faded. In a handful of days, she would command that same sort of power, could have a whole wardrobe made with fine fabrics and all the fripperies she could desire. Never again would she wear drab, serviceable clothing. It made her head spin, and by turns the muscles in her stomach clench.
This is folly.
It’s madness!
She knew nothing about the earl, except he had a terrible temper and he struggled with attacks of some sort. Something in him called to something in her, though, over and above the inexplicable desire that boiled between them any time they were together. Wasn’t that alone worth exploring?
Yet desire—lust—wasn’t the same as love, devotion, or even affection, and it would soon burn out.
Then what?
Once more she glanced at the gown before transferring her attention out the window where the afternoon sun shone bright and the slight breeze blowing in through the half-opened panes beckoned. Well, it was a fat lot better than being on the street hoping to secure a new position once her great uncle’s children were grown.
Oh, this is impossible to puzzle out!
Too much overthinking was… too much. Needing to escape the endless loop of musings and second-guessing, Sarah darted across her room to the trunk at the foot of her bed. She cracked open a long, slim leather case and pulled an ivory flute from the red velvet depths. The instrument was her most prized possession and she’d had it for the bulk of her life. When the mind was turbulent, the only thing that could calm the chaos was music. And since lessons had been cut short to due to the children having gone visiting with their parents, she was free for the afternoon.
With a lightness in her step and a smile on her lips, Sarah made her way outside. Soon, she’d found her favorite stand of four oak trees in the middle of a clover field. A large boulder in the shade was the spot where she often came to read, to practice her music, to remember, to dream… or sometimes to hide. Once she’d settled herself, Sarah played a few scales to warm her fingers. The coolness of the ivory and the pewter keys beneath her fingertips was familiar and exciting; the litany of the music she made easily carried her away to another time and place.
Notes swirled around her. Sarah closed her eyes, imagined herself clad in a gown made of fine fabric. Jewels glittered on her fingers as she played on a softly lit stage in front of dignitaries and titled, powerful people of England. The smooth, mellow sound floated about her head, echoed in her soul, flowed through her body, and carried her along into her musings. Her ears rang from the applause as she concluded the piece, and as she laid her flute in her lap, Sarah smiled. Satisfaction shivered over her skin, for playing made her feel much like kissing the earl did.
Interesting thought, that.
“Good afternoon, Sarah.” The deep baritone greeting yanked her from the errant thoughts, and she popped open her eyes. He stood there, his strong form backlit by the sun. Then he moved close enough that she caught the look of surprise and admiration in his stormy eyes. “I hadn’t realized you had a talent for music.”
Not knowing if she should talk of it or change the subject, Sarah merely nodded. “I’ve played the flute since a young girl. My father was so proud he’d procured it from France through one of the blockades.” She caressed the instrument, gaining confidence from it. In many ways, that flute had been her most constant friend over the years. She’d seen Andrew this morning, but her silly, fickle pulse jumped now that he was here.
“You’ve kept up with practicing.” He clasped his hands behind his back and stared at her with speculation in his gaze.
“I have.”
He glanced between the flute and her face. “You enjoy it?” A tiny note of wistfulness had entered his voice. But why?
“I do. Very much so.” After a quick debate with herself, she added, “I’ve always wanted to tour with a music company and be onstage, sharing my love of the flute with a crowd. Perhaps bring them hope.” How would he react to the admission? “Or at the very least, hire my services out for coin.” She shrugged. “Imagine people being enthralled by my music in a drawing room.”
“You would soon woo them with whatever pieces you chose to play.” A tiny frown pulled down his lips. “Why didn’t you follow through with that dream?”
“Saving to travel to London so I could audition was slow. Then my parents died, and life shifted. Survival came ahead of talent.”
“That’s a shame. You would have made a sensation, no doubt.”
She nodded, and heat went through her cheeks from the unexpected praise. “I think so too, but I won’t abandon the dream. Perhaps someday I’ll—”
“You’ll have your duties as countess to keep you occupied.” An undercurrent of surliness echoed in his tone. “Now you’ll see what a burden the title is; it takes from you until there’s nothing left.”