And she was easily the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
“Lavinia?” He kept his voice soft so not to startle her.
With a gasp, her eyes flew open, and she focused on him. “Percival. I thought I must have imagined you.”
“It’s truly me, and this is no dream.” After closing the door behind him, he approached her location with more wariness than he was accustomed to. “We should talk.”
“Agreed.” She moved the book from her lap to a small, round table inlaid with ivory and planted her bare feet on the floor. Her eyes were red rimmed as if she’d spent time in tears before his arrival. “I’ve missed you.”
His heart squeezed painfully while he removed his greatcoat, top hat, and gloves. He stacked them on the back of a nearby chair. “You left without a word as to your direction.” That had been the most terrifying prospect of the last week, the not knowing where she was or if she would return… if she still wanted him.
“I needed time to think, and if we’re being honest, you needed time by yourself to heal, to discover what you want from life.” Her shrug was a delicate affair, but she made no effort to come to him. “You couldn’t do that while I was about.”
“This was true.” With nothing else to do, Percival approached her sofa, but his courage deserted him at the last second. Instead of sitting beside her, he dropped upon the footstool, his knees brushing hers. That quick touch sent heat sailing to his groin.
Damn how he missed her!
She watched him with a mix of exhaustion and sadness. “What do you want, Percival?”
You, only you. For now, and forever.
But there were other things he needed to say first. “I’m sorry for what I said to you at Lord Saintfort’s ball. Those words were unnecessarily hurtful and beyond the pale. I won’t insult your intelligence or mine by blaming them on the brandy. Both were choices I made regardless of what drove me to either.”
“This is a good start.”
“Please tell me you know I didn’t mean what I said.” He sighed and focused on his hands that rested on his bent knees. “That doesn’t excuse my actions, and I’ve been torn up about them for a week.”
Lavinia leaned forward. She touched his hand, and when he raised his gaze to hold hers, the forgiveness he found in the dark depths of her eyes nearly had him on his knees. “It was an extremely emotional evening.”
“Yet you managed to handle it with all the eloquence and poise of a queen.”
The way she’d taken on the ton like she had still held him captive with awe. Not only had she dressed them all down, she’d put the Duke of Bradford in his place, as well as offered him—Percival—the ultimate gift of her heart, and like the coward he truly was, he’d run from her to nurse his wounds and hide from the embarrassment of breaking his promises to her.
“Hardly, for a queen would have gone after her king and offered an immediate explanation for why she couldn’t tell him the truth to begin with.” Tears sparkled in her eyes, and when a few of them splashed onto her cheeks, Percival was quick to offer his handkerchief. “Will you listen to my explanation now?”
Though his chest was tight and bracing for further hurt, he nodded, and unable to be in the same room as her without touching, he took one of her hands in his. “Yes, and no matter what happens, I’ll stand behind you. I…” Damn, but this is difficult. “You deserve happiness and acceptance in your life even if it’s not with me.”
“Oh!” Another few tears fell. She wiped them away. “I am not Lord Aldress’ mistress.”
For an opening salvo, that was fairly strong. “Go on.”
“The reason I met with him those handful of times was because he and his wife cannot conceive. He came to me for the specific reason of wishing to adopt a baby, and he wished to keep those plans secret from his wife in the event that nothing came of them. He didn’t want to unduly upset her even more.” She released a soft breath, and the warmth of it skated across his cheek. “Due to the rules I’ve put into place with the agency I run with Angela, we pride ourselves on keep our clients anonymous.”
Well shit. He’d had it wrong this whole time. The enormity of what he’d done smacked into him as if he’d been hit with a well-timed punch. “That’s why you couldn’t tell me. It wasn’t your secret, and you were keeping those discussions confidential.”
Lines of exhaustion were evident on her face. “Yes. If I had but known the duke would have spies watching me, I might have done things differently.”
“I rather doubt that. It’s your nature to help people.” He squeezed her fingers. “You kept Aldress’ secret and more or less told me of your own feelings even after I said such horrible things about you.” His voice broke. “When you had every right to cut me down for my actions.”
“Why should I? There was more to the story than what the duke insinuated, but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t hurt. Not from your words; I knew they came from fear and the want to protect your heart. I was devastated by the fact you left me in the ballroom as if I didn’t matter to you any longer, as if you saw me as less than the people assembled there.” Her voice faltered. “I felt as if you didn’t want my gift—my love—and that you’d return to finding respite in a bottle.”
“Oh, sweeting, that’s not true at all.” This conversation, though needed, wasn’t moving them toward a reconciliation fast enough. Percival stood and then resituated himself next to her on the sofa, took her in his arms, and held her tight against him. “I was shocked. You orate as well as any man who seeks to rabble rouse. But what left me broken and gasping was the fact you’d all but declared your love in a very public setting, put so much emotion into that appeal, and I had already cocked things up so badly that I didn’t know what to do.”
“And you let me go without a fight.” Her whispered voice shook, the words muffled by his cravat. “I’ve been at sixes and sevens this whole time thinking the worst.”
“I stayed away to give myself time to truly stake a claim in living without the drink.” He pulled back slightly in order to peer into her face. The hope there knocked him for a loop. “I haven’t had spirits since that damned night. I swear it, but I didn’t want you to see me hungover and the man who broke your heart, so I sobered up, found clarity.”
“You did?”